Monday, October 31, 2016

ADAM SANDLER Zittly Van Zittles

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Zittly Van Zittles Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

Well, I had myself a girlfrield
For almost two whole years
We had no secrets
We had no fears
There was nothing we wouldn't do
When we were in the sack
She'd even pop the zit on my back

But one night I was out cheating
After I drank a few
She caught me red handed
And said we're through
Now she's got a new boyfriend
It nearly gave me a heart attack

'Cuz who's gonna pop this zit on my back?
Well I got a pimple and I don't know why
It keeps growing in the same place
I can't reach it with my left or right hand
I wish it was on my face
It's four days old
And it hurts so bad
But it's ready for a squeeze
Won't somebody pop it for me please?
I'll give you ten dollars

If you're a girl in this lonely world
And you're looking for a guy
I'll never cheat again, I promise
That's no lie
There's only one thing I ask of you
Could we name our first child Zak?
Oh, one more thing
Please pop this zit on my back

I'm dying here!
A pimple ay-hee
A pop-a-doodly-doo
Squirt heedly-hoo

Well I'm sitting alone by the phone
And no one seems to call
I try to scrape my zit off on the kitchen wall
Well that don't work, so I look around
And find a big shiny thumb-tack
Put it on the floor, lay down
Pop the zit on my back

Sunday, October 30, 2016

ADAM SANDLER Dancin' And Pantsin'

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ADAM SANDLER Dancin' And Pantsin' Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

When I was a young man
I didn't like to dance
I was shy
I'd stand against the wall all night
I'd never take a chance
So afraid
I wouldn't get on that dance floor
Unless I was really drunk
10 shots

But I found a place where the stars hang out
And they taught me how to funk
Real nasty
It ain't too far away
It's just on the edge of town
But be ready when you get there
'Cause these folks don't fuck around

You can
Rub your belly with Liza Minelli
Covered in jelly, you're gonna rub your belly
Jiggle your droopy balls with singin' Lou Rawis
Bounce off the walls, then jiggle them droopy balls
Grind your hips with the blond guy from CHIPS
Lick your lips
Stroke it clean with Martin Sheen
It's fucking obscense
Clench your ass-cheeks tight with sexy grandma Betty White
You'll see the light when your sphincter's tight

If you don't know how to move
Just feel the groove
And dance
Like you just shit your pants

Spin like a little girl
With cross-dressing Milton Berle
Just give it a whirl, pretend you're a little girl
Wave that juicy weeno with legendary Al Pacino
Wave your weeno, even more obsceno
Knock back a drink with Colonel Klink
Piss in the sink
Bounce your beef with Omar Sharif
What a relief
Ring the disco bell with ice cream wizard Tommy Carvel
Tommy Carvel gonna make your dink swell

Then spew all over the room
With Mr. Jeffry Goldblum
And dance
Like you just shit your pants

Mr. Belvedere
Fatty Fatty
Finger in his own rear
Bernard King
Basketball, basketball
Showing off his ding-a-ling
Swimming Mark Spitz
Moustache, moustache
Playing with his hairy tits

Big Earl Weaver, Tommy Seaver
Both of them got the boogie fever
Shit your pants
You can
Do the hustle with seven-footer Billy Russell
Do the fucking hustle, jerking your love muscle
Shake your big, round ass with the ghost of Mama Cass
Blast from the past, the ghost of Mama Cass
Dry-hump the floor with Mary Tyler-Moore
Pump it sore
Squeeze your nipple like baldy Mr. Whipple
Drink some Ripple
Give it a hearty whack with TV great Victor Tayback
When you give it a whack, don't hurt the nut-sack

So if the thought of grooving is bringing you down
Come to the funkiest place in town
The stars will show you how to move
And dance
Like you just shit your pants

Saturday, October 29, 2016

ADAM SANDLER Sweat Beatrice

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Sweat Beatrice Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

Hanging with my sweet amour
She came out with a lion's roar
Yelling, I'm going to the corner store,
Be back at quarter to four
Don't slam your pinkies in the drawer
She can be like a maiden from the days of yore
Hanging out at Studio 54
Break dancing on the slick brick disco floor
With Lionel Richie
Who, by the way, was a Commodore
One time she gave mouth-to-mouth to a snaggle tooth boar
Who couldn't breat right since the Vietnam War
Then she played Chinese Checkers with Skeletor
And went camping with Eva Gabor

She's my sweet Beatrice
She's my sweet Beatrice
She's my sweet Beatrice
And she's coming home

I got a picture of her down by the seashore
Wearing a bikini made of purple velour
Her hair's up like Conway Twitty's pompadour
With the smile of Guy LeFleur
She got the ups and downs like an elevator
But deep inside she's a marshmellow smore
Can bake a cake as big as Jupitor
Either or, Neithor nor
She'll share it with your Labrador
She can run faster than a blazing meteor
Loves Winnie the Pooh and his friend Eeyore
Can make a pipe out of an apple core
That's a trick she learned from Roberto Parrish
Down in Ecuador
You know why?

She's my sweet Beatrice
She's my sweet Beatrice
She's my sweet Beatrice
And she's coming home

Well, for sure she opened the door
Whipped out a 3-ft fishing lure
Sexually, that made me insecure
Like the time I was a roadie
On Elton John's tour
She said, Let's go catch some Piscatore!
I said, Beatrice, you don't eat fish no more.
She said, By God, you're right!
So we took ourselves a snore
And when we woke up 10 hours later
We made Love Du Jour

She's my sweet Beatrice
She's my sweet Beatrice
She's my sweet Beatrice
And she came home

She likes to clean out the attic every now and then
She's gonna knit me a brand new golfing bag
We gonna watch ourselves a John Wayne movie
Then we gonna free all the doggies at the kennel
She gonna try on my third grade mittens
She'll keep 'em on even though they're way too small
Well, she ain't never gonna hurt me
She ain't never gonna let me down
She ain't never gonna tell nobody
I'm afraid of birds and spiders

Well, Bea-bea-bea-beatrice
And she loves Pat Summerall

Friday, October 28, 2016

ADAM SANDLER Listenin' To The Radio

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ADAM SANDLER Listenin' To The Radio Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

Where's my Peggy Sue?
I could use a Rosalita
If there's a Long Tall Sally out there
I'm dyin' to meet her
Why can't I hear Beth callin' me?
Why can't I be the one to make Sara smile?
I wish I was arm in arm with Jean genie
Walkin' down the aisle

Oh yeah, all right

But I got no Mary Jane
There's no Sloopy or Dancin' Queen
I'm just a fool in the rain
Waitin' on my Billie Jean

I want an Angie, a Mandy, a Candy-O
A devil in a dress of blue
A Rosanna, Diana, a sweet Caroline
I'd even take a Run-Around Sue

Oh yeah, all right

Well, I never got to scream for a Layla
I never saw Mary-Anne walkin' away
I never danced on the sand with a Rio
Or woke up with a Maggie May

I dialed 867-5309
But there was no Jenny Jenny
Oh, why can't I get myself a brown-eyed girl
When Willie Nelson loved so many?

And why does Jack have Diane?
And why does Billy Joe have Bobbie Sue?
And everybody had Roxanne
Except you-know-who

I want an Angie, a Mandy, a Candy-O
A devil in a dress of blue
A Rosanna, Diana, a sweet Caroline
I'd even take a Run-Around Sue

Well I'd take any ol' Suzy Q
I got no reason to be picky
She can be a Goody-Goody-Two-Shoes
Or she can be my Darling Nikki

Oh, Brandy would be such a fine girl
And so would the sweet Judy Blue
I guess I sound just like that other fella
'Cause you know I wish I had Jessie's girl too

Oh yeah, all right

Well, I'd die for a kiss from Allison
Even though I know she'd break my heart
Or give me a Lo-lo-lo-lola
Minus the extra part

I want an Angie, a Mandy, a Candy-O
A devil in a dress of blue
A Rosanna, Diana, a sweet Caroline
I'd even take a Run-Around Sue

You know I'd even take a Run-Around Sue
Well, I'd even take a Run-Around Sue

Oh yeah, all right

Thursday, October 27, 2016

ADAM SANDLER Cordurory Blues

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ADAM SANDLER Cordurory Blues Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

When I was a boy
There was no limit to what I could eat
Shake after shake after shake after shake
Followed by all kinds of red meat
Metabolism runnin' around so fast
My body never gained to weight
That pissed off all my Momma's friends
And made my big-boned sister irate
But now I'm a man
And all that frolicking has caused my ego to hurt
'Cause even when I'm in the shower alone
I'm to embarrassed to remove my shirt

What made a millionaire out of Mr. Frito-Lay
Made a fat mother fucker outta me
What made a millionaire out of Mr. Frito-Lay
Made a fat mother fucker outta me
And all them cookies I been munching lately
My feet are becoming difficult to see

I believe it was my Daddy
Who led me to this eating disease
By calling me The Little Candy Ass
When I couldn't finish a burger with cheese
Or maybe it was my Momma
Who got me addicted to all the wrong foods
Only when I gobbled down every chicken cutlet
Would I get to see Momma's good moods
They said eat this, they said eat that
To stay skinny there was no chance
And now when I walk I hear corduroy
Even though I ain't wearing pants

What made a millionaire out of Mr. Frito-Lay
You fat fuck, You fat fuck
Made a fat mother fucker outta me
What made a millionaire out of Mr. Frito-Lay
You fat fuck, You fat fuck
Made a fat mother fucker outta me
And all that ice cream I been eating lately
My chins alone weight 203

The diet starts tomorrow!
I have a grapefruit for breakfast
For lunch a bowl of white rice
Dinnertime it's a saltless potato
I ain't allowed no spice
If this diet's gonna work
Tonight I can't eat no more
Just go to sleep, I say to myself
As I close the bedroom door
Two in the morning, I wake up to piss
My belly's hungry and achin'
Tiptoe to the kitchen, fuck the diet
Bring on the chips flavored with bacon

What made a millionaire out of Mr. Frito-Lay
Made a fat mother fucker outta me
What made a millionaire out of Mr. Frito-Lay
Made a fat mother fucker outta me
And all them crumb-cakes I been eating lately

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

ADAM SANDLER Pickin' Daisies

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ADAM SANDLER Pickin' Daisies Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

6 What's the matter honey, are you not feeling well?
It's okay, Momma will take care of you
Not really sick, but don't you know I still say I am
Dad just mumbles, There goes my girlie son acting up again
How could you be my kid
Mom knows I'm faking it
But she understands what'll happen if I go
The last four days
The tough guys have been on a roll
They show him no mercy
Plenty of name calling
And pushing my head in the toilet bowl
They call him a loser
But they won't get their hands on me today
'Cuz home with Momma is where I'm gonna stay

We're pickin' daisies
Who cares about them anyway
Pickin' daisies
They'll all be working for you someday
Pickin' daisies
They're just jealous of you
Pickin' daisies
Next year you'll go to private school

Can't play sports or games
I'm only really good at reading
He can't catch a football
Apparently that's not too cool
That's why my nose is usually bleeding
Plus they give him fat lips
At this time yesterday, my underwear was over my head
But I'll be safe today, I know 'cuz Momma said

We're pickin' daisies
Who really cares what they think
Pickin' daisies
You should talk about it with your shrink
Pickin' daisies
They'll all end up in jail
Pickin' daisies
Marshall's is having a sale

I know tommorrow it'll all start up again
He'll be greeted with a head-lock
And all I can do is sit and pray for the weekend
But I know when I'm older
I'll look back and laugh
At all those kids who pulled my pants down
And took that photograph
'Cuz we'll be through with kickball
We'll all be weak and slow
But I will be the only one
With a magic place to go

Pickin' daisies
You're better off in the end
Pickin' daisies
Who cares, I'll be your friend
Pickin' daisies
You can always count on me
Pickin' daisies
I made you some iced tea
Pickin' daisies
Pickin' daisies
Pickin' daisies
Pickin' daisies
Pickin' daisies
You are too very handsome, just not in a traditional way
When I was a kid, we didn't have video games, we had pinball, but I could learn
Well, they're just upset that they don't have earmuffs
You can come to aerobics class with me and wathc, all the ladies love you
Who needs brand name shirts? Yours is the same thing without a fancy tag
Why don't you go to sleep? And when you wake up, then I'll play you the Eddie Fisher record

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

ADAM SANDLER Bad Boyfriend

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ADAM SANDLER Bad Boyfriend Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

Why don't you pick up after your done?
I'm not your slave
I'm not your mother
I'm not your maid
I mean I've got a life too
So fuck you!

