ADAM SANDLER Best Friend

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Best Friend Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

When I'm at the bus stop and you drive by in your mom's car
You tell me the bus already left
Cause you're my best friend!
When I'm at the locker and my shirt's buttoned wrong
You tell me to fix it
Cause you're my best friend
Best friends tell you you got boogers on your nose
Best friends don't laugh when you wear your grandpa's clothes
You're my best friend!
When those guys ripped up my ticket for the Mariah Carey show
You told me it wasn't that great
Cause you're my best friend (You're my best friend!)
When those guys gave me the wrong directions to Mark Hagen's party
You told me it wasn't that great
Cause you're my best friend! (You're my best friend!)
Best friends tell you when you got Cheetos in your teeth
Best friends dont ring your doorbell then punch you in the chest
You're my best friend!
(Best friends!) Dont call you Pit Stains or Marphy
(Best friends!) Way back when you waved hello!
(Best friends!) Don't hold their nose and point at you
(Best friends!) Help you find your hat
Oh, you're not just a friend
You're my best friend
(Take it!)
When those mean girls stole my pants and tied me to the front gate of the school
You told the teacher I was out there
Why? Cause you're my best friend! (You're my best friend!)
When Mr. Koocher's dog ran at me and bit me in the stomach
You were playing football so you couldn't help but I know you would've
Cause you're my best friend (You're my best friend!)
(Best friends!) Don't kneel behind you while the other guys push you
(Best friends!) Don't step on your sandwiches!
(Best friends!) Help you out of the caf. garbage can
(Best friends!) Don't tell you that Tracy Garner wants to dance with you
Oh, you're not just a friend... you're my best friend!
Oh, you're not just a friend! You're my best... friend!
Call me back!

ADAM SANDLER The Boss And The Secretary

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER The Boss And The Secretary Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Louise?

Yes, sir?

I want ya in here right now!

I'll be right in.

Damn straight you'll be right in

What do you need, sir?

What do I need? You know what I need

Uh, no I don't, sir

I want you to come on over here, fish my cock out of these
trousers, and suck on it for a while!

Sir, I don't think I can do something like that!

Oh, you can and you will, bitch! Kneel down, now!

What if someone comes in?

You think I give a flying fuck about that shit? You get over
here and you start suckin it!

Well, alright...

Yeah! Yeah, that's it! Reach in there! Reach in there and get
yourself some candy

Okay...

Okay, a little lower, though...

Umm... alright...

Little... little lower...

Yeah?

No, to the left!

Left?

Damn, bitch, do I gotta do everything? Pull down my pants!

O.. Okay...

Now the tighty whities, pull that shit down too

Mmmm....

Watch out now, here it comes! Boing! Now what you think of that?

What do I think of what?

This! My ding-a-ling! Come on, play with the shit a little

Uh, okay...

Lower, baby! Gettin warmer...

Okay...

Let me pull the fatty rolls apart, spring that shit out for ya

Yeah, that would help

Whoop, there it is!

Haha... What the fuck is that?

Play with the shit

Okay...

That's right, jack it up and down

Well...

Up and down!

Well, it's hard to grab onto!

Keep tryin, you thick fingered bitch! Use your pinkies!

Oh, okay... I'll try that

Yeah, now we got it goin on...

Yeah?

Let me fuck those pinkies...

Okay...

Yeah...

Okay...

Keep pressure on the sides of it, baby, keep it sprung! Yeah!
Tell me how much you love it

Ooh, I love it

Tell me it makes you horny

Ooh, I'm gettin real horny

Tell me it's bigger than a Tic Tac

But it isn't!

I don't give a shit if it is or isn't! Say it is!

Alright! Your dick is bigger than a Tic Tac!

Damn right, Tic Tac, cashew, thumbtack, half a grape, it's
bigger than all that shit!

All that shit put together!

Now don't get crazy on me, bitch, let's keep this shit semi-real

Aw, I like a man who shaves down here!

I don't shave that shit, bitch! I'm still waitin on them weeds to
bust out and grow and what not!

What? You mean you haven't reached puberty?

I guess the only way to get you to shutup is to throw a dick in your mouth!

Okay...

Well, then suck on that shit!

Uh, okay... Mmmm... yeah, I'm suckin... suckin away here

That's a pimple, you dumb twat!

Ugg...

Move your mouth lower!

Mmmmm

Oh, oh yeah, now you're on it! You're on it!

I'm on it?

That's it!

Okay!

Oh, that feels nice!

Okay!

Oh, hell yeah!

Yeah, there you go!

Oh, oh, shit, fuck, ow!!

What's wrong?

It's caught between your teeth! Get it out! Get it out!

I'm sorry, sir!

Don't be flossin with that shit, you gap-toothed bitch! Be careful!

Look, maybe I should just lick it then, okay?

Do somethin!

Im gonna lick it! Cause I love to lick that thing, okay?

Yeah...

Yeah, baby...

Yeah!

Yeah, you like that, baby?

Oh, yeah!

Whoah, whoah, whoah!!! Somethin just spewed all over my face!

That was the pimple again!

Oh, uh uh...

Let me reiterate. Down. Lower. Bitch!

Okay, you fat fuck!

What's that?

I'm just playin with ya, haha...

Oh, you better be playin! Oh yeah, that's it, now you're on it!

I'm on it?

Oh, oh smoke that roast, bitch...

Okay...

Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, slow down, not so fast!

Oh, okay

I got shit I wanna do to you, woman!

Oh boy...

Time to pull your dress off... You're gonna get fucked!

I don't know, sir, I mean... is that... is that really possible?

Don't give me no lip, bitch! You want me to smack you in the
face with this shit?

Hahahahaha

Hahaha you laughin now? Get the fuckin dress off!

Well, alright, but you have to promise me you're gonna use a condom

You know I can't wear that shit!

I do, I'm just playin! Hahahaha

Condom! You've been watchin too many of those XXX movies,
seein that fake dick shit those actors have hangin off their real dicks

Those aint fake dicks, those are real big dicks!

Bitch, I suppose you think Star Wars is real, too! That they
really got space ships and Chewbaki and all that shit! Stupid,
colorful bitch! Hahahaha!

Alright, my panties are off... You gonna try to fuck me now, or what?

Try? I'm gonna fuck your eyes crossed, you apathetic bitch!
Wham, wham, wham! How you like me now, bitch, how you like me now?

Is it seriously in?

In? You gotta stop fuckin all them rhinos and blue whales! Not
only is it in, but the shit's about to blow! Ooooh! Mmmm...
Hope you're on the pill, bitch, cause I blew that wad all up in ya

I.. I got it, it's right on the end of this hair, here

Shit, yeah, clean yourself up, bitch. There's a beach towel in
my bathroom

I'll just use this Q-tip

Whatever, just do it and get the fuck back to work!

Okay, BB Dick!

What's that?

I'm just playin! Bye!

Shit, what a life I've got... It's good to be Mr. Peter Bodd... Damn good...

ADAM SANDLER Secret

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Secret Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

There's something I know
That no one else does
You want me to tell you what it is?
But if I did that then it wouldn't be, a secret

I've gotta move my body tonight, I'm gonna go dancin'
Dreamin' bout the nights at the club, with the fun and romancin'

Mommy sees the look in my eyes, she can tell something's different
Daddy doesn't understand why, but he can tell something's different

I've got a secret, my own little secret
No one knows my secret, cause it's a secret. Secret.

Shhh don't tell, Shhh don't tell
I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell
I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell

And nobody knows that my bush is cut low as I dance and I sing and I put on a show
And i'm feeling so free, nothing hanging off me while the bass gets stronger, I'm a half an inch longer

And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it
and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin
Fuckin and suckin, Fuckin and suckin!

Music if fillin my body from my head to my toes
The DJ gives me a smile, maybe he knows
I hear whisperin from my left to my right, all over the party
i'm the super-star of the night, I did something naughty

I gave myself a haircut, don't tell
I'd like to tell you where but, don't tell
I've got a secret, don't tell
It's my own secret

I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell
I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell

And I feel so special and so beautiful
As I reach down and give my new friend a quick pull
I'm scratchy and itchy and a little bit bitchy
and if I find scissors i'd trim my friend Ritchie

And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it
and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin
fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin!

I can wear my pants extra low tonight

My secret's gettin out of control, it's burstin out of me
Gotta drop my pants to the floor, so the whole club can see
The special way I trim my curlies, so fuzzy and soft
Cause when my shrub is short and tight my piggie won't get lost

I had a secret, don't tell
But now you know my secret, don't tell
I gave my bush some haircuts, don't tell
To emphasize my bare nuts

I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell
I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell

And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it
and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin
fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin!

