BRYAN ADAMS This Time

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BRYAN ADAMS This Time Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

I think about her all the time
She's my fantasy
An image burnin' in my mind
Callin' out to me

While my imagination's runnin' wild
Yeah - things are getting clearer

This time everything is alright
No way she's gonna get away
This time everything is easy
Any day - I'm gonna make her mine

I've thought of every word I'd say
Give or take a few
But she turns and slowly walks away
What do I have to do

Hey - turn up your radio
Oh - there's somethin' I want you to know

This time everything is alright
No way she's gonna get away
This time everything is easy
Any day - I'm gonna make her mine

Well it's hard to take cause she's miles away
And I've waited a long time
But the feelin's right and darlin' one of these nights
Yeah - I'm gonna let you know

This time everything is alright
No way she's gonna get away
This time everything is easy
Any day - I'm gonna make her mine

BRYAN ADAMS Take Me Back

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BRYAN ADAMS Take Me Back Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

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I shoulda seen it coming
I shoulda seen the signs
Didn't really think that she needs me
Must've 'bin blind

She didn't give me a warning
Said I shouldn't treat you wrong
But when I woke up this mornin'
She was gone gone gone

She said...
Take me back won't ya
Take me back won't ya
I'll change my ways
Take me back won't ya
Take me back won't ya
I'm not the same

She didn't tell me about it
Am I supposed to read your mind
You make me get up and shout it
It's a crime crime crime

I shoulda seen it coming
I shoulda seen the signs
Didn't really think that she needs me
Must've 'bin blind

She said...
Take me back won't ya
Take me back won't ya
I'll change my ways
Take me back won't ya
Take me back won't ya
I'm not the same

Won't ya take me back
Won't ya take me back

BRYAN ADAMS The Only One

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BRYAN ADAMS The Only One Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

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Well I made up my mind
Not gonna let you get away
To think that I'm the lucky guy
I've almost got it made

Cause it's been so long
Since I've felt so strong
About anyone at all
I get so excited
I ain't gonna fight it
I think I might be fallin' in love

So come on - let's get it right
Cause you're the only one
So come on - we ain't got all night
Cause you're the only one

Last night
I thought you mighta stayed
If I'd a' had the guts
I woulda pushed my luck
But then you mighta turned away

How do I explain
I know it sounds insane
But then I've been through this before
In just a matter of time
You could change your mind
You could turn and walk right hrough that door

So come on - let's get it straight
Cause you're the only one
So come on - I just can't wait
Cause you're the only one

BRYAN ADAMS No One Makes It Right

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BRYAN ADAMS No One Makes It Right Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

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Everything's been said, A hundred times
Everything's been said, A hunderd times

Then I know, if I know you
It takes one more time
No one holds the night,
The way you do
No one holds the night
The way you do
Then I know, If I know you
It takes one more night

No one makes it right
Like you do Like you do
No one makes it right
Like you do Like you do
No one makes it right like you

I guess you're moving out
So you say
I guess you're moving out
So you say
Oh I know if I know you
I've got no more saying

No one makes it right
Like you do Like you do
No one makes it right
Like you do Like you do
No one makes it right like you

I said it once
I said it always

BRYAN ADAMS Last Chance

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BRYAN ADAMS Last Chance Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

Well you take it all for granted,
So it should come as no surprise,
That your big balloon is gonna burst,
Right before your eyes.

Well you always call your mama,
Just for sympathy yeah,
But I tried to show you years ago,
So don't come crying to me.
Now it's your last chance the night is over,
Last chance for love,
Well you can blame it on the bosanova,
You can't blame me when I'm gone.
Well you call me up for favours,
You say that it's my turn,
Well I think I'll stand on my hard earned drive,
And watch your bridges burn.

Well I saw my Guardian Angel,
He said I can refuse,
Well I'd take the chance but it's hard to dance,
With size 8 concrete shoes.

Well you take it all for granted,
So it should come as no surprise,
That your big balloon is gonna burst,
Right before your eyes.