Why can't you be nicer to my friend?
They're gonna be here soon
Last time they were here
You just sat in the bedroom
Friday you went out with your fat friend Lou
Fuck you!

Why don't you ever ask about my Chinese cooking class?
I only took it 'cause you like moo shu
Fuck you!

I'm sorry honey, about the way I've been acting lately
Fuck you!

Don't be like that, we'll visit your mom when I get some time off
Fuck you!

I had the beer at work, for God's sake
Fuck you!

By the way, would it be cool to go golfing tommorrow?
Fuck you!

I was just kidding, I wanna hang out with you
Why don't you ever take me to a play?
Or a museum?
There's an art gallery two blocks away
And we've never been there
We always do what you wanna do
Fuck you!

You didn't notice
I got new throw pillows for the sofa
You didn't notice I had the kitched painted blue
Why don't you notice all those guys looking at me?
You take me for granted
Do you know there's a guy at work that always asks me out to lunch?
I always try to look my best and you should too
Fuck you!

Why won't I ever get out of this relationship?
You're such a jerk
The only thing you do right is
Tell me that you love me
Well, I guess I love you too
But fuck you!

Monday, October 24, 2016

ADAM SANDLER The Lonesome Kicker

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ADAM SANDLER The Lonesome Kicker Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

Me, I'm the Lonesome Kicker
Extra points, field goals at your service
One might think it comes with glory
You might think different after you listen to my story

My helmet is equipped with a tiny face mask
What it possibly could protect, I do not know
The other guys on the team
Like to make fun of my little shoulder pads
And also like to hide the special shoe
I need to kick in the snow

People think it's so easy
To kick a field goal from the 30 yard line
They forget to add seven yards for the snap
And 10 more 'cause the goal posts are pushed way back

In 1974, the uprights were right on the goal line
But some of the players were running into them
And getting hurt
So screw the kicker
Who cares about the kicker?

But I kick that ball
And I pray it goes straight
If it does
The coach says Good job, number 8
He doesn't even know my name is
Andre Kristacovitchlalinski, Jr.
But that's the life I live
The Lonesome Kicker

Kickoffs can be so very scary
Especially, if the returner breaks on through
And I'm the only guy on the playing field left to tackle him
I don't want to get hurt
So I pretend to tie my shoe

Once again, I'm ignored by my teammates and all my coaches
Go back where you came from!
Scream 70,000 fans
Well, I know I could win their love back
By catching a winning touch-down
But, unfortunately, I was born with these very small hands

And I hope that the cameras don't come in too close
'Cause they might see the tears in my eyes
As I sit on this bench made of cold-hearted wood
And the splinters go deep in my thighs
And the towel boy snickers as he walks by
The Lonesome Kicker

Another blocked kick
And everybody blames me
But it was the Left Guard
Who didn't pick up his man
Oh, why can't they see...

In my home country
I could have been a minor league soccer player
But I came to America
Seeking fortune and seeking fame
I didn't realize that if I shanked one
And blew the point spread
Some drunk guys would push me into their hibachi
After the game

So I go home at night
'Cause I never get invited
To go drinking with the other guys
And I sit in my chair, and I soak my foot
As I eat a plate of cold french fries
And my wife's out with her quote-unquote friend
And my son can't look me in the eyes
But that's the life I live
The Lonesome Kicker

Kicking for you
They took my snow shoe
They're going for two

Sunday, October 23, 2016


welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Moyda Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

He's a pretty good guy
He's nice to his neighbors
You can count on him to buy your school candy bars
He's a real nic guy
He's always got the jumper cables
He'll take your mail in when you're on vacation
He's a good-hearted man
Volunteers at the library
He'll help you find a book on whales
He's a thoughtfull man
Rememers your birthday
Says God bless you when you sneeze

But there's a problem
It's not your average problem
But it's a pretty big problem
His hobby is moyda
His hobby is moyda
He'll eat a hamboyga
Then commit moyda

He's a friendly guy
He waves to all the joggers
Children use his backyard as a short-cut
He's a real sweet guy
He always recycles
Referees the Junior High basketball for no pay
He's a great, great man
He'll sign your petition
Then proceed to compliment your new haircut

But there's a problem
It's not your average problem
But it's a pretty big problem
His hobby is moyda
His hobby is moyda
South of the boyda
He's wanted for moyda

Here he comes
Hey Larry, how ya doing?
How's the garden coming?
You know, it's interesting
I just read at the library
That you need to rotate the soil
To get real plump, read tomatoes
Oh, and one more thing
My hobby is moyda
Two, three, four
I'm a sick man
My hobby is moyda
My hobby is moyda
I'll eat a hamboyga
Then commit moyda

I never loiter
After committing the doity deed of moyda
Only Sigmund Freuda
Knows why I cannot and will not stop committing moyda
Murder, murder, murder, murder, murder

Saturday, October 22, 2016

ADAM SANDLER What The Hell Happened To Me?

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ADAM SANDLER What The Hell Happened To Me? Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

Hey you guys, I just wanted to thank you for listening to the record
and I hope you had as much fun as I did and here's one last little diddy just for you.

I used to ride my big wheel, and sell lemonade,
Eat popcorn with grandpa while we watched the parade
But now I'm only happy when I'm drinking J.D.
What the hell happened to me?

I used to have fun throwing snowballs with my best friend Billy
And Mom would make us cocoa if we got too chilly
But now I only get excited when I see a girl pee
What the hell happened to me?

I used to be the nicest kid in the neighborhood
I only did the things that Momma said I should
But now I just do whatever I want
I even whipped it out in a restaurant

I used to help clean the park in the middle of town
And then played kickball til the sun went down
But now all I do is get VD,
What the hell happened to me?

It makes no sense
I can't believe I ended on me
I'm out of my gourd
Won't somebody please, help me?

A do-do-do-do doo a do-do waa do-do-we-oh

I'm kind of a wierdo

Friday, October 21, 2016

ADAM SANDLER Sex Or Weight Lifting

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ADAM SANDLER Sex Or Weight Lifting Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[Adam Sandler]:
Hey how ya doin'? My name's Barry Lakin and I'm here with the man on the street
quiz. This weeks's show is a doozy man, it really is. I went around the country
with my tape recorder and I taped different people having sex. I would just sit
outside their bedroom windows without anybody knowin' and I would press record
and these people would wail away on each other man they would really go at it
and I captured it on tape. Also I went around the country and I taped people in
weight rooms workin' out man. I would just sit there with my tape recorder,
press record, and these people would have themselves a workout man and I got
that on tape. Now I'm gonna play these tapes for people on the street and see
if they know the difference between people working out and people havin' sex.
Sir, what's your name?

Hi, how ya doin'? My name's Gregory Miner.

[Adam Sandler:]
Oh terrific. My name's Barry Lakin.

Uh huh

[Adam Sandler:]
And let me tell you what I did man. I went around the country and taped people
having sex

Uh huh

[Adam Sandler:]
I also taped people workin' out in a weight room man. I'm gonna play one of the
two tapes for you right now


[Adam Sandler:]
You dig? You tell me which of the two they're doin' okay? Workin' out or havin'

Yeah I got ya

[Adam Sandler:]
Alright I'm pressing the play button...Now.

{Moans and screams}

[Adam Sandler:]
What do you think?

Well that's people having sex.

[Adam Sandler:]
No they were doing a Military Press

But..but they...

[Adam Sandler:]
No you're wrong. Thank you very much for stopping by. Amazing what people will
hear. When the human ear wants to hear sex, it hears sex. Hmm. Let's move on to
someone else. Sir, what's your name?

Uh hi my name is Ron.

[Adam Sandler:]
Ron, what's your last name, quick.

Ron Johnson.

[Adam Sandler:]
Alright, that's good enough. My name's Barry Lakin.

Nice to meet you Barry.

[Adam Sandler:]
Terrific. What I'm gonna do now is play a tape for you. And you tell me if
these people are havin' sex..


[Adam Sandler:]
See how he says yeah? Or working out in a fitness center.

Uh huh

[Adam Sandler:]
I'm pressing play...Now.

{Moans and screams}

[Adam Sandler:]
And what do you think?

Uh, that was two gay men having sex.

[Adam Sandler:]
No those were two men doing Butterfly Curls.

Sounded like two gay guys having sex.

[Adam Sandler:]
Well no sir, you are dead wrong.


[Adam Sandler:]
Thanks for stopping by. Wow, interesting. Two men, on tape, working out,
building their pectorial muscles. And this man hears gay sex. Which leads me to
the conclusion that this man is either gay himself or not straight. Moving
along. And older gentleman. How are ya sir, what's your name?

Uh Larry Bartowski

[Adam Sandler:]
And Larry, how old are you?

I am 62.

[Adam Sandler:]
My name's Barry Lakin.

Nice to meet you Barry.

[Adam Sandler:]
Terrific. Larry, I'm gonna play a tape for ya. Now you have to tell me if these
two people are having sex or working out. Are you ready sir?

I think I'll be able to do this.

[Adam Sandler:]
Alright sir. Here we go. And play.

{Moans and screams}

[Adam Sandler:]
Okay sir. What was that? Sex or weight lifting?

That was definitely two people having sex.

[Adam Sandler:]
No they were doing Leg Squats.

You're kidding me? They were not having sex?

[Adam Sandler:]
No sir, you are way off base.

I don't believe it.

[Adam Sandler:]
Alright I'll play it back for you again sir. And if you get it right this time,
you the only one who did. Okay

{Moans and screams}

[Adam Sandler:]
Okay, here's your second chance. What do you think?

Those people were definitely having sex.

[Adam Sandler:]
No wrong again, sir. Thanks for playing the game.

You're kidding me. They, they...