ADAM SANDLER The Mayor Of Pussytown

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER The Mayor Of Pussytown Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Yo it's 2004 and all you candy asses thinkin ya'll real pussies
ya'll ain't seen shit yet
eh yo man let em know

Oh yeah, guess who's back
it's the mother fuckin pussy with the little nutsack
don't care about cheddar or the paper chase
i'm a fuckin grown man with zits on my face
a straight up chicken shit
a pansy ass punk
If i'm if i'm guarding your ass it's an automatic slam dunk
while thugs are at the party bustin all ya'lls asses
I'm hidin in the corner wonderin where the fuck's my glasses
Can't afford no rims my
my fuckin dick's so small no bitch can suck it
I don't pop 9's i got weak rhymes
back in 9 duce i got pissed on 10 times
I roll solo i ain't got no clue
i said please don't hit me more than a cow says moo
afraid of heights i'm a-scared in the dark
i walk an extra 3 miles to avoid crazy fucks in the park
denied by the bloods, turned down by the crypts
my fuckin auntie kicked my ass and she got 2 plastic hips
when i step to the club feel free to stare me down
because I just got re-elected the mayor of pussytown

May-or-of-pus-sy-town

When bangers hit the street i stay home and watch tv
slumped out on the couch so no one can see
unless I hear somebody knockin on my door
then you'll see me crawlin cross the mother fuckin floor
i've been a fuckin coward every day of my life,
that's why I pretend I don't know everyone's banging my wife
i won't sit on the porch, i don't want no trouble
i'm more afraid of goin out than the fuckin boy in a bubble
when the shit goes down i make a break so fast
look like a mother fuckin rocket goin past
searchin for the sneakiest place to hide
straight into the ladies room, ain't got no pride
slippin slidin, runnin hidin
you know damn well it's a scooter i'm ridin
oh no here we go, out come the glocks
i take off so fast i pop out my socks
you gonna fuck with me, i'll cry then run
i called the cops when i got shot with a fuckin squirt gun

He clams up he shuts down
His pants he almost shits
He'll even look the other way if you grab his grandma's tits

well I had a little poodle but neighbor's stoled her
i'd shoot her with an ak but the kick hurts my shoulder
i can't pop no gun and i can't fist fight
hell i'm afraid to take out the fuckin garbage at night
I use the steps in the pool cause i'm terrified to dive
don't fuck with my floaties they's whats keepin me alive, bitch
never drank remy never delt crack
one time I smoked weed i had a panic attack
if you're looking for my dick in the mens locker room
just bring your binoculars with a fuckin super zoom
naw i'm just playin i don't fuckin change in there
the one time I did got my bush sprayed off with nair
but did I stick up for myself no fuckin doubt
i did what i do best, i broke the fuck out
i ain't lookin at you i ain't tryin to front
it's aight with me you called my jimmy a cunt

freakin sneakin crawlin creepin
when the gangs are bangin i'm in the basement sleepin
i'm straight from the streets seen trouble in every side
when the shit hits the fan i throw on a fuckin disguise

fake nose fake wig fake beard
it all worked pretty good
sometimes I just use a map and a funny accent
and pretend I got lost in the hood mother fucker

now all you coward mother fuckers out there
walkin round with your head hangin low
just cause you ate one dick
just know
my man the mayor, had to suck off his whole high school
case closed

May-or-of-pus-sy-town

ADAM SANDLER Creepin' On The Mayor

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Creepin' On The Mayor Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Oh, shit, is that them crazy fucks from across town? They
didn't see me, did they? Fuck it, they headin this way! Damn!
Gotta be somewhere to hide around here! No bushes, no
trees, what the fuck!? I'll just hide my ass in this garbage can!
There we go, safe and sound... No motherfucker's gonna find
me here! Shit, I'll just wash my clothes later!

[Gangsters]
Where'd you run to, you candy ass motherfucker?
You can hide all you want, but when we find you we still gonna
fuck you up! See you tomorrow, bitch!
[gunshots]

No you won't, cause I'm gonna stay in my basement all day...
I sure fooled them stupid fucks, hehehe...

[Woman]
I'll be right there honey! Just let me throw these dirty diapers out!

[Man]
Okay, baby

[Woman]
Man, they stink! That baby couldn't stop shittin today!

[Man]
I know, baby

I don't care, baby shit don't mean nothin cause I'm safe and
sound! Shit, no one can fuck with me in this tin can! I'm a
motherfuckin untouchable! Yeah, yeah!

ADAM SANDLER Pibb Tries The Skateboarding

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Pibb Tries The Skateboarding Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Alright, Mr. Pibb, those kneepads on tight enough?

Snug as a bug in a rug playin Dig Dug, my friend!

Uh huh...

I'm all set to give this skitchboard a whirl!

Okay, we should really put a helmet
on you first...

Well... helmet has the word 'hell' in it, and I don't know about
you, sonny, but I ain't no sinner...

No, you're not...

When my time comes, I'm on my way to heaven, so I won't
be puttin one of those demon contraptions on my head!

Okay, Pibb... Just remember that the half pipe ain't the easiest
thing to do...

Never mind all that, boy! It's only half the pipe! Let's be concerned
when they got the whole thing here!

Right...

Now can we get to the skitchboardin?

Okay, okay... How bout we just get you on the board?

Can do!

Make sure you keep your knees bent...

Can do do!

Good job...

Now how bout a little pushky to get me started?

Okay, but go easy

Hell, this is simple as a pimple!

Yeah, yeah, you're doin pretty good there buddy!

It's quite similar to my youth when I'd sprinkle my brother's
marble collection all over the basement floor, glue a plank to
my feet, and skim around all the live long day!

Is that right?

Oh, how my father detested that sound!

I'm sure...

Ho, ho

Ha, yeah... you better take it down a notch there, Pibb... you're
startin to pick up a little too much speed...

Nonsense, check this out! Whoo, hoo!

You got some air there, Pibb, lookin like a natural!

It's all about the balance, and I'm darn good with that! Just
ask my banker! Hahaha

I'll get right on that...

Say, what's the record for loop-de-loos on one of these things?

Uh.....rotations?

Well, ain't you fancy?

Yeah, Tony Hawk did a 900 once, that's two and a half rotations...

Oh, I can stick that!

Don't try that, Pibb....

Here we go!!! Ahhhh!!!!!

(smack!)

Shit! Oh, shit! Are you alright, Mr. Pibb?

Is there a doctor in the house?!

ADAM SANDLER Gay Robot

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Gay Robot Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Pass the fuckin ball!

What an idiot!

Fuck it, I'm gonna go get another beer. You guys want one?

Alright...

Two Please!

Oh boy...

Hahahaha

[phone rings]

Hello?... Yeah, yeah, cool, we're all just hangin out... Alright
Bye-bye...

Who was that, some chicks?

Nah, it was my neighbor, his robot's comin over

What?

Yeah, he built a robot a while ago and the robot came out gay

Yo, we're out of Hunnyduffers so I grabbed a couple of Gooseheads...

Okay, that's cool...

Wait, so the robot's gay?

Gay Robot's comin over?

Yep...

Oh, dude, you gotta see this, he's insane with football stats

No way!

[doorbell rings]

It's open!

Hey guys... what's up?

Hey, good to see ya Gay Robot...

Gay Robot in the house!

Word up... what's the score, fuckers?

Giants are eatin shit in the third quarter, it's 24-8 Miami...

Don't worry, the Giants have phenominal fourth quarter numbers...

Really?

They'll come back and win by three

Alright!

I love it!

Fuck you guys!

Sorry, buddy...

Who's the new guy?

Oh, that's my friend John.

Hey John... sweet hat!

Uh... thanks... what's goin on?

You know... just chillin... can I suck your dick?

What?

No, no, no, no, he's okay, Gay Robot...

That was funny...

The Gay Robot gets a little horny cause he doesn't know any
gay guys around here...

Oh, I see...

Sorry!

hehehe...

Oh, I can't believe you dropped that! Do something, Henderson,
you fat fuck!

Hey! That was very offensive to me!

Why? You're not fat...

I thought you said fag!

No, i wouldn't say that, I said fat...

Oh, sorry!

hahaha

I guess if you fist fuck me, we'll be even!

No, I'm not gay, Gay Robot...

I thought you said you were?

No... You know I never said that...

I know, I was just rousing you! Good times! Good times guys!

Hahahaha

Hey, Gay Robot's havin a good time!

So how do you think the Eagles are gonna do this season, Gay Robot?

Let's find out! [whirring, beeping noises] Says here, due to injuries
and irratic weather patterns, the Eagles will finish a dismal 7-9

What? No way!

Deal with it

The Gay Robot knows his shit, man

Now will someone blow it on my face?

Nobody's gay here but you, Gay Robot, so let's just watch some
football, alright?