[Adam Sandler:]
Alright sir, I'm moving on, I appreciate it.

They were having sex.

[Adam Sandler:]
Alright that's in your head. Bye bye. Well we learned a lot about men today.
Let's move on to women. How are you?


[Adam Sandler:]
My name's Barry Lakin.


[Adam Sandler:]
Hi. What's your name?

Uh Jessica Sanders.

[Adam Sandler:]
Okay Jessica. What I'm gonna do right now is record something, not play, but

Oh okay.

[Adam Sandler:]
I'm gonna ask you to close your eyes now. And I'm gonna record something. Then
I'm gonna play it back to you. And you're gonna have to tell me if these to
people are having sex or working out in a gym.


[Adam Sandler:]
Okay, close your eyes. I'm hitting record now. Pay no attention to what's going

You're unzipping my pants.

[Adam Sandler:]
Yeah that's right. Keep your eyes closed I'm recording something.

Oh that feels good.

[Adam Sandler:]
Mm-hmm, yeah it feels good here too. Alright. Okay, I'm gonna slow down or I'm
in trouble. Ahh too late I'm gonna blow it here we go

uh! shoot it all over me!

[Adam Sandler:]
Alright. Okay let me hit stop. And let me rewind that one. Alright now I'm
gonna play it back for you. Are these people having sex or are they in a weight
room. Here we go.


[Adam Sandler:]
Now what do you think?

That was you having sex with me.

[Adam Sandler:]
That's right and thanks for stoppin' by. Okay. Well, until next time this is
Barry Lakin sayin all the world is schlach.

Thursday, October 20, 2016


welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Mr. Bake-O Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

I'm sitting in my chair watching the TV
It's not even on but there's plenty for me to see
I just lit some crazy ass shit
that my friend overnight mailed to me

I'm fucking wasted
It's the best shit I ever tasted
I think they fucking laced it
Cause I'm so damn lambasted

Oh my friend came over so I packed him a pipe
I told him he better go easy with this shit but he didn't believe the hype
He sparked three bows just to show he could take it
Two minutes later he was playing backgammon naked

He's fucking wasted
It's the best shit he ever tasted
He's lost in fucking spaced-ed
Cause he's so wicked wicked wasted

Oh I spent the last two hours
hiding under my bed
Cause I looked in the garbage can
and I think I saw my Uncle Louie's head

I'm fucking wasted

Well my friend blew a hit into my pet bird's face
The bird laughed hysterically and started to moonwalk all over the place
He tripped over the toaster wire and fell on his beak
He looked at the two of us and he started to speak

I'm fucking wasted
It's the best shit I've ever tasted
My brain's been erased-ed
Well fucking fried

I'm sitting in the bathtub wanting something to eat
I wanted a pizza the bird said Pepperoni would be sweet
Delivery guy showed up four hours later, handed me his shoe
I said we ordered pizza buddy, what the hell's up with you

I'm fucking wasted
It's the best shit I ever fucking tasted
Oh fucking shit

I'm way too baked

Wednesday, October 19, 2016


welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Memory Lane Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER
[M1:] Hey, it's great to have us all out on a road trip again this is gonna be fun
[all agree]
[M2:] Whoa,do you smell that skunk
[All:] Yeah
[M2:] You know, even though it stinks it kinda reminds me of growing up
[all agree]
[M3:] It kinda reminds me of smelling weed
[all agree]
[M1:] Hey, it reminds me of smelling a pussy
[all agree]
[M2:] It reminds me of smelling an ass
[all agree]
[M4:] It reminds me of smelling a 60 year old guys ass
[car screeches, he drops out of the car]
[M4:] Hey, screw you guys I am who I am deal with it

Lyrics and Music Video

[M1:] I'm glad we got rid of him his was a wierdo
[M3:] Oh my God, that was a little out there,
hey check out a water slide, man,
those things always remind me of my 13th birthday party, remember that
[all agree]
[M1:] Hey, it reminds me of that girl I met last year
who was a lifegaurd at one of those things, she was unbelievable
[all agree]
[M2:] Hey, it reminds me of that rich girl I went out with
and when her dad went out of town we fooled around in his jucuzzi
[all agree]
[M3:] It also reminds me of the time I saw a 60 year old guy slide down
one of those things and he was going
so fast his bathing suit fell off,
and I just stood there at his big beutiful hairy balls flopping around,
holy geez I wanted to lick em'
[car screeches he drops out of it]
[M3:] I hate you guys, you tricked me into sayin' that

[M2:] I always knew that guy was a little wierd
[M1:] Hey, there's a pizza place it smells awesome
[M2:] It reminds me of the time I used to work in a pizza place
[M1:] It reminds me of my first date with this girl named Ginger,
I took her to a pizza place
[M2:] Hey, it also reminds me of the time I ate a slice of pizza,
and then went over to a 60 year old man's house and made him fuck me
in the ass in front of his kids
[car screeches, he drops out of it]
[M2: Hey don't get all hitey mitey he wanted me to do it

[M1:] Man they were all crazy, hey, what's that
[Cow:] Moo
[M1:] Oh my god, ahhhhhhhhhhh
[car chrashes]

Hey that last skit was written for a reason,
if any of your buddy's have fooled around with a 60 year old man,
don't throw them out of your car, or you will die,
now enjoy the rest of the album.

ADAM SANDLER The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Woman

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER The Excited Southerner Proposes To A Woman Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[Setting: A restaurant with music playing in the background]
And now the Excited Southerner proposes to a girl.

[Girl:] You wanted to ask me something?
[Excited Southerner:] Yes, I did. I - first of all I just wanted to say that you're --
very pretty girl, and I, I -- hoo --
you'the -- we've known each other for so long now,
and-uh, it's about time that the two of us --
we're both getting older right now, and-uh, and I don't want to die alone, I --
tell you that much -- hoo --
getting ahead of myself --
got ta slow down, hoo-hoo, concentrate on what I'm trying to get across
to you right now, hoo, I mean,
whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-willing to be a house husband,
you don't have to qu-qu-qu-qu-quit your job there,
there, I'm, I'm, the-, I'm, I'm -- hoo, honeymoon in the Poconos, with the --
hoo, woo hoo -- sex optional --
you don't have to do what you don't want to do, hoo hoo hoo hoo,
someday you're going to love me, and that -- that's fi--
til death do us part I,
we'll get the chocolate cake and the sunrise and the sunset --
no prenuptial agree --
[Girl:] Look, are you trying to ask me to marry you?
Because I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment.
[Excited Southerner:] Coooooo.


welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Dip Doodle Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

Jabawokee ding dong slip slap slee
Dipstick paddywhack pee pee googalee gee
Polly wolly sling slang skooey dibbely doo
Wing wong ping pong king kong Cheech 'n Chong hop hip kagagoogoo

Hickory dickory slickory flip flap dip skip to my lou
Flim flam wham blam Sam bam Cunningham whack snack koochie koochie koo
Plus you gotta dip, you gotta doodle, you gotta eat Grandma's stroodle
'Cause she stayed up all night to make it from scratch
You gotta gish, you gotta gash, you gotta wax Grandma's mustache
And lay out here socks and make sure they match
Whoa, you gotta help out your Gram

Slappety dappety sling skism skasm bing bang boo
A yip, a yap, a snippety snap walla, walla scrappy dappy doo
Piddle paddle fiddle faddle widdle waddle awhee clunkety clang
A plop, a fizz, a whackety whiz, chitty chitty bang wang lang

Zippity doo dang lipidee ay oompa loompa doo
A piggly wiggly dooda stinky winky linky foo man choo
Plus you gotta dip, you gotta doodle, you gotta shave Grandma's poodle
'Cause Grandma would do the same for you
You gotta libby, you gotta labby, you gotta hug Grandma even though she's flabby
'Cause you should know Grandmas are people too
Whoa, you gotta love your Gram

Now if you listened to the words of this song
You know they're coming straight from the heart
Never make fun of your Grandma
Even when she rips a juicy fart

And remember to dip, you gotta doodle
You gotta stop playing with your noodle
'Cause Grandma said it will make you go blind
You gotta gipper, you gotta giper, you gotta change Grandma's diaper
And then pretend that you really didn't mind
Whoa, respect to the Grandma

ADAM SANDLER The Adventures Of The Cow

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER The Adventures Of The Cow Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

And now a cow at bat in the bottom of the 6th inning
of a little league game getting hit by a pitch

[Baseball sounds and cow bell ringing,ball is hit and hits cow]
[Cow:] Moo

And now a cow who goes skydiving for the very first time,
and thinks his parachute isn't gonna open when it finnally does 40 feet from the ground

[Plane sounds]
[M1:] Alright cow, don't even think about just jump and enjoy the ride down,
quit being a pansy and do it
[Cow:] Moo
[Ripcord sounds]
[Cow:] Moo,mrr
[Parachute opens]
[Cow:] Moow

And now a cow who goes to the chicken hot drivethru
and then gets halfway home before realising they forgot his french fries

[Cow opening paper bag]
[Cow:] Moo,moo
[Car screeches, and turns back around]
[Cow:] Mrr

And now a cow winning first prise in the bellyflop contest at spring break
and then realises he can't swim

[Cow walking towards pool, big splash]
[Cow:] Moo
[Crowd cheering]
[Cow:] Mrr,mrr
[Underwater moo]

And now a club gets a dance at a classy strip club,
when a bouncer notices he doesn't have any shoes on

[F1:] Ohh baby you like it when I dance with you
[Cow:] Moo
[F1:] Uh uh uh, you can't touch that
[Cow:] Moo
[Bouncer:] Keep your hands off the girl
[Cow:] Moo
[Bouncer:] Hey cow, you got no shoes on you gotta leave
[Cow:] Moo
[M2:] Hey watch it cow

And now a cow playing tennis against farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle
when the farmer makes an obvious bad call

[Tennis ball being hit]
[Farmer:] That was out
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Don't tell me it wasn't cause I saw it and that was out
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] By at least 3 feet that's how far, come in look there is still a mark where it's out
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Don't tell that was from an old ball, that was this ball and this ball was out
[Cow:] Mrr
[Farmer:] You cannot see from that angle
[Cow:] Moo

And now a cow recieves a phone call who he thinks is
from a famous actor but he soon finds out it's just a practical joke

[Phone rings, cow picks it up]
[Farmer:] Hello may I speak to the cow
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Hi, I'm a famous actor
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Oh, thank you very much,
I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner with me
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] Why don't I make reservations?
[Cow:] Moo
[Farmer:] And why don't I tell you my real name?
farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle
[Cow:] Mrr
[Farmer:] Take that fatty
[Cow:] Mrr
[Slams down phone]

And now a cow gets his revenge on farmer Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle

[Car sounds]
[Farmer:] Pull over, pull the vehicle to the side of the road, I am warning you for the last time.
[Car hits farmer]
[Farmer:] Oooh
[Cow:] Mooooooooooooo

ADAM SANDLER The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[Adam Sandler:]
And now the excited Southerner gets to meet his favorite film actor, Mel Gibson.

Mr. Gibson? I'm sorry to bother you sir but this gentleman is a big fan and he
just wanted to say hello.

[Excited Southerner:]
Well I...I can't...believe...I'm in the...laser disc...Mr.Gibson...I...I
...I...such to...I...Braveheart' your
autograph...with a 8X10 gloss...your face was burnt though...Tina
Turner...singing a song to the...mama...mother...mother...loves you
to...Bird On the Water...not such a good picture made up for it with
the Mad a...mail...mail was so much going...and the koala'm a big fan...Golden Globe awards...if maybe the people's

Alright. That's enough. I'm sorry Mel let me get this moron outta here.


welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Crazy Love Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[Adam:] You don't mind that I think everybody's a robot and all my conversations are being recorded
[Lisa:] And you don't mind that all of my pants are way too short on me
and I also stabbed someone with a pair of scissors a long time ago (ha-ha-ha)
[Adam:] And you don't care that I collect dead animals from the side
of the road then pretend they're alive and think I'm a famous football player
[Lisa:] And you don't have a problem with me
when I follow people I've never met before and force them to look
at the portrait of Neil Diamond I have tattooed on my back
[Adam:] It's very pretty, baby
Well you must have been sent from above
You're all that I can think of
You're just as psychotic as me
My crazy love
[Adam:] Well it never bothers you when I wear my snowsuit
to bed every night and I make you speak in tongues to me until I fall asleep
[Lisa:] Blah bloo blah bloo bloo
[Adam:] Thank you

satu lirik
[Lisa:] And you don't make fun of me 'cause I still make out
with my stepfather and I also tell everyone I was on a UFO
for two and a half years
[Adam:] I believe you sugarpie
'Cause our love is right on track
I'm yours, your mine it's a fact
Don't forget to take your Prozac
My crazy love
[Adam:] Well yesterday I tickled a man who wasn't even there
[Lisa:] Oh three days before that I ran down the street in my
Wonder Woman underwear
[Adam:] I didn't care Babe I know I never had a job 'cause I'm afraid
to talk to people 'cause I know that they're all robots who are seeking information
[Lisa:] They can't fool you sweetheart
And I know that you know that I'm the one who burned my cousin
Chester's house to the ground but you told the cops we were out
ballroom dancing when the came and questioned you
[Adam:] I ain't no fink, dollface
'Cause we know that it's true
Only I could love you
We both eat with our hands
My crazy love
[Lisa:] My crazy, crazy love
[spoken to end]
[Adam:] Oh I wish everybody was dead except for you, baby
[Lisa:] I feel the same way Would you throw some macaroni on me?
[Adam:] Oh yeah, here you go

ADAM SANDLER Do It For Your Mama

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Do It For Your Mama Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[J.N.:] I can make a bigger splash than you!
[Jimmy:] Oh yeah, give it a shot.

[While jumping up and down on diving board]
[J.N.:] Can opener!
[Big splash]
[Jimmy:] Man, that one was huge.
[J.N.:] You go.

[While running towards pool]
[Jimmy:] Ahhhh, jacknife!

[Jumps in and small splash]
[Tracy:] That was a dud, Jimmy.
[Jimmy:] Shutup, Tracy.
[Tracy:] You shutup.

[Door opens, walks over]
[Momma:] Lunch time kids.

[Kids yelling happily]
[Momma:] I made some jelly sandwiches and sliced up some cantelope.
I figured you could eat a little food and and then maybe play with yer cock and balls fer a while.
[J.N.:] I'm just gonna eat, mom.
[Momma:] All right. And then maybe a little later, you can play with yer cock and balls fer momma.
[J.N.:] I don't think so.
[Momma:] Ok. Slow down Jimmy, yer already halfway done with yer sandwhich.
You're gonna get a belly ache.
[Jimmy:] No I'm not. I'm hungry.
[Momma:] I know, but you shouldn't so fast.
You're rushing honey, you're gonna choke. Put down your sandwhich and beat off your cock and balls for a little bit. Pace yourself.
[Jimmy:] Oh god.

[Momma:] Tracy, do you want some fruit or a sandwhich?
[Tracy:] No mom, I'm trying to lose weight. Guy said I'm getting fat.
[Momma:] What? You look beautiful honey. He's crazy.
[Tracy:] Guy said last summer I looked better in a bathing suit, so I'm gonna try to lose like three or four pounds.
[Momma:] Awww, sweetheart.
You've got so much to learn.
Guy doesn't want you to lose weight, baby.
It's just his way of telling you he wants you to smack around his cock and balls some more, honey.
He's got some balls and some cock. You gotta stroke his schlong or at least bite his nuts.
[Tracy:] Mom!
[Momma:] You're scared, aren't ya honey.
You want momma to help you?
Momma will stroke Guy's penis for him.
No one has to know. I'll sneak in when it's dark.
[Tracy:] No! Mom, please!
[Momma:] You don't know how to tug on the cock and balls?
You need momma to show you?
Get me a carrot, sweetheart.
Where are you going!?

[J.N.:] Mom, where's the suntan lotion?
[Momma:] It's under the chair baby.
You gonna lube up yer cock and balls and wack it for a little bit?
[J.N.:] Uhh, no. I'm just going to put some on my face so I don't get sunburnt.
[Momma:] Smart thinking honey.
And while yer at it you can put some on your brother's ding dong and knock around his nuts for him.
[Jimmy:] Mom!
[Momma:] What Jimmy. Why don't you let your brother wack your cock and nuts for a little bit.
You're not playing with them right now so why not let him. Share, baby!
[Jimmy:] You're weird mom! I'm going swimming!
[Momma:] Oh, you shouldn't swim for a half an hour. I read that.
[Jimmy:] Why?
[Momma:] Because you just ate, honey.
And you'll get cramps.
Why don't you just lay on the side of the pool and jiggle your balls for momma.
[Jimmy:] It's ok. I'll stay in the shallow end.
[Momma:] Ok, baby. But don't hurt yourself with that big juicy hog of yours.

[Jimmy:] Hey, J.N. Throw me that frisby.
[J.N.:] Here! Whoops!

[Sails over and falls to the ground]
[Jimmy:] Nice throw. Right over the fence and into the Chasen's yard.
[Momma:] Don't get all huffy puffy. I'll get it.
Momma will make everything all right.
J.N. you watch Jimmy and make sure he's safe in that water.
[J.N.:] Ok, ma.
[Momma:] And if you want you can beat your cock and balls. Hi Mr. Chasen!
[Mr. Chasen: Oh, hi Emily. How are you?
[Momma:] Oh, the boys threw the frisbee over the fence again.
And there it is under the bush.
[Mr. Chasen:] I'll get it for you.
[Momma:] Sorry. Thank you.
And while your under that bush, why don't you jack around your cock and balls for yourself.
You can stare at my jugs and play with that healthy wang of yours.
[Mr. Chasen:] No, I'll just.. I'll just get your frisbee.
[Momma:] All right baby.
[Mr. Chasen:] Here you go.
[Momma:] Thank you. Thanks. Thank Mr. Chasen, boys!
[Boys:] Thanks Mr. Chasen!
[Mr. Chasen:] You're welcome fellas.
[Momma:] Have a good day.
Oh, and..and tell your son Tommy,
if he wants to come over later and play with his cock and balls with the kids he's always welcome.
I don't know what happened with him and the boys,
but they don't seem to be friendly anymore.
[Mr. Chasen:] I'll do that Emily.
[Momma:] All right. He's got a big one. You know that.

[Momma:] Tracy! You're boyfriend Guy's car just pulled up.
[Tracy:] Ok mom. Please don't embarass me!
[Momma:] Everything embarasses you at this age, but I'll do my best.
Don't worry.
[Guy:] Is it ok to come in?
[Tracy:] Come on back here guy!
[Momma:] Oh!
[Tracy:] Thanks for coming over!
[Momma:] Nice to see you Guy.
[Guy:] Hi Mrs. Tucker.
[Momma:] Why don't you go for a swim with the others?
[Guy:] I didn't bring a bathing suit with me.
[Momma:] Oh no! You don't need a bathing suit.
Just pull off your clothes and let your cock and balls feel the nice warm water.
[Guy:] Uhhh, that's ok, Mrs. Tucker.
[Momma:] Come on! Pull out your cock and balls.
The water's heated. You'll love it.
[Tracy:] Mom! Stop it! Now!
[Momma:] What are you talking about, honey!?
This way his balls are out, you can stroke his ding dong in front of all of us.
Come on, pull out that hog of yours.
I wanna see it anyways.
I wanna know what my daughter's been stroking.
[Tracy:] Mom! Stop it!
[Momma:] In fact, everybody, pull out your cock and balls and rub it for momma.
Play with yourself. It'll be good. Everyone. Wack away!
[J.N.:] You're sick mom! I'm leaving.
[Jimmy:] I'm going to Billy's house. I can't take this anymore.

[Walking away]
[Guy:] Come on, let's go.
[Tracy:] You've humiliated me and Guy. We are so outta here.

[Momma:] What did I do? What is the matter with you all?
Come back here!
You're ruining the day!
It's so beautiful out.
This is too much of a...

[Picks up phone and starts dialing while car drives off]
I can't take these kids anymore...

[Phone rings and gets picked up]
[Grandma:] Hello?
[Momma:] Momma, it's me, I'm very upset,
[Grandma:] Oh, what's the matter, baby?
[Momma:] The kids are yelling at me and they left me here all alone.
[Grandma:] Did you tell them the kids to play with their cock and balls?
[Momma:] I told them to play with their cock and balls.
[Grandma:] And what did they say?
[Momma:] They don't wanna play with them anymore.
[Grandma:] Why don't they wanna play with them anymore?
[Momma:] I don't understand. They've got cock and balls. They should play with them.
[Grandma:] Poppy always loves when I play with his cock and balls.
[Momma:] You smack around daddy's cock still, why shouldn't they beat theirs?
[Grandma:] Tell them to come over to grandma's house. I'll play with their cock and balls.
[Momma:] Oh momma.

ADAM SANDLER The Excited Southerner At A Job Interview

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER The Excited Southerner At A Job Interview Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[Adam Sandler:]
And now the excited Southerner has a job interview.

So why don't you tell me why you would be an asset to this company.

[Excite Southerner:]
...Good question, I have a good answer for that...first first first of all I am
a very...very hard work...vocational skills...I went to...willing to work on a
holidays...I had a tango and mirumba lessons...learning to get along with other
people...but I'm sorry I got my G.E.D....with a overtime...time and a
half...speakin in two languages...Spanish and a...a..another one....and I and
and...loyal like a dog...tell you that much...willin to start at the
bottom...and also stay there...your intestines...completely
flawless...drug-free with a...whoo-wee..good references...if you call my last
boss...he was..actually he was gonna inform me...with a...I got no dependence
with the W-2 form...and I was wondering..

You know what? That's great but uh we don't have anything open right now.
Thanks for comin' down.

[Excited Southerner:]

Are you alright?