Look, I'm not here to bring the party down... It's just... I run
on semen... Without it, I could die... Help me to live fellas...
Jerk off in my mouth immediatly... Please, my circuits are
shorting... Starting to fade already... See a light... Going
towards it....

hahahahah

You're makin this up, Gay Robot!

My bad! You got me! Hahaha... good times!

Hahaahaha...

So does he eat food like us... human people?

Yeah, he can eat food...

Ya want some tortilla chips, Gay Robot?

Sounds great, John. Can I dip them in your ass?

Ooh...

I'm all set, thanks

Hehehe...

What the fuck?! The reception's all fuzzy!

Are you kidding me?

Don't panic... I can fix it

Oh hey! That's right! I love it, work your robot magic, fix that shit!

Okay, here's the problem!

My man! What is it?

Your cock's not in my asshole!

Aww.... Maybe you should go home and take a cold shower, Gay Robot...

Alright... I'll go... We'll just whack each other off and I'll bail

Not gonna happen

Please?

Goodbye

Fuck you

Later Gay Robot

[fly unzips]

Oh no! Look what happened! My robo-cock fell out of my pants!

Oh, shit, he's got a boner!!

Taste it!!!

[spraying sounds]

Oh, oh!!!

Fuckin asshole!!!

Come on, Gay Robot!!!

Aww, man!

Later fags!

[Door opens and closes]

[Distant voices]

Hey Gay Robot

Hey Mr. Chasen... Can I suck your dick?

ADAM SANDLER The Amazing Willy Wanker

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER The Amazing Willy Wanker Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

When I was just a little wee lad
I hopped on the lap of my dear old dad
Something jumped and poked me good
'That' he said 'just me morning wood'
A little tin soldier's marchin by
Sergeant major unzips his fly
Pulls his weapon from his camouflage pants
Slaps away til it starts to dance

A shootin star's above my bed
Changin colors of my mushroom head
A rainbow jizz flys across the room
Little white spermies meet their doom

(Ah!) The amazing Willy Wanker!
(Aaaah!) The amazing Willy Wanker!
And my scrotum sack he says
Lalalalalala, tickle me!

Little green men from outer space
Here to exterminate the human race
Drop their ray guns and retreat to their ships
When marshmallow sauce squirts from me tip
Like a knight of olden Camelot
The goo takes off like an arrow shot
Gwynevere drops to her knees and begs
For the spittin dragon between me legs

I'm using my thing for what it's for
Gentle knock upon me door
Mumsy drops her cup of tea
When she sees my wank standing tall and free

(Ah!) The one and only Willy Wanker!
(Aaaaah!) Here comes Willy Wanker!
And my marble sack he says
Lalalalalala, tickle me!

Rasberry scones and marmalade!
Squeezing my squid in the evening shine!
Visions of mermaids in the sky!
Shooting my load in me own left eye!

Gramps was a hero in the first World War
But he ain't got no dick no more
Comes home smokin from the corner pub
Makes poor old Gramsy kiss his nub
The world spins around like a big bass drum
Nanny pops a pinkie in the generals bum
The Irish dance and the Scotsmem howl
Time to clean up with the washroom towel

(Ah, yeah!) It's only Willy Wanker, yeah!
(Ah!) The lonely Willy Wanker!
And my wrinkled sack he says
Lalalalalala, tickle me!

ADAM SANDLER Pibb Goes Surfing

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Pibb Goes Surfing Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

You were cruisin along there, Mr. Pibb

It wasn't too painful a paddle out here to the big waves as you like to call em, Sonny!

Didn't look it

Actually, it was a nice wake-me-up for my laticerace muscles

Water's pretty nice, huh?

Boy, oh boy, the Hawaiin sea's like a warm cup of java!
Temperaturo perfecto as the Africans might say!

Yeah, yeah... So listen to me for a sec, when the set comes in, just stay flat on the board, pointed towards the beach. I'll tell you when to start paddelin, and keep paddelin til the wave grabs you

I hear ya! Let Mother Nature do her duty!

Right on...

Right now!

Yeah, right now...

Yeah!

Then when I say stand up, hop up quick like I showed ya and ride

Affirmative, captain!

But don't go too far right, there's a lot of nasty coral over there

Well here comes a triple overheader right now! Let me tear into that sucker!

I dunno, that's comin awfully steep, Pibb

No steeper than that tsunami I rode back in 1928 on my grandpappy's TV tray! Let's do this!

You're the boss, Pibb... Start paddelin, now!

Will do!

Paddle! Paddle! Paddle!

Paddle, paddle, fiddle faddle! I love it!

Okay, okay, you're in it, baby! Stand up! Stand up, Pibb!

I'm standin! I'm standin! Whoo hoo, I'm up!

Yeah, man! Way to go Pibb!

I'm speedin along here!

[different man] Hey, old man, you better pull out before you hit that reef!

Well, thanks, amigo, but I didn't come out here for no six second ride!

Bail out, Pibb!

Not until I get the tube! Aaaah!!!

[crashing and cracking noises]

[different man from before] Oh, nasty brudda!

Hang on, Pibb, I'll be right there! Oh my God, that was sick!
You okay, Mr. Pibb!?

Is there a doctor in the house? Oooooh!!!

[another wave hits, more cracking and crashing]

ADAM SANDLER Sid And Alex

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Sid And Alex Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[telephone rings]

I'll be up in a few! Hello?

Hey, Sid, it's Alex. Just callin to wish ya a happy birthday, man.

Alex, Alex, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you
for remembering, thank you.

My pleasure. Did you do anything fun today?

Nothing special. Amy made lasagna, we had cake, the kids
gave me a tie and some socks, terrific.

That's awesome, man. Hey, I got a gift comin your way too. I
Fedex'ed it so you should probly get it tomorrow.

[Gasp] Thank you, thank you, Alex, thank you. What is it?

It's pretty cool. You'll see tomorrow.

Aww, come on, give me a hint at least. Can I ride it? Can
I eat it?

Nope.

Can I fuck it?

Ahaha, no.

Can it fuck me?

No.

Is it hairy? Is it something I can shave?

No.

Can it blow me?

No....

Is it something I can blow?

No...

Can I fuck it?

You already asked me that...

If I take it apart, are there individual parts that I can fuck?

I don't think so...

Fair enough... If I sit on it for a while, will I cum?

Noooo....

Is it something Amy can strap on and fuck me with?

Sid! No!

If I get jizz all over it, will it be ruined?

I think...

Does it sweat?

Noo...

Is it something that can be used like... a pussy?

That's just another way of asking if you can fuck it...

My bad... Does it get big if you touch it?

No...

Does it get hard if you touch it?

Nooo...

If my Amy catches me blowing it, will she be mad?

Look, you can't blow it, man, we already talked about that...

Right, okay... let's say I'm stranded on a desert island with
just this item... am I getting a rim job?

NO!

Can I fuck it?

NO, it's a toaster, man, just a toaster!

Oh! So I can fuck it? In fact, two people can fuck it at the
same time! Alex, ya wanna come over and fuck my toaster
this weekend?

Don't mind if i doo doo....

Hahaha, oh, Alex

Hahaha, oh, Sid...

ADAM SANDLER The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Holy shit, this boat is sweet uncle donnie.
It must be fast and shit.
This fucking boat's got more balls then the fuckin celtic's lockeroom.
Yeah but it musta cost you like 50 Gs or something.
One might think that but guess what? It didn't cost me jack shit.
What do you mean?
I stole it out of a winter storage parking lot.
No fucking way! You shitten me?
Yeah, paintjob, change of the license and bingo here we are sunny times.
Oh yeah, the sun is extra fucking hot, I had to stop drinking or I was gonna pass out.
I didn't eat all day, I'm extra fucking buzzed.

ADAM SANDLER Welcome My Son

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Welcome My Son Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Welcome my son to your very first day
So proud to be the one who brought you this way
I love you with all my heart
And my love is here to stay
But I can't help worrying will you eventually smoke weed?

Soon enough you'll be walking
You and me hand in hand
The silly words you'll be talkin'
Only daddy can understand
We'll go out making snowmen
Building castles in the sand
And all the time I'm thinking, will this kid end up smoking' weed?

But time keeps on going
And you keep on growin'
You're now six years old
You're getting so good at your spellin'
But my mind is always dwellin'
On the fact that you could be the kind of guy
Who grows up and needs to smoke weed on the couch
All the time
All the time

So answer me this while you're lying in your little bed
Why must you insist on bein' such a fuckin' pothead?
There's other things in life
That can make you feel good
But you just keep on smoking' your herb
You can't get enough of your precious, precious reefer
Where you getting all this money
To buy so much Hawaiian dope?

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 5

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 5 Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Sean pulling up in his car to a hooker]

[GIRL #5:] Hey, honey.
[SEAN:] S'up baby? Looking all smooth, standing on the corner at 3 in the morning and shit. You cold, baby? You want to use me as a blanket?

[GIRL #5:] I'm just doing my thing.

[SEAN:] Well, does doing your thing mean your tricky? 'Cause I'd like to invest some of my hard earned money towards loving you, if you know what I getting at.

[GIRL #5:] Well, how much you got, big man?

[SEAN:] Well, I'm willing to drop 50 dollars on your ass, but there's a condition going on.

[GIRL #5:] What's that?

[SEAN:] You're going to have to put those lucious lips of yours on... my... slub-a-dub.

[GIRL #5:] Ooh, I can do that.

[SEAN:] You can?

[GIRL #5:] Mm-hmm.

[SEAN:] You mean, you ain't going make fun of the fact that I called my gizza-gazza a slub-a-dub ?

[GIRL #5:] Honey you can call your thing what ever you want to as long as you got 50 bucks.

[SEAN:] Oh sna... well, alright then here's the 50 dollars, [unzips pants] and here's my flip stick, now start wetting that thing up.

[GIRL #5:] [Opens his door] Sir, you are under arrest.

[police car pulls up]

[SEAN:] You got to be fucking with mind here.

[GIRL #5:] No, I'm not.

[COP:] Good job, Denise. We'll take him from here.

[Cop hand cuffs Sean]

[SEAN:] WHAT?!?! You going to arrest my ass for trying to get a ride on my slip 'n' slide? Fuck that shit.

[GIRL #5:] Hey honey, when you get to jail, you're going to be on the other end of a slip 'n' slide, and I hope you enjoy yourself.

[SEAN:] WWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT?!?!?!

[cop throws Sean in back of police car]

[COP:] Just get in the back, asshole.

[GIRL #5:] [from outside] You sick fuck.

[SEAN:] Damn!! [crying] This is a bunch of bullshit!!!

[PEEPER:] Piss on me. [also in the back of the police car]

[SEAN:] WHAT?!

[PEEPER:] Please, piss me.

[SEAN:] NO!!!

[PEEPER:] Just a tinkle.

[SEAN:] Fuck that, keep him away from me.

[PEEPER:] Urine.

[SEAN:] Keep this man away from me.

ADAM SANDLER Inner Voice

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Inner Voice Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

I'm happily married with a house and three mistresses
Even with the beard I'm not as hairy as my sister is
Got a new Hummer, two Ferraris, and some Lexuses
And all the girls I know got the big big breasteses
I got a ten story mansion on the beach
With a swimmin' pool filled up with the drool of Robin Leach
Richer than a Twinkie, I got so much cash
That to me Paris Hilton is poor white trash
I take forty-seven weeks of vacation a year
If people piss me off I can make 'em disappear
Every time I sneeze I get a feature on the news
The reporter says gesundheit and hilarity ensues
And how did I get to be the man that I am?
A god among men, only without the tan
It's simple, every time I have to make a choice
I just listen to my little inner voice, and he says
Shave all the hair off your butt and glue it to your nostrils
OK
Steal all the milk from all the supermarkets and put it
back in the cows
Alright
Find out which species of rodent is the most flammable
OK
Let's see what fun crafts we can make using only a chainsaw
and Regis Philbin
Yeah!

So how do I explain my little cranial expressions
Intuition, premonition, or demonic possession?
It could be God, an angel, or my dead uncle Paul
Or that nasty purple fuzzy thing that lives in my wall
Doesn't matter, and to be honest I don't wanna know
'Cause thanks to him I've never had to deal with an HMO
And I can go show off my rocket powered solid gold Benz
I tell ya life is no much nicer with invisible friends
Record an all-banjo Falco tribute album
Done, and done.
Put on a tutu, glue two live wiener dogs to your face, and
prance around the subway terminal screaming 'Stop looking at me!'
OK
There's no reason not to have sex with a cheese grater.
Hmm, no, I suppose not.
Set up a stand outside of K-Mart with a plate full of frozen peas
and a sign reading 'Take one!' If anyone asks you what the hell
your doing, give them a button that says 'I asked about the peas!'

He's become my best friend, sticks with me to the end
Thanks to him I'll never live on Ramen noodles again
And he's always by my side, every minute, every hour
Though it does get kinda creepy when I'm trying to take a shower
Still I can't complain 'cause he made me rich
And figured out it was the opossum milk that made me itch
If it seems weird remember the voice made me do it
I don't question what he says I just get up and get to it
Itemize everything in your cat's litter box for the next seven years
and mail a report to the President with a note saying 'Here!'
Good idea
It's time to find out what urinal cakes taste like
If you say so
Get a black and white horizontally striped suit, a mask,
and a bowling ball with a small length of rope hanging from it,
and tiptoe around the airport.
Sounds like fun
How old does a baby need to be before it's too big
to fit down the toilet?
I don't know. Let's find out.
Keep swallowing magnets until your farts can erase video tapes.
Will do

So to that guy in my head I just wanna say thanks
For removin' my angst, so I'm no longer shootin' blanks
And now I own several banks, plus an inflatable watch
And paid Justin Timberlake to let me kick him in the crotch
I followed his advice and now I'm makin' major duckets
If it wasn't for him I'd still be processing McNuggets
So when life makes you feel like you should've stayed in bed
Just listen to the voice in your head, and he'll say
Fat people are full of toys. Go get some!
Yeah!
Build a 20 foot tall nude statue of Tony Goldmark licking
warm margarine off a malnourished dolphin out of onions,
pez, and lint.
With pleasure!
If Yanni didn't want to be set on fire and shoved down
a flight of stairs, surely he would have said so explicitly by now.
Yeah, I guess so.
Go to a McDonald's Playland, tie that big Officier Big Mac
thing to the back of your car, and drive away at 90 mph. When a
cop pulls you over, roll down the window and indignantly ask 'WHAT?'
You got it!
Move to New Jersey and become a comedy rap artist.
Oh... do I have to?

ADAM SANDLER The Chanukah Song, Part II

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER The Chanukah Song, Part II Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Put on your yarmulka
Its time for Chanukah
So much funnaka
To celebrate Chanukah

Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We get eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here's a new list of people who are Jewish
Just like you and me

Winona Ryder,
Drinks Manischewitz wine
Then spins a draydle with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein

Guess who gives and receives
Loads of Chanukah toys
The girls from Veruca Salt and all three Beastie Boys

Lenny Kravitz is half Jewish,
Courtney Love is half too
Put them together
What a funky bad ass Jew

We got Harvey Keitel
And flash dancer Jennifer Beals
Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish
And yes her boobs are real

Put on your yarmulka
Its time for Chanukah
2 time Ocsar winning Dustin Hoffmanaka
celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson
Still not a Jew
But guess who is,
The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo

Bob Dylan was born a Jew
Then he wasn't
but now he's back,
Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish
'Cause we're pretty good in the sack.

Guess who got bar-mitzvahed
On the PGA tour
No I'm not talking about Tiger Woods
I'm talkin' about Mr. Happy Gilmore.

So many Jews are in the show biz
Bruce Springsteen isn't Jewish
But my mother thinks he is.

Tell the world-amanaka
It's time to celebrate Chanukah
It's not pronounced Ch-nakah
The C is silent in Chanukah
So read your hooked on phonica
Get drunk in Tijuanaka
If you really really wannaka
Have a happy happy happy happy Chanukah!

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 4

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 4 Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Sean on the phone with a call-girl.]

[SEAN:] What's your name, baby?

[GIRL #4:] Desiree.

[SEAN:] Ohh, what a nice name for a nice girl, such as your self.

[GIRL #4:] What's your name?

[Sean presses 'play' button on tape player]

[SEAN:] My name's Sean, I want to get it on.

[GIRL #4:] Ooh.

[SEAN:] You know what I'm talking about, honey, I want to drop some serious loving on you, mama.

[GIRL #4:] Oh Sean, you sound so strong, like you really know what you want.

[SEAN:] Yeah baby, I'm strong as a bear, I want to wrap my big arm around you...

[GIRL #4:] Oh my.

[SEAN:] You want to be spinning around for some more lovin' I got for you?

[GIRL #4:] That's sounds nice, sean.

[SEAN:] You know what else sounds nice, the sound of your clothes slidding off and hitting the floor. that's music to my ears.

[GIRL #4:] I'm already naked, how about you?

[SEAN:] Well, I'm half way there, baby, just let me slip out of these silky boxer shorts of mine.

[GIRL #4:] You must look good you stud, are you hard?

[SEAN:] Baby, my tally-whacker's all revved up and ready to go.

[GIRL #4:] ... Tally-whacker ?

[SEAN:] No, no, no... I said the sweet-meat.

[GIRL #4:] Oh my god.

[SEAN:] What?

[GIRL #4: {To other call girl}] I just heard some fucking idiot call it a tally-whacker.