ADAM SANDLER Steve Polychronopolous

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Steve Polychronopolous Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

- Polychronopolous

I'm a big fuckin' dick
I'm a pain in your ass
I drink all your beer
I'll eat the last slice
I'll give you charley horses
I'll pull your shorts down at the beach
I always need a ride
Nobody likes me

My name's Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous

I spit when I talk
I swear in front of your mother
I throw shit at the movies
I wear tight pants
I ask you to buy an extra Yankee ticket
And then I don't show
I tell you I saw your girlfriend
Fucking two guys at a party

'Cause my name's Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous

I'll piss on your toilet seat and tell your dad you got stoned
I'll borrow your jacket and never think of returning it

Shit for brains

I'll leave your gate open
So your dog runs away
I'll make fun of your pimple
Then I'll grab your sister's ass

'Cause my name's Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous

And I don't care
And I don't give a shit

I'll break your brother's stereo
And then tell him it was you
You think you're better than me
Well you're fucking wrong

Everybody knows I'm Steve Motherfucking Polychronopolous

Deal with it

ADAM SANDLER The Hypnotist

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER The Hypnotist Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[typing sounds]
[Dr. Stewart:] Hi, [I'm] Dr. Stewart.
[Gary Phelps:] Hi, Dr. Stewart. Nice to meet you -- I'm Gary Phelps.
[Dr. Stewart:] My pleasure. Gary, have you ever been hypnotized before?
[Gary Phelps:] No, I haven't. I'm actually quite nervous, but I just, uh, I --
[Dr. Stewart:] All right, and you were referred to me by anyone...?
[Gary Phelps:] To be honest with you,
I saw your name in the Yellow Pages,
and It said you're good at this stuff, so I just,
I gotta give it a shot, just kick this whole cigarette thing...
[Dr. Stewart:] So smoking is your problem?
[Gary Phelps:] Yeah, I can't stop smoking and it's --
it's finally, like, affecting everything I do,
I can't run, I can't play basketball and all that stuff like that, so I,
I gotta give it up.
[Dr. Stewart:] How long have you smoked, Gary?
[Gary Phelps:] Uh, I started when I was eleven years old, and I just can't kick it, you know?

[Dr. Stewart:] Yeah, right. [small, barely noticeable fart]
All right, Gary, why don't you just have a seat here and sit down and just relax --
what I do is hypnosis.
[Gary Phelps:] Right.
[Dr. Stewart:] Basically I just want you to sit back and relax --
let yourself sit back and relax and sink into the chair, and ,
um, just feel comfortable and trust me.

[bigger fart]
[Gary Phelps: noticing fart sound] Uh...
[Dr. Stewart:] That's it.
[Gary Phelps:] O-kay....
[Dr. Stewart:] That's it.
[Gary Phelps:] That was...o-kay...
[Dr. Stewart:] All right? Okay. Gary, I want you to close your eyes,
and I just want you to again relax and try to concentrate on nothing.
Okay? That's it. Now I'm gonna count backwards from five to zero --
[Gary Phelps:] Right.
[Dr. Stewart:] -- and I just want you to relax, and you're going to fall into a deep state of mind --
of subconsciousness -- you're very comfortable,
I'll be counting back from five, I just want you to relax,
and just think of nothing.
[three farts in succession]
[Gary Phelps:] Are you gonna keep doing that, or...?
[Dr. Stewart:] Hmm? Just concentrate now. That's it.
Close your eyes. Keep your eyes closed. Okay. Now.
We're very comfortable.
Five [small fart], we're thinking of nothing except being comfortable
and nothing's bothering us. Okay.
When I say the word relax, listen to me, you're sinking, you're sinking, [medium fart]
[Gary Phelps:] Oh my god...that was, uh....are you gonna keep doing that?
[Dr. Stewart:] Please just try to relax that wasn't me. Okay.
You're very stressed -- you're very stressed.
Okay, four, we're relaxing, we're relaxing, you're very comfortable,
you're very, very soothed. Okay. Four, three...[fart]
[Gary Phelps:] Oh my dear god, sir...uh, I can't...
[Dr. Stewart:] That was the couch. I know it sounded like -- it's --
the vinyl -- it's a new couch -- please, just try and concentrate.
Okay. And we're very sleepy, we're relaxed, thinking nothing bothers us,
nothing bothers us -- [several farts]
[Gary Phelps:] Uh, um, all right, could you open a window, maybe?
I'm just having a tough time concentrating --
[Dr. Stewart:] Hmm? Here we go -- there, there, we're relaxing, we're relaxing
[fart and cough together] three, two, two --
[Gary Phelps:] I was just going to ask you if you could maybe stop doing that.
I can't concentrate when you're doing that.
[Dr. Stewart:] This is what I do. It's a counting-down thing.
We're relaxing now. Just relax -- let it go,
don't focus on anything else, just concentrate on what we're doing here.
Three, two, relax, relax, that's it, just relax [fart], we're relaxing now --
[Gary Phelps:] Okay -- you're gonna -- that one was --
it's getting a little irritating --
[Dr. Stewart:] Hang on just a second here.
Let me just step out a second here.
[Gary Phelps:] That'd be good.
[Dr. Stewart:] All right, and we're relaxing,
as I leave, we're relaxing, still relaxing,
[fart in the distance]
[Gary Phelps:] Jesus...Oh my God.
[Dr. Stewart:] We're relaxing.
[Gary Phelps: trying hard not to laugh]
[Dr. Stewart:] Okay, I'm back, we're relaxing, and we're counting down,
we're to two, and all we're thinking about is healthy, fresh air.
Freshness. Breathing in. Breathing in deep, letting out. [fart]
[Gary Phelps:] Sir, I'd appreciate if you could stop 'letting it out'.
But okay, okay, fine, thank you.
[Dr. Stewart:] That's it, you're all right, everything's good.
All right, you feel very comfortable, you're sinking into the chair,
we're relaxing, one [long fart], and we're coming down to zero and --
[Gary Phelps:] Oh my god, uh...yes, all right, it was nothing...
[Dr. Stewart:] No, no, that time that was you.
[Gary Phelps:] That wasn't me!

[Dr. Stewart: We're not here to pick sides, we're not here to pick sides, that was you, and maybe we could deal with this in another session, but right now we're dealing with the smoking, and, um, let's not worry about anything else that's going down --
[Gary Phelps: OK, I've just gotta kick this habit.
[Dr. Stewart: Down to zero, relaxing, we're going to feel very fresh [fart], we're going to feel very healthy [fart], and let's take a nice, deep breath --
[Gary Phelps: I can't breathe, sir, uh, I'm sorry, I just -- [ squirty fart]
[Gary Phelps: Oh my god -- what did you eat? It smells like baby food --

[Dr. Stewart:] All right, we're relaxing --
that one probably squirted out a little into the pants,
but we'll just continue with thte floating [fart] --
yeah, that was definitely a squirt --
but here we go, one, zero, we are under.
Are you relaxed?
[Gary Phelps:] Yeah, I'm under, I guess.
[Dr. Stewart:] Here we go, relaxing, relaxing.
You're under a deep trance, you will not smoke anymore,
you will just feel healthy from now on, and you'll be breathing in nothing
but fresh air, and you will not smell anything in this room, it wasn't me,
it wasn't me farting [fart] -- that was not me --
[Gary Phelps: hysterically laughing under his breath]
You're gonna have to stop doing that, sir. It's just very hard for me to listen to you when you're --
[Dr. Stewart:] You're floating now, you're high above, you're looking down,
nothing but fresh pastures and fields, and here we go [long fart]
[Gary Phelps:] Oh man...
[Dr. Stewart:] -- that was you,
[Gary Phelps:] That was not me, sir! I'm watching you!
[Dr. Stewart:] That was you, and when you wake up, you will not remember any of this, except that it was you, or my receptionist, don't worry, she gets it all the time. All right -- you smell nothing I'm perfectly clean. I have no bad gas it was all from outside or from -- from -- you yourself. And let's not forget the smoking thing that's why you're here. No smoking. Repeat after me: I am a smelly pig.
[Gary Phelps:] What?
[Dr. Stewart:] All right, we're moving along, and we 're relaxed. [fart]
All right, and now we're going to count back up, up one to five,
[Gary Phelps:] OK, you know, I think this is fine, I don't want to smoke...
[Dr. Stewart:] Gary, settle down, relax, and when I get to five,
you will snap out of this, and you won't remember this,
especially the smell, the smell was from you.
All right? And here we go.
Zero, we're coming out of it, you're waking up slowly, your eyes are opening,
one, you're feeling good, and when you wake up,
you'll feel wide awake and perfect you'll feel whole and [fart] all-righty,
I ripped that one out there and I apologize.
I ripped a good one there. That was a nice out..
[Gary Phelps:] That was not nice.
[Dr. Stewart:] Here we go, and, we're coming right [fart]
[Gary Phelps:] What was that?
[Dr. Stewart:] That was three.
[Gary Phelps:] It didn't sound like three.
[Dr. Stewart:] three, I'm counting, and four, it's no smell in here, and you don't smoke, you don't want a cigarette, no, and here we go [fart] five, and -- [snap] Do you want a cigarette?
[Gary Phelps:] No I don't.
[Dr. Stewart:] Then my job is done.
[Gary Phelps: bursts into laughter]
[Dr. Stewart: fart] Please leave the door open as you leave. [fart]
[Gary Phelps:] OK, thank you, Doctor.

[typing resumes and another fart is heard]

ADAM SANDLER The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[Adam Sandler:]
And now the excited Southerner gets pulled over by a cop.

Do you realize how fast you were going sir?

{Excited Southerner:]

Yes..yes I do...and uh there is an explanation for that...first of all..let me
start off by very
hard...and I do respect what you do...protectin and uh the...lead got the radar
gun...not the to...get home..for pregnant wife...she's at the hospital right birth to twins...I gotta get guy next to me
was...going faster than me....just keeping up...with the
cousin's....also a state New Jersey...maybe you could talk to...a
tree branch was...covering the speed limit sign...with a...and a truck was
tailgating me...I just hope...

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Here's your ticket. Save it for the judge.

ADAM SANDLER The Chanukah Song

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER The Chanukah Song Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

This is a song that uhh..
There's a lot of Christmas songs out there and uhh..
not too many Chanukah songs.
So uhh..
I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear
any Chanukah songs.
Here we go...

Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
Here's a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me
David Lee Roth lights the menorah
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli
Bowser from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli
Paul Newman's half Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too
Put them together, what a fine lookin' Jew

You don't need Deck The Halls or Jingle Bell Rock
'Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock- both Jewish

Put on your yarmulke
It's time for Chanukah
The owner of the Seattle Supersonicahs
Celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson, not a Jew
But guess who is? Hall of famer Rod Carew- he converted
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish- not too shabby

Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well he's not, but guess who is
All three Stooges
So many Jews are in showbiz
Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is

Tell your friend Veronica
It's time to celebrate Chanukah
I hope I get a harmonicah
Oh this lovely, lovely Chanukah
So drink your gin and tonicah
And smoke your marijuanikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah
Happy Chanukah


welcome to

ADAM SANDLER The Goat Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[ADAM:] I am a simple goat.
I live on the back of a pick-up truck.
The Old Man tied me here with a 3 ft. rope.
Am I happy?
He don't give a fuck.
[OLD MAN:] Hey goat!
I'm gonna beat your head in with the hickory stick!
[ADAM:] Sometimes he uses his fists-a.
He's filled with anger and filled with rage,
and tells me I smell like piss-a.
His drink, Jimmy Beam.
His chaser, a beer.
After that, various alchohols.
That's when the beatings get so severe,
I sleep,
I pray he falls.
But don't feel sorry for me.
Things weren't always this bad.
Why when I was a young talking goat,
the Old Man was just like my dad.