[Sean groans]

[CALL GIRL #2: {To Girl #4}] Your kidding?

[GIRL #4: {To other call girl}] And his sweet-meat.

[CALL GIRL #2: {To Girl #4}] That's so gross.

[she hangs up]

[SEAN:] No. She did not just fucking hang up on me for 4 dollars a fucking minute.

[hangs up]

what the fuck is happening

[weeping]

... I'm horny, goddamn it. Oh, shit. Fucking, this is so un-chill.

ADAM SANDLER The Champion

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER The Champion Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Donald:] Welcome back on this glorious sunday afternoon for the final round of the Enbuary classic. The legendary Champion is now approaching the 18�th tee off with an insomauntible 8th stroke lead.

[The Champion:] Well let�s wrap this thing up

[Donald:] The gallery lets the champion know what a fine three days of golf he has had. The always charming Champion is now taking time to high five a young spectator and the boy, the boy is awestruck. Haha, the gallery erupts into delight

[Random person in the gallery:] Go get them champ!

[Donald:] Yes Yes. I think it would be hard to find in any sport a champion who is as beloved as this one. And the encouraging gallery goes silent. Eight strokes ahead of the pack, the Champion slowly starts his back swing.

[Honking car horn]

[Champion:] Four! (Hit the golf ball.)

[Donald:] Oh no no! Apparently the honking horn had some sort of concentration effect on the champion�s usual monstrous drive.

[Champion:] Is that Greag normen�s kid or something?

[Gallery begins to laugh.]

[Donald:] The Champion shakes it off and makes some sort of humorous remark about the horn to the gallery and they eat it up.

[Champion:] Let�s get the ball back on the field.

[Donald:] Yes Yes, well now the Champion, his Caddy, and the elendent gallery make their way to the Champion�s ball, which is unfortunately larged next to a very thick tree route. The champion and his caddy talk it over. He s going to play it safe and punch out with a 7 iron with a 8 stroke lead this is simply smart play by the legendary Champion. He approaches the ball.. let�s watch.

[Champion:] Take a swing at the ball hitting the tree route in the process

[Donald:] Oh,well I.. I don�t think that�s what the Champion had in mind when he took that swing. The ball is now 10 yards.. um into the woods after ricoshaying off the tree route, and ther�s a look of pain on the Champion�s face. He is shaking his hands as if to say I did not have a strong enough grip on the club when I hit the tree route, and my hands are stinging quite badly.

[Champion: (Start Grunting)]

[Donald:] The Champion is starting to mutter some obscenities about the car horn, which if you just joined us blew earlier during the champion�s back swing at the 18�th tee off. Well now his caddy and friend of 25 years, Mr. Skipijankings, is doing every thing he can to get the champion�s mind back on track.

[Skipijankings: (Say line during: is doing every thing he can...)] Forget about the car horn, let�s just win this thing!

[Champion:] Hahah, you�re right.

[Donald:] What wonderful veteran words of wisdom. The Champion nods in agreement, and heads into the woods to set up for his third shot which he will have to play out of a dreadfully muddy lie. He�s sticking with his 7 iron closes the club face a little. He starts his swing.

[Champion:] (Swing at ball)

[Donald:] And the ball did not move, um if anything it�s a little deeper in the mud.

[Champion:] What is this fucking quick sand?!

[Donald:] The Champion is now conferring with coarse marshal, David Canner.

[Champion:] What do I do next?

[David:] Gonna have to drop one.

[Donald:] And yes i.. it has been ruled that his ball is unplayible, he will take a drop and a one stroke penally.

[Champion: (Start laughing a bit too hard as if you where drunk)]

[Donald:] and the Champion is now laughing very hard, uh one might say a little too hard, but none of the less, he drops his new Areo Fly Ball and resumes play.

[Gallery: (Start to clap)]

[Donald:] Back with his trusty 3 wood, the Champion lines up his shot. He starts his back swing.

[Champion: (Fart)]

[Donald:] He flatuates. Stops his swing, and steps away from his ball, and whispers something too his caddy, Mr. Skipijankings.

[Skipijankings:] Wha? What do you mean you got to take a Shit?

[Champion:] I�ve got to shit.

[Skipijankings:] Finish the fucking hole, we�ve got to win this mother fucker!

[Random man in gallery:] Jesus Christ man!

[Donald:] Well now the Champion is staring angrily at his caddy. He continues to star for quite some time, and then abruptly walks back to his ball not taking much time set up at all he swings,

[Champion: (Swing at the ball.)]

Connects, a Smash of a hit!

[Gallery:] (applaud)

[Donald:] Starting to slice, oh no it goes directly into the center of a man-made water hazard!

[Champion:] You�ve got to be fucking kidding me!

[Donald:] The Champion slowly walks over to his golf bag, unzips it, and pulls out, hmm what I believe is a 16 oz silver beverage container and starts drinking in large gulps. Why don�t we take this time for a word from our sponcers, and then we will return to our final round coverage of the Enbuary Classic. (Whispers: Well I have no idea what he was thinking)

[ANNOUNCER GUY:] What do 17 major championships, over 6 million dollars in prize money, and the complete domination of the sport of golf have in common? Two things: The Champion, and Areo Fly Balls. Areo Fly Balls, they just seem to go further. If it�s good enough for the Champion, don�t you think it�s good enough for you.

[Donald:] Well welcome back to our final round coverage of the Enbuary Classic.

[Random Man: (Say this during the beginning)] PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!

[Champion:] I�ll tell you one thing. no one�s fucking up me in my hole.

[Donald:] As we join the action,

[Champion:] Because thay are fucking ugly

[Donald:] We can see his caddy and long time friend, Mr. Skipijankings, trying to cox the Champion out of the sand trap where he is presently on his back making a snow angle.

[Skipijankings:] Get up! GET THE FUCK UP. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!

[Champion:] All right (get out of hole)

[Donald:] Well the Champion is now ceasing his softmories behavior and is climbing out of the trap onto the green.

[Champion:] Yee-Haw! (Charge at Skipijankings and Tackle him)

[Donald:] The Champion has just tackled long time friend, Mr. Skipijankings, I�ve never scene any thing like this.

[Skipijankings:] That�s it! I�m getting the Fuck out of here! You�re fucked up dude, you need some help!

[Champion:] Ya I need help fucking your wife!

[Skipijankings:] Fuck you! (Kick the Champion very hard!) Don�t you EVER TALK about my wife! I�ll FUKING KILL YOU MAN!

[Donald:] Hear Hear! Generally Tempered, long time friend Mr. Skipijankings now storming off the forced hole, not with out hearing some expletive words hurled at him by the classless lord of the lace. Tears streaming down his face, the Champion is now alone on the green left with mainly a 12 foot put. (Police sirens are going off) Who would of thought that a horn honk could bring about such disaster and disarray in one ma�s life. The Champion, now lining up his put, using the flag stick as his putter for some odd reason. He takes a few steps towards the hole, unbuckles his belt, The CHAMPION is defecating in the cup, and the gallery has scene enough! Not a moment too soon the police have arrived, and are advancing towards the champion slowly. In a last desperate act, the Champion holds the flag stick as if it were a large lance from medieval times, and runs full kilt in rage in his eyes towards the Officers.

[Officers (Begin firing guns)]

[Donald:] They Open fire. The champion has been shot. He is down on the green, he�s not moving, walking inching their way towards the champion, the officer checks the champion�s pulse, and signals to the other police that the Champion is sure enough dead. If you are just joining us Sunday May 7�th at 2:42 P.M. perhaps the greatest golfer of our time is diseased at age 39. My God have mercy on his sole. This has been Donald Hefington saying good day, and good golf.

ADAM SANDLER She Comes Home To Me

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER She Comes Home To Me Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Though I have been a fool for love
I have finally made my score
I got a girl, and I don't mean to boast
But she loves me the most
Even though she's a highly paid whore
She'll give head to a sheep
She can stuff three cocks in her cheek
But she comes home to me
She'll do the groom and the best man
She'll slap your ass in the back of a van
But she comes home to me
She could fuck nine guys in a row
But still have a tenth for me
And I'm the only one who gets to kiss them lips
Unless you pay an extra fifty
So mister, don't you fall in love
Cause I'm the only cat who doesn't wear a glove
Since her heart belongs to me
She has a throat that just won't quit
She can take all of it
And still have room for your balls
but she shops in the malls for me
She'll say twelve then call back and say one
But I don't care I know it's just work not fun
When she blows you, Jack
Don't you think she's not thinking of me
She'll go down on a yack, lick a horse's nutsack
But strictly for the cash
And it's only me who doesn't pay a fee
to watch her put a water bottle in her gash
(Put a water bottle in her gash)
She'll let you suck her nips till they're leakin'
But don't you dare try to go antique-ing
Cause she does that with me
Her pussy's sweet as honey
But when she moans, it's just for the money
Unless she's sittin' on me
She'll cram your asshole with a mouse
But she won't do it in our house
Tough luck, Jack
She knows that don't fly with me
She might eat your wife's box
But she won't tell ya where you left your socks
She rolled up and down your fat prick
But it was me who took her to the Meg Ryan flick
She's got a face full of nuts
And a mouth full of cocks
She's done Seal, Larry King, four New Kids on the Block,
She blew the Winnepeg Jets right after a game
But they never got to know her actual name
On your face she will piss
On your chest she might poop
But she won't prepare her famous vegetable soup
That's simply reserved..
Oh she'll bite ya, she'll spank ya
But she'll never thank you for free
Cause baby... comes home to me.
Comin' home!!

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 3

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 3 Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Sean pouring champagne]

[SEAN:] Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Baby I have to tell you, you looking unbelievably delicious laying there.

[GIRL #3:] Oh Sean, you're so sweet.

[SEAN:] Not as sweet as your silky thighs mama, I think I want to taste'em.

[He presses the 'play' button on his tape player]

[SEAN:] I going to start with your scrumptious toes as an appetizers, then I'm going to move up your body with my tongue, 'til I reach those lucious icecream sundaes.

[GIRL #3:] Mm, sounds nice. What else?

[SEAN:] Well, then I'm going to work my way back down, 'cause it's time for the main course. I'm like a bee heading down to your honey pot. But I won't be flying away soon, no I won't.

[she laughs sensually]

[SEAN:] Ooh, zippity, dippity.

[she takes a sip on the champagne]

[she laughs sensually]

[GIRL #3:] Tell me, what do you want me to do to you?

[SEAN:] Yeah, baby, I got a lot on my menu, but if I could recommend something, it would have to be tonight's special: My pud.

[GIRL #3:] What did you just say?

[SEAN:] I said you going to like tonight's special...

[GIRL #3:] And that's your pud?

[SEAN:] Yeah.

[GIRL #3:] You got to leave.

[SEAN:] Mm-hmm. A'ight. Just let me find my pants and I...

[looks for pants, finds them, struggles to put them on]

[SEAN:] I'm leaving.

[zips up pants, stops tape player, pulls out tape]

[SEAN:] Could you at least tell me the best way home?

ADAM SANDLER Dee Wee (My Friend The Massive Idiot)

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Dee Wee (My Friend The Massive Idiot) Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

He said he'd be here at seven
The clock just hit 7:22
It's too cold outside
To wait for my ride
Watching mama try out a new doo (Bruins)

He said he'd be here at seven
But it just hit 7:35 (already?)
Here in Brockton, Mass.,
I got my thumb in my ass
Mama's combing up a big beehive (Celtics)

Where the fuck is he?
Where the fuck is he?

The bitch doesn't even bother calling
Even though it's 7:44 (I fell asleep, pally)
I'm feeling kinda antsy
Mama's getting fancy
Slicking back a wet pompadour (Red Sox)

He said he'd be here at seven
It's closing in on 8:01 (Trimmin' the �'stache, kid)
Me lookin' like a sap
In a wool knit cap
Mama's next move is a bun (fuckin' Patriots)

Where the fuck is he? (My pants are still in the dryer, dude)
Where the fuck is he? (I couldn't find my fuckin' snowboots, pal)
I wish I had a car (Huge, huge hangover)
Oh, no (Massive hailstorm, massive hailstorm, massive)

That stupid little punk
He's probably fuckin' drunk
I bet he drank a case
Wanna pop him in the face right now
Mama's eyebrow

Wicked good
Wicked good (Oh, GOD)
Wicked good
Wicked good (Fuck yeah)
Wicked good
Wicked good (Pisser?)

Well my friend is still a no-show
And I'm getting' fucking pissed (Why?)
'Cause I could've gone with Charlie
In the side of his Harley
Mama's on the phone with a stylist (Fuck Charlie!)

So I guess I ain't going out tonight
'Cause the digits say 12:09 (Shit-faced)
But call the operator
'Cause one perm later
Mama's hair sure do look fine (Heffenreffer!!!)

Where the fuck

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 2

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 2 Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[The Sounds of waves crashing]

[SEAN:] This is quite the chill night. kicking back on the beach with a fine girl such as yourself.

[GIRL #2:] Yeah, the waves are so calming.

[SEAN:] So, is your body looking like michaelangelo made you or some shit.

[GIRL #2:] Thanks Sean, that's so sweet.

[Sean presses 'play' button on tape player]

[SEAN:] Let's see what's going on under this velvet top of yours.

[GIRL #2:] Uh-oh.

[SEAN:] Oh calming, your coming off strong with some beautiful waves of your own there, baby.

[GIRL #2:] Oh Sean, you're so cute.

[SEAN:] Why don't we leave the summer skirt on, but let's take those fine panties passed those long, strong legs of yours, hmm?

[GIRL #2:] Oh my god.

[SEAN:] Yeah.

[GIRL #2:] And how about you take off clothes, Sean.

[SEAN:] Oh, oh is that right, baby? You want me to show my stuff, too?

[GIRL #2:] My god, you look good, Sean.

[SEAN:] Yeah, yeah baby I keep in shape, you know.

[GIRL #2:] Ooh.

[she starts to unbuckle his pants]

[SEAN:] Yeah, unbuckle my pants, move hands on my wet weiner and let's get it swingin'.

[GIRL #2:] What's that?

[SEAN:] Let's get it swingin'.

[GIRL #2:] No, the other thing you said?

[SEAN:] ...The wet-weiner?

[GIRL #2:] [gasps] You know what?

[SEAN:] Yeah?

[GIRL #2:] I'm going to go throw up, now. See you.

[SEAN:] Hmm, leave me all horny here. How... how you going to get home there, baby?

[GIRL #2:] I'll walk. [She begins to walk away]

[SEAN:] Mm-hm. I'm-a call you.

[GIRL #2:] Don't. [She's gone]

[SEAN:] A'ight, A'ight. I'm go in for a swim anyways, you know that baby. [to self:] Going to get this swing-ding wet somehow. Salted off the rubarbs, ain't that a bitch?

[THE END]

ADAM SANDLER The Peeper

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER The Peeper Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[singers:] The Peeper, The Peeper, whats goin' through his head? woah!

[Leaves rusteling]

[Peeper:] Climin' the tree. slowly. quietly. lookin' for next branch. found it. got it. windo high. great view. settelin' in. keepin' it quiet. hidden. heart pounding through chest. waiting. lookin' around. nervous. lights on, jackpot, here she is. oh my. no pants. classey. not to tight. walkin around the room. no idea Im here. lovin' it. Rubbin her feet. tough day. relaxin'. hops off bed, goin twards bathroom. shuttin' the door. alone again... waiting. lookin' around. board. pullin' out nippel clips. Painful! ow... but these are a bit.

[door opening]

Bathroom door opens. lovin' it. oooh my.... hairs in a pony tale. she picks up the tv clicker. click

[tv makes noises]

sittin' back. watchin. watchin' her watch. lovin it.

[giggling]

she laughs. ha ha ha. I laugh. oh yea. sharin a moment.

[dog panting]

theres a dog. not good.

[sniffing]

he can smell me. should've shoured.

[barking]

barkin. wont leave. oh no, here she comes. stayin motionless. fuckin' dogs loosin it.

[window open]

[girl:] Bud! you be quiet and go home like a good boy.

[dog stops barking and walks off]

[Peeper:] dosnt see me. she's gorgous. Im grotesque.

[knock]

[Peeper:] knock at front door! she goes to answer!

[door opens]

[Peeper:] Its him.... chizzeled features.. they kiss. Im fuming. also hard. hatin' myself. sniffin fingers.

[woman:] ohhh...

[Peeper:] she moans! ohhhh! I moan. He looks up. busted. should not have moaned...

[footsteps]

[Peeper:] he walks toword windo. muscular

[man:] this guy. gotta be fuckin kiddin me

[Peeper:] full of rage. looking right at me.

[man:] theres a guy in the tree out here.

[Peeper:] full of shame.

[woman:] are you serious?

[Peeper:] completely worthless. hard as a rock.

[man:] I see you shit head! well the cops are comin you sick fuck! and if you even think of runnin away Ill bash your fuckin' skull with a lead pipe!

[Peeper:] stayin still. motionless. pretending to be a squirrel.

[squirrel noises]

[dialing]

[Peeper:] not working. shes calling. dreams shattered

[talking]

[Peeper:] ultimate humiliation.

[squirt]

[Peeper:] ejaculating.

[man:] AWWW!!! YOU GROSS PIG! YOUR A PIECE OF SHIT YA KNOW THAT!

[Peeper:] yes I do... cant help myself.

[car pulling up and door opening]

[cop:] L.A.P.D. get down from the tree buddy.