I come from the hills of Europe.
That's where I met the Old Man.
He was lost in the woods,
I gave him directions,
He gave me a tuna can.
Then he stopped in his tracks and he said,
[OLD MAN:] Hey goat!
[ADAM:] Would you like to live with me?
I got a house with a pick-up truck
in a place across D.C.-a.
I said, sure why not? I got no family. You seem like a nice guy.
So we went off to America,
the home of apple pie.

On the boat the Old Man told me,
I would be a present for his wife.
quot A talking goat, quot he exclaimed,
quot She's never seen this in her life! quot
I felt so special.
Well, I just couldn't believe it,
after all these years,
I finally had a friend.
He trimmed my beard,
he scraped my hooves,
I prayed it would never end.

But when we got to his house,
there was no wife.
Only a short, short letter.
It said : I'm leaving you for your brother
because he fucks me better.
His eyes filled with tears of sadness.
His heart was filled with grief.
To suit himself he drank a pint of Old Grandad,
and beat me like a side of beef.
I screamed, quot send me back to the hills of Europe! quot
He just shook his head and said,
[OLD MAN:] Nope!
[ADAM:] No one will ever leave me again,
to make sure,
put on the 3 ft. fucking rope-a.
Present-day I've been on the truck for 51 years.
My only friend is the A.M. radio.
Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by,
but it's always rocks and beer bottles that they throw.
At first they're excited to see a talking goat,
they gather 'round to hear what I have to say.
But I guess sometimes my stories go on too long,
so they leave and giggle,
I need a bidet.
But you know there was a night
that I did get off the truck,
when the Old Man was passed out drunk.
Three neighborhood kids took me to a rock and roll concert.
The kind of music?
Old school funk.

It was the first time I'd been off the truck,
the music made me lose control.
The lead singer asked if we were having fun,
I said, quot fucking crank that rock and roll-a! quot
The women at the show were beautiful,
as they danced sexily on the soft grass.
One of them even petted my fur.
Fuck me in the goat ass!
Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns
and threw me in the mosh pit-a.
They passed me around and treated me nice
til I nervously sprayed them with shit-a.
Then the music stopped.
And everything was quiet.
And all the rock and rollers started a
fucking goat riot.
[ROCK AND ROLLERS:] Kill the goat!
Kill the goat!
Kill the goat!
Kill the goat!
[ADAM:] They chased me under the bleachers.
They chased me onto the street-a.
They chased me into an alley and said I was dead fucking goat meat-a.
But then I saw a sight,
that I'd never thought I'd see.
The Old Man swinging his hickory stick,
but he wasn't swinging at me.
[OLD MAN:] Fuck you pot smoking turkeys!
Don't you press your luck!
[ADAM:] The long-hairs ran away screaming
as I scrambled onto the truck-a.
When we got home the Old Man said, quot goat you broke the sacred law. quot
[ADAM:] No!
quot I'll let it go this time,
but if you leave again,
I'll break your fucking jaw. quot
Thank you Old Man for saving my life.
Thank you again and again.
You could have let them barbeque me,
but you acted like a friend.
quot I'm not your friend.
I don't even like you.
I'm just not drunk, quot he said.
To prove his point,
he drank a bottle of grain alchohol,
and beat the fucking shit out of my head.
Ow! Ow! Ow! You're hurting me Old Man.

That night I suffered a concussion,
Deep inside my goat brain.
I still cannot feel my tailbone.
And I'll probably will never walk straight again.
I guess you'd call me,
escape goat.
A punching bag for the Old Man to mock.
Just because his wife left him,
for his brother's abnormaly large cock.
He could've been my buddy.
But instead he's a crazy old fuck.
And once again I go to sleep,
in my eternal home.......
the back of the pick-up truck.
Good night Old Man!
[OLD MAN:] Yeah, good night goat!

ADAM SANDLER The Excited Southerner Orders A Meal

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER The Excited Southerner Orders A Meal Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[Adam:] And the now the excited southerner orders a meal at his favorite

[Waiter:] Hi, what can I get you today?

[Excited Southerner:] Hi, how are you...I was...if you could, tell me, if,
the chef salad, if it, does it come, if you come... a la carte, if you see the...I
saw the breakfast menu and the, and they got the, and the different entrees
with the dspe-dspe-dspe-dspecials today, and the the and...I'm watching my
weight...diabetic, with the low sodium...if you could broil...i-i-i-instead
of fried, I ya, just, hash browns...I wanted to mix the ketchup with the
may-mayonaise, make my own sauce, if that's, could bring out a separate
plate for that with the chicken, your chicken fried steak...the blue plate
special, does that come with the soup of the day, or-

[Waiter:] I'll come back when you're ready.

[Excited Southerner:] Hoooo...


welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Ode To My Car Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

Here we go

Piece of shit car
I got a piece of shit car
That fuckin' pile of shit
Never gets me very far

My car's a big piece of shit
'Cause the shocks are fucking shot
And my seatbelt's fucking broken
I got to tie it in a knot
(It's a piece of shit)

I can't see through the windshield
'Cause it's got a big fucking' crack
And the interior smells real bad
'Cause my friend puked in the back
(It's a piece of shit)

(Piece of shit car)
Piece of shit car
(He's got a piece of shit car)
It sucks royal dick
(That fuckin' pile of shit)
100% crap
(Never gets him very far)
Oh fuck you car

It's got no CD player, it only got the 8-track
Whoever designed my car can lick my sweaty nut sack
(They can bite his ass too)
And I got no fuckin' brakes
I'm always way out of control
Eleven times a day I hear Hey, watch it asshole
(You fuckin' piece of shit)

(Piece of shit car)
I got piece of shit car
(He got a piece of shit car)
Diesel gas sucks my ass
(That fuckin' pile of shit)
That pile of metal shit
(Never gets him very far)

Oh what the fuck did I do
What the fuck did I do
What the fuck did I do
To get stuck with you
You're too wide for drive-through
And you smell like the shoe
But I'm too broke to buy something new
Oh fuck me

Well the engine likes to flood
The car always fuckin' stalls
And the seat cushion's got a big rip
So a spring always pokes the balls
(Ouch, ouch, ouch)
Plus the door locks are busted
I gotta use a fucking coat hanger
(What a pain in his ass)
And if a girlie sees my car
There's no chance I'll ever bang her
(He never ever gets the pussy)
Hey shut up
(Piece of shit car)
You piece of shit car

(You got a piece of shit car)
You piece of shit car
(Piece of shit car)
Bald fuckin' tires
(You got a piece of shit car)
No rearview fucking mirror
(Piece of shit car)
Seven different colors
(You got a piece of shit car)
Fucking rag for a gas cap
(Piece of shit car)
Tailpipe makes the sparks fly everywhere
(You got a piece of shit car)
(Piece of shit car)
(You got a piece of shit car)
(Piece of shit car)
Oh the whole town thinks I'm a loser
(You got a piece of shit car)
Cabby give me a push
(Piece of shit car...)


welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Respect Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[Nikki's grandfather:] hey, everybody! Nikki had his first day of school today!

[everybody:] oh, yeah, good nikki that's great. Respect!

[NG:] how ya doin Nikki?

[Nikki:] well, okay grandpa

[everyone:] oh, good he's okay. showin the respect. Respect!

[NG:(lights cigarette)] hey, Nikki tell us about your first day of school

[N:] School good! We do fingerpainting,

[ev:] oh, yeah, you gotta respect the fingerpainting. Yeah, respect the fingerpaint. Respect the smearing.

[NG:] alright, tell us some more Nikki!

[N:] we make pla-do,

[ev:] oh, you gotta love the pla-do. Respect the pla-do. give full respect to the pla-do. You put it, you roll it around, you show it respect.

[NG:] alright, did you smell the pa-do?

[N:] pla-do smell good!

[ev:] oh, you gotta respect the smell

[Sammy:] it's squishy! It's squishy!

[old men:] of course it's squishy, he knows it's squishy, it's pla-do. What are you, a moron? Sammy, shut the fuck up! My god, he's an idiot!

[NG:] tell grandpa some more

[N:] we have cookies and milk too!

[ev.:] oh, you gotta respect the cookies and milk. [scattered laughter] I respect cookies! Who doesn't respect cookies?!

[NG:] did you dunk it in the milk?

[N:] I dunk the cookie

[ev:] oh, you gotta respect the dunking. yeah. Ya gotta dunk it. Dunking's good. Respect the milk!

[N:] I like soggy cookies!

[Sammy:] respect the milk!

[om:] why, you fuckin moron. You must be an idiot! I just fuckin said that! You idiot!

[NG:] what else, nikki?

[N:] teacher read us 3 little pigs!

[ev:] oh, yeah respect the pigs. respect the bricks. Big respect for the pigs. You respect the pigs, they'll respect you.

[S:] don't respect the wolf!

[om:] Sammy, jump in front of a fuckin truck! You shut the fuck up sammy! Every single word that comes out of your fuckin mouth is so disrespectful!

[NG:] what else, Nikki?

[N:] well, I play on the playground, and I swing on the monkey bars...

[ev.:] oh, you gotta respect those monkey bars, man. gotta love thos monkey bars. And show the respect.

[N:(throughout chatter)] A boy pushed me off the see-saw.

[NG:] Quiet! quiet, everybody! What did you say?

[N:] A boy pushed me off the see-saw.

[NG:] and what is this boy's name?

[N:] his name Donny McMillan

[ev: (Slams Fist)] he's fuckin dead! He's a fucking dead man, you hear me? I'll fuckin cut his balls off and feed 'em to his fuckin mother! The kid's dead! This little fuck is dead!

[NG:] What else, Nikki?

[N:] I kiss a girl on the playground

[ev:] oh, respect for the young lover. Show respect, show respect.

[Sammy:] gotta respect the condom!

[om:] you fuckin moron, what are you talking about a condom you fuckin idiot? he's five fuckin years old! (I'm just sayin!) you fuckin idiot! I'll fuckin put a fuckin condom on your fuckin tombstone! Sammy, you're a moron!

[NG:] tell grandpa some more, Nikki

[N:] We sing the alphabet song!

[ev.:] Oh, you gotta respect the alphabet song. It's a good song! It's a good song, it helps you remember! You gotta respect it! Yeah, you gotta respect it!

[NG:] okay, let's hear you sing the song!

[S:] learnin-

[om:] sammy, shutup!

[N:] ok:

[Starts singing very off-tone]


[om:] oh, respect!


[om:] respect!


[Sammy:] oh, you gotta respect the song!

[om:] sammy, shut the fuck up! He's fuckin trying to sing a fuckin song here, you moron! show a little respect!


[om:] oh, you gotta show respect.