[squirrel noises]

[Peeper:] trying the squirrel thing again. looking for a nut.

[cop:] I said get down from there!

[Peeper:] down I go...

[Slam, slam, slam, slam]

[Peeper:] Oh!

[woman:] I hope they put you im for a long time! you need some serious help you ass hole!

[Peeper walking away:] I know I do... Its an addiction

[cop:] lets go big guy, c'mon

[Peeper:] wifes going to kill me.

[cop:] dont be doing this shit mr... nippel clips.

[Peeper slamming into cp car seat]

[Peeper:] handcuffed... cant sniff fingers...

[door slams and engine warms up]

[Peeper:] please piss on me...

[cop:] yea, this is officer Tyler, everythings under controle.

[Peeper:] PLEASE piss on me? If somebody could piss on me, that would be great.

[singers:] The peeper, belly eaper, hes goin off to jail! WOAH!

ADAM SANDLER 7 Foot Man

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER 7 Foot Man Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

We just wrote this song on the bus the other day so just sit back and relax

I'm the 7 foot man,
I've commited no crime,
Bumping my head into doorways,
It happens all the time,
I'm 7 feet tall,
And I repeat,
They dont make a ski boot that can fit my feet,
I'm 7 feet tall,
And I dont play basketball,

I'm 7 feet tall,
But I'm still just a man,
So of course it hurts me a lot,
When I walk into the ceiling fan,
Small people say I wish I was him,
But its been nine years since I've had a trim,
The barber says,
I cant reach the top of his head,

7 foot man,
(ha ha)I cannot hide,
7 foot man,
I know cause I've tried,
7 foot man,
My last girlfriend died,
Because my penis,
Is 7 foot wide!!!!!!!!!

So the next time you see me,
Walking around,
And my head is right about to hit a tree branch,
Tell me to duck down,
And I'll pay you back ,
Soon you will see,
By getting you frisbee down from that tree,
I do what i can,
I'm the 7 foot man,

7 foot man,
7 foot man

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 1

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 1 Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[SEAN:] Ooh baby, you looking good.

[GIRL:] Thanks sean.

[SEAN:] you got it going on strong, baby. Skin so soft and hair so right.

[GIRL:] I think you're nice too, sean.

[SEAN:] Let me take off this shirt of yours and see that beauty mama has given you. [taking off her clothes]- Ohh, so fine so right.

[GIRL:] Oh sean, you're so silly.

[SEAN:] What's going on with these little silk panties, baby? Slowly, slide them to the ground. [taking down her panties] (Gasps) yeah, baby yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

[GIRL:] It's my turn sean. Let me take down your pants. [begins to unzip his pants]

[SEAN:] Is that what you want to do baby? Why don't you put those soft sweet hands on my Jimmi-jamma.

[GIRL:] ...On your what?

[SEAN:] On my-- on my manhood,... baby.

[GIRL:] No wait a minute did you say Jimmer Jammer before?

[SEAN:] Well I-- I guess I did, I--

[GIRL:] [beginning to gather all her clothes] I got to go.

[SEAN:] No, no, you sure about this, baby?!

[GIRL:] Yeah, later King Jimmer Jammer. [leaves]

[SEAN:] Yeah, Cause I'll... Cause I'll call you. Damn!!! Walking out all naked and shit.

[THE END]

ADAM SANDLER Hot Water Burn Baby

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Hot Water Burn Baby Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Father:] Well Ryan, tomorrow's a big day. Your mom's coming home from the hospital with your new baby sister.
[Ryan:] baby sister
[Father:] That's right, baby sister.
[Ryan:] baby sister
[Father:] So, uh, I think now is the time for us to go over some safety rules for when you're around your new baby sister.
[Ryan:] safety rules
[Father:] Okay, rule number one: Always wash your hands before touching the baby.
[Ryan:] wash hands
[Father:] Do you know why?
[Ryan:] no
[Father:] Well, because sometimes you have germs on your hands and germs are bad for the baby cause they can make the baby sick.
[Ryan:] germs make baby sick
[Father:] That's right, that's right, Ryan. Germs make baby sick.
[Ryan:] germs make the baby sick
[Father:] Okay, rule number two.
[Ryan:] more rules
[Father:] Don't feed the baby anything.
[Ryan:] don't feed the baby.
[Father:] That's right.
[Ryan:] why?
[Father:] Well, because the baby needs to eat special baby food.
[Ryan:] why?
[Father:] Oh...well, other food is bad for the baby.
[Ryan:] other food bad for the baby
[Father:] That's right, good. Now, rule number three.
[Ryan:] more rules
[Father:] Never take hot water near the baby because hot water will burn the baby.
[Ryan:] water bad for the baby
[Father:] Well, not all water, just hot water,
[Ryan:] yes
[Father:] Cause hot water will burn the baby.
[Ryan:] i don't understand, daddy
[Father:] Okay, see this glass of water that I'm drinking?
[Ryan:] yes
[Father:] Well, this water is okay for the baby.
[Ryan:] yes
[Father:] Here, touch the glass.
[Ryan:] yes
[Father:] See, it's nice and cool.
[Ryan:] yes
[Father:] Now if this was hot water that would be bad because hot water can burn the baby.
[Ryan:] hot water burn baby?
[Father:] Yes, hot water burn baby.
[Ryan:] hot water burn baby
[Father:] Yes, yes, hot water burn baby.
[Ryan:] hot water burn your baby
[Father:] Yes.
[Ryan:] baby can't go in swimming pool?
[Father:] Oh no, the swimming pool is okay. Swimming pool water is cool.
[Ryan:] yes
[Father:] That's alright.
[Ryan:] yes
[Father:] But the jacuzzi is bad because that water is hot and hot water will burn the baby.
[Ryan:] hot water burn the baby
[Father:] Yes.
[Ryan:] hot water burn the baby
[Father:] Yes. Now say you made a cup of tea, would you take that near the baby?
[Ryan:] yea, baby like tea
[Father:] No Ryan, uh, I don't think you get it yet.
[Ryan:] baby no like tea?
[Father:] Well, I'm sure the baby will like tea, but what do you make tea with?
[Ryan:] ...hot water
[Father:] Right, and what did we say about hot water?
[Ryan:] ...oh, hot water burn baby
[Father:] Yes, hot water burn baby!
[Ryan:] hot water burn baby!
[Father:] That's right so no tea near the baby.
[Ryan:] hot water burn baby
[Father:] Yes.
[Ryan:] baby no take bath?
[Father:] No, bath water is warm. Warm is okay.
[Ryan:] yes
[Father:] Hot is bad.
[Ryan:] yes...hot water burn baby
[Father:] Yes, hot water burn baby.
[Ryan:] hot water burn baby
[Father:] I think you're gettin' it!
[Ryan:] hot water burn baby
[Father:] That's right, Ryan.
[Ryan:] hot water burn baby
[Father:] NOW DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT!
[Narrator:] 30 year later!
[Wife:] Hey, Ryan, what are you doing out there?
[Ryan:] Just watchin' the discovery channel.
[Wife:] Well, dinner's gonna be ready in about five minutes.
[Ryan:] Aw, great baby, aight, I'll be in in a few momentos. Lemme just wind down...(garbled)
[Wife:] Okay, honey!
[Ryan:] Yeah.
[TV:] The villagers of Pasquan
[Ryan:] Pasquan
[TV:] have a very bizarre and painful way of welcoming their infants into the community.
[Ryan:] [garbled]
[TV:] Unfortunately, the death rate from this ritual is a mortifying 90 percent.
[Ryan:] My God.
[TV:] That explains the Pasquan's low population.
[Ryan:] Yeah, it does.
[TV:] On the first full moon of Autumn, all the Pasquanian mothers wrap their new-borns in traditional hand painted deerskin,...
[Ryan:] Deerskin.
[TV:] ...which have been passed along from generation to generation.
[Ryan:] That's nice.
[TV:] The entire Pasquan population then forms a circle on the sacred battlefield of Chin-Chara.
[Ryan:] ya-yara
[TV:] Each Pasquanian baby is then passed, hand to hand, around the circle...
[Ryan:] Wow.
[TV:] ...four times.
[Ryan:] Four times.
[TV:] Once for the sun,...
[Ryan:] Hmm.
[TV:] ...once for the moon,...
[Ryan:] The moon.
[TV:] ...once for the earth,...
[Ryan:] The earth.
[TV:] ...and once for the wind.
[Ryan:] The wind, too.
[TV:] When the babies arrive back in their mother's hands, they are marched, in procession, to the Pasquanian natural hot springs...
[Ryan:] What?
[TV:] ...where the ceremonial purification will be completed.
[Ryan:] What are you saying here?
[TV:] As we watch, the mothers take their progeny out of the deerskin shells...
[Ryan:] No.
[TV:] ...and dunk them into the steaming water.
[Ryan:] No! No! Hot water burn baby! Hot water burn baby!
[Father:] That's right, Ryan. Hot water burn baby.
[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!
[Wife:] Ryan! What's going on out there? Are you okay?
[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!
[Father:] Hot water burn most definitely burn baby.
[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!
[Father:] That's right, Ryan. Hot water burn baby!
[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!
[Father:] You are a bitch, Ryan!
[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!
[Wife:] Ryan, are you alright?
[Father:] Hot water burn the baby!
[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!
[Wife:] Ryan!
[Father:] What are you gonna do, whore?
[Wife:] Ryan!
[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!
[Father:] Bitch!
[Wife:] Ryan! What's going on out there?
[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!
[Father:] Whore!
[Wife:] Who are you talking to?
[Father:] Bitch!
[Ryan:] I'm talking to the man!
[Father:] Whore!
[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!
[Wife:] Ryan!
[Father:] Bitch! Ryan is a whore!