[om:] respect, respect, respect, respect! Oh, they always go together


[om:] oh, you gotta show the respect


[om:] oh, respect the v. good letter.

and Z!

[om:] oh, respect the completion. You gotta show respect for the kid, he's a smart one!

[N:] now I know my abc's-

[ev.:] alright, we know the song. Alright, it's getting a little long. Let's move on.

[NG:] you do good in the spelling bee?

[N:] I can spell, grandpa!

[ev:] ah, respect the confidence! The kid can spell! Just like his grandfather his grandfather can spell!

[NG:] Okay, I'm gonna spell you something right now, and you tell me what I'm spellin okay?

[N:] okay grandpa

[NG:] okay, nikki?

[N:] okay, granpa

[NG:] you ready for this?

[N:] okay, granpa

[NG:] are you ready for this?

[N:] alright, grandpa!

[NG:] Alright, here we go!

[Old man:] R!

[OM:] E!

[OM:] S!

[OM:] P!

[S:] S!

[om:] what the fuck, s? Sammy what's fuckin wrong with you?!! You fuckin idiot! Where'd you learn to fuckin spell?!...

[NG:] alright my little angel, we're gonna spell the word for you again, and you're gonna tell grandpa what we're spellin, alright? Here we go,

[N:] Okay!

[NG:] and Sammy, you're gonna keep your fuckin trap shut!

[S:] consider it done!

[OM:] R!

[OM:] E!

[OM:] S!

[OM:] P!

[OM:] E!

[OM:] C!

[OM:] T!

[N:] uuuh,.....respect!

[ev:] respect! He got it, the kid's got it! He's one of us! He's got it!


[chant fades]

ADAM SANDLER Joining The Cult

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Joining The Cult Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[Sounds of Basketball being shot around]
[Sandler:] Hey man, I'm joining a religious cult.
[Allen:] Now, that's ridiculous.
[Sandler:] Well, I'm joining it, so you gotta sign up too.
[Allen:] What are you talking about?
[Sandler:] Hey, don't fuck me on this, man, just sign up.
[Allen:] No, I'm not going to join a cult!
[Sandler:] I can't believe you're pulling this shit on me after Monday night --
[Allen:] What?
[Sandler:] -- I wanted to watch Monday Night Football
and you wanted to watch that other show and we watched your show --
I did that for you!
[Allen:] Yeah, well, you kept flippin' back to the game.
Whadda you gotta do that's so fucking importnat you can't join the religious cult with me?
[Allen:] Well, I was gonna go sunbathing.
[Sandler:] Oh, boy, no no, I don't think you should do that.
Because this guy, Russell -- he's the leader-guy of the cult --
[Allen:] -- yeah --
[Sandler:] -- he was rambling on during one of the speeches
about the sun being bad, like the beast can't come out
because the sun's too bright and the sun hurts his eyes or something --
you show up all sunburned and that guy's gonna get pissed at you and me!
[Allen:] Well, I'm not in the cult, so I don't have to worry about pissing the leader guy off!
[Sandler:] Look, I'm -- starting to believe in some of the stuff the cult guy's been saying --
some of it makes a lot of sense!
[Allen:] Well, good, but I don't want to join the cult.
We can still hang out I just won't be in it with you.
[Sandler:] The point is, I'm not gonna have time to hang out with you because I'm gonna be fuckin' busy with this fuckin' cult!
[Allen:] So I'll visit on weekends -- we'll work it out.
[Sandler:] No, the weekends are like the busiest time --
that's when we go to flea malls and fuckin' malls and talk people into joining, man!
[Allen:] Can I join for just a little while?
I told my dad I'd go visit him in Florida in three weeks.
[Sandler:] Well, just, we'll ask then, but we gotta join now.
[Allen:] What's the hurry?
[Sandler:] There's a girl I wanna meet there, what the fuck's your problem?
[Allen:] Well, I mean I don't really have to believe in this stuff, do I?
[Sandler:] No, no, just fuckin' tell everybody you believe in this shit -- when they say the sun sucks, go,
Yeah, fuck the sun, I fuckin' hate it too, long live the fuckin' beast.
[Allen:] I don't know, man. This is crazy.
[Sandler:] Look, they're gonna give you clothers, a free haircut, you're gonna get food --
[Allen:] -- it's not gonna be one of those weird haircuts, is it?
[Sandler:] It's gonna be a haircut, all right?
You said you need a haircut, they're gonna fuckin' cut your hair.
You're going in, saving twelve bucks, just fuckin' do it!
[Allen:] Do you think the hot girl has a friend for me?
[Sandler:] Yeah, sure, and if she doesn't, she'll go out and recruit one for you!
[Allen:] Well, all right. But, hey, if I don't like it, I'm going to escape, man.
[Sandler:] OK, that's up to you.

[Three weeks later!]

[Chanting repeatedly] The night time is the right time!
The night time is the right time!
[Sandler:] Hey buddy, are you glad you did this?
[Allen:] Oh, this is the best thing I ever did. Thank you.
[Sandler:] You're not mad at them making you, uh, kill your father, are you?
[Allen:] You know, it's like they said. It was the only way to save him.
[Sandler:] You're a good guy.
[Allen:] You're a better one.
[Chanting resumes]

ADAM SANDLER My Little Chicken

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER My Little Chicken Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

When I'm feeling down
And feeling sad
You come around
And make me glad
I got you
Oh, my little chicken

I love your feet
I love your breasts
I love the way you eat gravel
To help you digest
Oh, my little chicken

People say you're using me
In your heart you're a killer
But I know the worst
I should fear is
A slight case of salmonella
So lie right back
Don't you cry
If an egg can fit in there
Why can't I.....mmmmmmm
Oh my little

Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawk
Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawk
Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawking Bawk,
Bawk, Bawk, Bawking Bawk

You're my love
My little chicken likes
To wear garter belts

ADAM SANDLER Teenage Love On The Phone

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Teenage Love On The Phone Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[Richie:] So ya doin' good?
[Samantha:] Ya, I'm fine, how 'bout you?
[Richie:] How good could I be? I haven't seen you in three hours.
[Samantha:] Ohhh, Richie. Hey Richie, my dad's down the hall,
and he doesn't want me on the phone.
So if I hang up on you, it's just because he's coming.
[Richie:] Ok. So look, uh, do you wanna meet at the Spring Fling Dance thi...
[She hangs up phone]

[Phone rings]
[Richie:] Hello?
[Samantha:] Sorry, I thought he was coming.
[Richie:] That's ok. So, about the dance. Do you wanna meet
[Samantha:] Umm, well my brother gets the car on Friday nights.
[Richie:] Well that's ok, I'll come by and get you. Lets say around...
[She hangs up phone]
[Richie:] Come on..

[Phone rings]
[Richie:] Hey.
[Samantha:] Sorry. I guess he was just going to the bathroom.
[Richie:] That's ok. Well look, uh.. what was I saying?
Oh yeah, should I pick you up at like seven-thirty
or maybe do you wanna go later when the dance is really kickin..
[She hangs up the phone again]
[Richie:] Give me a break...

[Phone rings]
[Richie:] Hello.
[Samantha:] Sorry. It was just my dog.
[Richie:] Hey, what's your dad's problem anyways!? Why can't we talk?
[Samantha:] He just thinks I'm on the phone too much.
Oh my God, uh, I gotta go.
[Richie:] Don't hang up!
[Samantha:] Richie, I can't talk!
[Richie:] No, I'm sick of this! Put your dad on the phone! I wanna talk to him.
[Samantha:] It's not my dad.
[Richie:] What? Well, who's there? Why can't you talk?
[Samantha:] Uh, just look Richie, someone is here.
[Richie:] Who's there? Is it a guy!?
[Samantha:] Richie!
[Richie:] I knew it! I'll kill him! Put him on the phone!
[Samantha:] oh.. it's just.. hold on.

[Hands phone to guy]
[Richie:] Hey man! What the hell are you doing there!? Samantha's my girl!
You'd better stay away from her or I'll make you wish you were never born!
[Buffoon:] Fuckin' shit!
[Richie:] Yeah, fuckin' shit is right buddy!
Don't think I'm kidding around, man! I'm crazy! I'll smash your head in! I swear to God!
[Buffoon:] One time I saw my Grandmother in the shower. Her bush starts above her belly button.
[Richie:] Yeah, well that's too bad! But I'm still gonna come over there and beat your face in!
[Richie slams down phone]

[Samantha: What happened? Was he mad?
[Buffoon: My neighbor's dog has a four inch clit!
[Samantha: Oh Buffoon, you're the coolest. [Whispering] I love you...

ADAM SANDLER Toll Booth Willie

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Toll Booth Willie Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[Car approaches]
[Toll Booth Willie:] Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five please.
[M1:] Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?
[Toll Booth Willie:] Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!
[M1:] Aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a fuckin' idiot!
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] Go fuck yourself you son of a bitch!
I'll come right outta the booth and fuckin' whack ya, you fuckin' prick!

[Another car approaches]
[M2:] Hey, hey, Willie! Hows it going?
[Toll Booth Willie:] Hey, can't complain, pop. Hows 'bout you?
[M2:] Oh, great, great. How much?
[Toll Booth Willie:] The state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop.
[M2:] That's fine. Now should I give you the money,
or should I shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] Why you fuckin' hard on!
I'll fucking Carlton Fisk yer fuckin' head with a Louise-ville fuckin' slugger!
Whadya think of that ass fuck!?

[Another car approaches]
[F1:] Hi Willie.
[Toll Booth Willie:] Oh, nice to see ya M'am. Not a bad day, huh?
[F1:] Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out?
I hear your the best with directions.
[Toll Booth Willie:] Well I know my way around New England.
I can tell ya that much. So where ya headed?
[F1:] Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way
to drive up your ass. You know, if you'd tell me,
I'd appreciate it, you fuckin' prick.
[Drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] You fuckin' bitch! Fuck you!
You forgot to pay the fuckin' toll you dirty whore!
I'll fuckin' drop you with a boot to the fuckin' skull you cum guzzling queen!

[Another car approaches]
[M3:] Hey Willie.
[Toll Booth Willie:] Hey, how are ya?
[M3:] Here's a dollar twenty-five, and go fuck yourself.
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] Dah, you fuckin' prick!
I hope you choke on a fuckin' bottle cap, ya fuckin' son of a fuck!
Eat shit! Eat my shit!

[Another car approaches]
[Bishop Nelson:] Hello Willie. Good to see you.
[Toll Booth Willie:] Ahhh, Bishop Nelson. Nice to see ya.
That was quite a sermon you had the other day.
[Bishop Nelson:] Hey, well I do my best.
[Toll Booth Willie:] Dollar twenty-five, Bishop.
[Bishop Nelson:] Dollar twenty-five,
Willie. Isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow job,
you piece of dog shit!?
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] Ohhh! Have another one, you fuckin' lush!
It's not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya fuckin' douche bag!

[Another car approaches]
[M5:] Hey!
[Toll Booth Willie:] Well hey!
[M5:] Yeah, do you want the money,
or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] Well, I already heard that one you fuckin' unoriginal bastard!
Go suck a corn you fuckin' piece of repeatin' shit!