ADAM SANDLER Red Hooded Sweatshirt

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Red Hooded Sweatshirt Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

My mom bought you when I was just 13,
the brightest red sweatshirt I ever seen.
She got an extra large so I wouldn't grow out,
That's too big for you! the other kids would shout.
But we stuck together, we didn't quit,
and now the children say, What a perfect fit.

I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeatshirt.

I like to rest my hands in your kangaroo pouch,
it makes them feel comfy like a big soft couch.
And I don't care if the weather's no good,
I say See you later rain as I pull up my hood.
Remember that long bus trip when I needed a nap?,
I used you as a pillow on that Spanish lady's lap.
I love you sweeeeatshirt red hooded
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeatshirt.

Oh what is it about you that makes me so jolly?,
Is it your fifty cotton or your fifty poly?

I don't knoooooooww
ohh ohh hoo hoo hoo.

Oh red hooded sweatshirt we been through a lot together
like that time I played in that shirts
and skins basketball game and I had to take you off
and throw you in the corner of the gym.
I was midway through the game and then I saw you looking at me.
You were staring as if to say
Adam, you suck at basketball, you dribble like a damn woman.
I was so mad I challenged you to a game of one on one
and you know sweatshirt, even though I beat you 11 to 9,
deep in my soul I know you missed those lay-ups on purpose.
You let me win and that why I'll forever feel this way.

I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeatshirt.

Come on audience members, help me out here.

I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ling dong
sweeeeatshirt.

I love you sooooooooooo.

Happy Valentine's Everybody!

ADAM SANDLER The Goat Song

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER The Goat Song Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

I am a simple goat
I live on the back of a pick-up truck
The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope
Am I happy he don't give a fuck
He's filled with anger, and filled with rage

And tells me I smell like piss
His drink, Jimmy Bean
His chaser, a bear
After that, various alcohols
That's when the beatings get so severe

Asleep I pray he falls
But don't feel sorry for me
Things weren't always this bad
Why, when I was a young talking goat
The Old Man was just like my dad

I come from the hills of Europe
That's where I met the Old Man
He was lost in the woods, I gave him directions
He gave me a tuna can

Then he stopped in his tracks
And he said, Hey Goat!
Would you like to live with me?
I've got a house with a pick-up truck
In a place across the sea
I said, Sure, why not, I've got no family
You seem like a nice guy

So we went off to America
The home of the apple pie
On the boat, the Old Man told me
I would be a present for his wife
A talking goat! he exclaimed,
She'd never seen this in her life
I felt so special!

Well, I just couldn't believe it
After all theses years I finally had a friend
He trimmed my beard
He scraped my hooves
I prayed it would never end

But when we got to his house
There was no wife
Only a short, short letter
It said: I'm leaving you for your broher
Because he fucks me better
His eyes filled with tears of sadness
His heart was filled with grief

To soothe himself he drank a pint of Old Granddad
And beat me like a side of beef
I screamed, Send me back to the hills of Europe!
He just shook his head and said, Nope!
No one will ever leave me again
To make sure, put on this 3-foot fucking rope.

Present day, I've been on the truck for 51 years
My only friend is the AM radio
Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by
But it's always rocks and beer bottles they throw

At first they're excited to see a talking goat
They gather around to hear what I have to say
But I guess sometimes my stories go ont too long
So they leave and giggle I need a bidet

But you know there was a night that I did get off the truck
When the Old Man was passed out drunk
Three neightborhood kids took me to a rock 'n roll concert
The kind of music, old-school funk
It was the first time I got off the truck
The music made me lose control

The lead singer asked if we were having fun
I said, Fucking crank that rock 'n roll!
The women at the show were beautiful
As they danced sexily on the soft grass
One of them even petted my fur
Fuck me in the goat-ass!

Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns
And threw me in the mosh pit
They passed me around and treated me nie
Till I nerviously sprayed them with shit
Then the music stopped
And everything was quite
And all the rock 'n rollers started a fucking goat-riot

Kill the goat!
Kill the goat!
Kill the goat!
Kill the goat!

They chased me under the bleachers
They chased me onto the street
They chased me into an alley
And said I was a dead fucking goat meat
But then I saw a sight
That I never thought I'd see

The Old Man swinging his hickory stick
But he wasn't swinging at me
Fuck you, pot-smoking turkeys!
Don't you press your luck!

The long hairs ran away screaming
As I scrambled onto the truck
When we got home, the Old Man said,
Goat, you broke the sacred law
No! Please! Sorry! Shit!
I'll let it go this time, but if you leave again
I'll break your fucking jaw!
Super! Great! Okay!

Thank you Old Man, for saving my life
Thank you again and again
You could have let them barbeque me,
But you acted like a friend

I'm not your friend, I don't even like you
I'm just not drunk, he said
To prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alcohol
And beat the fucking shit out of my tailbone
And I'll probably never walk straight again

I guess you'd call me a scapegoat
A punching bag for the Old Man to mock
Just because his wife left him
For his brother's abnormally large cock

He could have been my buddy
But instead he's a crazy old fuck
And, once again, I go to sleep in my eternal home
The back of the pick-up truck

Goodnight, Old Man!
Yeah, goodnight Goat!

ADAM SANDLER The Respect Chant

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER The Respect Chant Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Respect
Respect
You gotta show the fucking respect

[Repeat Over And Over]

ADAM SANDLER Voodoo

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Voodoo Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Hey there Mr. Leaf Blower Man
Keep it down for goodness sake
It's way too early in the morning
Can't you please use your wooden rake?
You choose to ignore I
Even though me hungover
That's not being nice
So tonight, your head will be covered in lice

Voodoo spell on you
Voodoo Voodoo
You shouldn't have given that dirty stare
Voodoo Voodoo
Too late for sorry, go cut off your hair

Hey there old, old woman
Shopping for food at the store
Why'd you run your cart into I
And knock me eggs on the floor
Then took the last unbruised cantelope
And laughed so loud with glee
But you won't be laughing
'Cuz from now on it'll burn when you pee

Voodoo spell on you
Voodoo Voodoo
You couldn't have made I any madder
Voodoo Voodoo
That's why I put a curse on your bladder

Boodaloo Boodalay
Boodalee Boodalie
Are the words that he say
When you fuck with I
Voodoo

Hey there Mr. State Trooper
Me was only going 58
Please don't you write up that ticket
It'll ruin me insurance rate
You say you have a quota to meet
So straight to hell with I
Me have only one response
Boodalee Boodalie

Voodoo spell on you
Voodoo Voodoo
You cost I 80 dollars cash
Voodoo Voodoo
Me hope you like your new skin rash

ADAM SANDLER Four Years Old

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Four Years Old Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Hey
Why'd you wake me from my nap?
I'm not in the mood
To play your games
Or sit on your lap

You
Where's my Yankees drinking glass?
I want some juice
And I want it now
So you better move your ass
And feel bad for me
'Cuz I'm just getting over a cold

I'm four years old!
I'm four years old!
I'm four years old!
Somebody better tie my shoes!

Now
I run down the hall
I scream and I yell
And I cry 'cuz I fell
Bring the rubbing alcohol

Outside
I get mud on my shoe
I come back in the house
I get it on the rug
The cleanging's up to you
And I won't take a bath
Unless you make me Spaghetti-O's

I'm four years old!
I'm four years old!
I'm four years old!
Mommy reads to me at night
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Well
I can't have a job
And I can't go to school
If no grownups are around
I can't go near the pool
I'm not alowed to climb
My neighbor's apple tree
I'm not allowed to sit
Too close to the TV
I don't know how to drive
And I don't know how to spell
But if I hear my brother cursing
I do know how to tell
'Cuz he made me eat some bread
That was covered in mold

I'm four years old!
I'm four years old!
I'm four years old!
I just threw up on my grandmother