[Another car approaches]
[F2:] Hi.
[Toll Booth Willie:] Oh, hi. How are ya?
[F2:] Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?
[Toll Booth Willie:] For you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-five.
[F2:] Here ya go.
[Pays toll]
[F2:] Thank you.
[Begins to drive off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] Hey! Hey! Honey! Would you like a receipt with that?
[F2:] Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you so much.
[Toll Booth Willie scribbling a receipt for her]
[Toll Booth Willie:] And here ya are.
[F2:] Umm, do you think you could sign it?
[Toll Booth Willie:] Oh, uh.. sign it?
[F2:] Yeah, sign Toll Booth Willie was here.
[Toll Booth Willie:] Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?
[Signing receipt]
[F2:] Just so I could have proof for my friends that
I met the biggest fuckin' dip shit with the smallest dick alive.
You understand.
[Drives off]
[Crumples up paper]
[Toll Booth Willie:] Fuck you, you fuckin' upity bitch!
I'll fuckin' fuck you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front
of your fuckin' mothers! You're gonna die, bitch! I'm comin' outta the booth!
[Opens the door and runs out of the booth]

[Car screeches and hits him]
[Toll Booth Willie:] Ooooh! My fuckin' leg!
[M6:] Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!
[M7:] Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a
dried up stinky dick licker.
[Toll Booth Willie:] Why you fuckin' pricks.
I fuckin' hear every fuckin' word yer saying!
When this fuckin' leg heals,
I'm gonna kick you guys new fuckin' assholes!

[Everyone cussing eachother out]

ADAM SANDLER The Beating Of A High School Spanish Teacher

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER The Beating Of A High School Spanish Teacher Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

And now the severe beating of a high school spanish teacher.

[Writing on chalk board]
Juan es muy guapo.
[Door opens, walking towards her]

Hay problema?
Mi casa es su casa.
[Beating sounds]
Ayuda! Ayudame!
[Beating sounds]
[Beating sounds]
[Beating sounds]
[Beating sounds]
[Beating sounds]
[Falls to the floor]

ADAM SANDLER Lunchlady Land

welcome to

ADAM SANDLER Lunchlady Land Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

This is a song...
This is uhh, This is a new song...
It's through the eyes of one of the greatest people alive, I feel...
The Lunchlady

Woke up in the morning
Put on my new plastic glove
Served some reheated salisbury steak
With a little slice of love
Got no clue what the chicken pot pie is made of
Just know everything's doing fine
Down here in Lunchlady Land

Well I wear this net on my head
'Cause my red hair is fallin' out
I wear these brown orthopedic shoes
'Cause I got a bad case of the gout
I know you want seconds on the corndogs
But there's no reason to shout
Everybody gets enough food
Down here in Lunchlady Land

Well yesterday's meatloaf is today's sloppy joes
And my breath reeks of tuna
And there's lots of black hairs coming out of my nose
In Lunchlady Land your dreams come true
Clouds made of carrots and peas
Mountains built of shepherds pie
And rivers made of macaroni and cheese
But don't forget to return your trays
And try to ignore my gum disease
No student can escape the magic of Lunchlady Land

Hoagies grinders, hoagies grinders
Hoagies grinders, hoagies grinders
Navy beans, navy beans, navy beans
Hoagies grinders, hoagies grinders
Navy beans, navy beans
Meatloaf sandwich
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe

Well I dreamt one morning
That I woke up to see
All the pepperoni pizza
Was a-looking at me
It screamed, why do you burn me
And serve me up cold
I said I got the spatula
Just do what you're told
Then the liver onions
Started joining the fight
And the chocolate pudding
Pushed me with all its might
And the chop suey slapped me
And it kicked me in the head
It's called revenge Lunchlady
Said the garlic bread
I said what did I do
To make you all so mad
They said you got flabby arms
And your breath is bad
Then the green beans said
You better run and hide
But then my friend sloppy joe came
And joined my side
He said if it wasn't for the Lunchlady
The kids wouldn't eatcha
You should be shakin' her hand
And sayin' please to meet ya
She gives you a purpose
And she gives you a goal
You should be kissin' her feet
And kissin' her mole
Now all the angry foods
Just leave me alone
And we all live together
In a happy home

Thanks to
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe

Well me sloppy joe got married
We got six kids and we're doing' just fine
Down in Lunchlady Land


welcome to

ADAM SANDLER I'm So Wasted Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

[Sound of crickets. Guy walks across grass]
[Joe:] Hey pal! How ya doin?
[M2:] I'm so wasted, man.
[Joe:] Yeah, you are, oh ho ho!
[M2:] Thanks man.
[Joe:] It's good party, huh?
[M2:] Oh, it's great man.
[Joe:] Hey that's some good acid, huh?
[M2:] Oh, killer man.
[Joe:] Hey, my pleasure.
[M2:] I've never been higher.
[Joe:] Oh ho, you must be freaking out.
[M2:] Acid's great man.
[Joe:] It's the best.
[M2:] Everytime I do acid man, I'm so high.
[Joe:] Yeah, oh, you must be flipping out right now.
[M2:] This is the best acid, man.
[Joe:] What are you seein, man?
[M2:] Oh, I, that cloud up there, man.
[Joe:] Whoa
[M2:] It's got a vein in it.
[Joe:] Oh-Holy Cow! Really!?
[M2:] And it's bleeding on me, man.
[Joe:] It's bleeding on ya? Well watch out!
[M2:] Look at my hand, man.
[Joe:] Yeah?
[M2:] It-It's moving, but it's not moving.
[Joe:] It's not?
[M2:] It's still there, but it looks like it's moving.
[Joe:] Hey, yeah to you it is.
[M2:] I'm so high.
[Joe:] Yeah, you must be flipping out.
[M2:] I'm flipping out off it.
[Joe:] Hallucinations, man.
[M2:] Acid..right.
[Joe:] Hey, I got some news fer ya.
[M2:] I'm seeing stuff, man.
[Joe:] Yeah, yer seeing stuff.
[M2:] RIght.
[Joe:] Well, that's what happens when you take acid, but you know what?
[M2:] What man?
[Joe:] Uhhh, that really wasn't acid.
That was just a little piece of paper I ripped off of my notebook.

[M2:] Wha? It's probly this weed I'm smokin', man.
[Joe:] Oh, that weed.
[M2:] That Thai bud, man.
[Joe:] Whoa.
[M2: Laughing] Everything's hilarious.
[Joe: Laughing] That's funny man. Look at that guy.
[M2: Laughing] That's funny man.
[Joe: Laughing] Look at that guy's hat man.
[M2: Laughing] Everything's funny to me, man.
[Joe:] Right. Hey, how man bones didya smoke? A few joints, man?
[M2:] I had about four.
[Joe:] Whoa, that's a lot of bones to be smokin', man.
[M2:] The whole thing's man.
[Joe:] Yeah, you sucked 'em down yerself.
[M2:] Ain't that hilarious!?
[Joe:] You didn't wanna share, didja?
[M2:] It was great stuff, man.
[Joe:] Aww, yeah, hey I got some news on that stuff too.
[M2:] Hey what man?
[Joe:] That's the stuff I sold you, right?
[M2:] Yeah, right.
[Joe:] Yeah
[M2:] It's funny, man.
[Joe:] Well, well, uh..
[M2:] I'm wasted off it, man.
[Joe:] Yeah, well that's good. You smoked it, right?
[M2:] Right.
[Joe:] Well that really wans't weed.
[Joe:] No it wasn't, it was pencil shavings in a bag.

[Joe:] Yeah.
[M2:] Well, it's probably this beer.
This beer I'm drinking, man. I must be drunk off it or something.
Ya know, I had about eighteen of them, man.
[Joe:] Whoa, oh really!?
[M2:] I'm just..wasted off 'em.
[Joe:] That's a lot of beer for a man to drink.
[M2:] Man, I gotta pea pretty soon, man.
[Joe:] You didn't dump 'em out in the woods, didja?
[M2:] I drank all of them.
[Joe:] Right, yeah. I saw you..that's good. Hey didja eat today?
[M2:] No, I'm on an empty stomach.
[Joe:] Whoa, you must be ..yea.. extra buzz for you.
[M2:] ..And that's why I'm so wasted off it man, it's like I'm seeing things, man.
[Joe:] Yeah, you can hardly stand, man.
[M2:] You should take my car keys, cuz I can't drive, man.
[Joe:] Right, right.
[M2:] I can barely walk.
[Joe:] Hey man, you better open those eyes up, they're half shut.
[M2:] There's two of you, man. I can't see anymore, man, I'm blind!
[Joe:] Right.. I got the beers, huh? I'm the man, right?
[M2:] Yeah, you are the man.
[Joe:] Say it. Say I'm the man.
[M2:] Yer da man!!
[Joe:] Okay, well that beer..
[M2:] Yeah?
[Joe:] There was no alcohol in that beer.
[Joe:] That was non-alcoholic.
So..uhh..again, I'm gonna have to bust you on this one.
You're lying.

[M2: Mumbling] I'll be right back.
[Joe:] Ok, buddy, you go sober up.
[Walking different directions, gun goes off]
[Joe:] Oh my God! He killed himself! He killed himself!
[Runs over]
[Joe:] Oh my God! You killed yerself, buddy.
[M2:] Yeah, I'm dead, man.
[Joe:] Oh my, oh yer dead.
[M2:] Yeah, I'm dead, man.
[Joe:] That is awefull.
[M2:] There's a big white light and everything, man.
[Joe:] Yeah! Well you showed us all, man.
[M2:] Oh man, I'm so peaceful here man.
[Joe:] Yeah, you see anything weird, or..
[M2:] My relatives, man, a big white light, and my grandfather's there and..
[Joe:] Ooooh, I remember him, he's a good guy.
[M2:] He's still wearing the same clothes, and..
[Joe:] Hey, say hello fer me, huh?
[M2:] Hey man, Joe says hi, man.
[Joe: Chuckling] Right.
[M2:] It's yeah..My uncle's here and...
[Joe:] Right..right.. Hey I got some news for ya. This is so funny.
[M2:] Yeah? What, man?
[Joe:] Yeah, yeah, before you go, up to heaven.
The gun, you killed yerself with, that's the one I sold you, right?
[M2:] Yeah.
[Joe:] Yeah, well that was a cap gun.
So, there's no way you could have killed yourself.
[Joe:] Yeah, that's right, ok.. I'm going back to the party. Ok, take care.
[Walks back]

[M2: Whimpering and crying] I'm moving to a different town man.

[Four weeks later]

[Pouring drink]
[M2:] Oh this beer is great, man.
This tequila is really strong, man.
It's got a worm, and everything in it, man.
[Buffoon:] Fuckin' shit!
[M2:] All being in the sun, you're even more wasted.
Fuckin' shit is right, man!
I am totally wasted now, man.
I should maybe get an umbrella or something and go in the shade.
[Buffoon:] I know a guy who can suck his own dick.
[M2:] Yeah, I know a guy who can do that too.
He's the drummer from Molly Hatchet and one night we had two cases of Southern Comfort, man.
We were so wasted off it.
I'm serious man.