BRYAN ADAMS You Want It, You Got It

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BRYAN ADAMS You Want It, You Got It Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

I think I told you maybe once or twice before,
They'll only hold you down,
leave you wanting more.
But you refuse to listen, babe,
so this is where you'll stay,
If you weren't so bloody juvenile,
you'd be some where today.
If you want it, you got it,
If you want it, you got it,
If you want it, you got it now.

You think you want a break but I got news for you,
I think it's time you start believing your reviews.
Stood me up and shot me down so many times before,
But dropping names and playing games won't get you through my door.

If you want it, you got it,
If you want it, you got it,
If you want it, you got it now.

BRYAN ADAMS Tonight

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BRYAN ADAMS Tonight Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

Who are you gonna run to,
Now your ass is on the line.
Who do you think you're foolin'
We ain't got the time.
Don't try to tell me,
Who's wrong or right.
Don't say that I
There's no point in tryin' to change it at all.

Tonight, tonight,
Let's leave it alone,
Leave it alone tonight,
We can't change it at all.
Forget the things I told you,
Let's just sleep on it for now.
It's your misunderstanding,
I don't wanna hear you out.

Two wrongs baby,
They don't make a right.
It's hardly worth the heartache,
Let's leave it alone, leave it alone.

BRYAN ADAMS Jealousy

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BRYAN ADAMS Jealousy Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

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I can't complain about the way we tried,
So maybe it's time to say goodbye,
Not gonna look around
I'm just gonna look away.
Don't put the reasons back in my head,
You say you loved me now you've left me for dead,
Oh I just can't stand it this way.
Oh jealousy, coming over me,
It's that jealousy, breaking my heart.
Whoa jealousy, taking control of me,
Now ya just gotta know,
That I can't let it go,
And it's time that ya knew,
I can't stop loving you.

You say I'm a sentimental fool,
But all I tried to do is go with you,
Not gonna look around
I'm just gonna look away.
It's been a battle since you broke my heart,
I tell you now that it's been coming down hard,
Oh I just can't stand another day.

BRYAN ADAMS Fits Ya Good

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BRYAN ADAMS Fits Ya Good Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

Well in the air for the world today yeah.
Five O'Clock and those walls are slowly closin'.
You get home so down and worn out, thunderstruck.
Yeah fits you good,
Oh fits you good.
Yeah fits you good, Oh.

Closin' time you were bringin' me down,
Well I know it's just the way you live your life.
But you don't know like I know better,
I did all that I could. Now it

Fits you good,
Yeah fits you good.
Oh fits you good, Oh.
But you don't know what I know,
I did all that I could. Now

BRYAN ADAMS Coming Home

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BRYAN ADAMS Coming Home Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

All those nights I've spent alone,
Uninspired, so tired and wasted.
There's lots of times I'd have telephoned,
I couldn't find the words to say,

I'm coming home,
Lord I'm coming home
I'll make it short,
I'll make it sweet,
Make it up to you and me.
I'm not the same guy I used to be,
What can I do to make you believe,

I'm coming home,
Oh I'm coming home.
I'm coming home,
Yeah I'm coming home.
Only seems like yesterday,
You and I were sayin' goodbye,
Now I'm just a few miles away
Gonna see you tonight.

I've been alone and I live the pain,
Reach for you in desperation.
I was wrong, I'll take the blame,
I need you back now I just can't wait,

I'm coming home
Yeah I'm coming home.
Coming home,
I'm just coming, coming,
Waiting it out.
I'm just coming home.

BRYAN ADAMS Don't Look Now

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BRYAN ADAMS Don't Look Now Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

Now you took your love from me,
When I needed it most,
I wanted you so desperately,
So baby,
Don't look now cause I'm comin' around,
Baby don't look now cause I'm comin' around.

You planned it all so carefully,
You just faded to black,
And even in your wildest dreams,
You never thought I'd be back
So you thought you'd seen the last of me,
Now ya better think twice,
You can't fool me that easily,
Now baby,

Don't look now cause I'm comin' around,
Baby don't look now cause I'm comin' around.

You planned it all so carefully,
You just faded to black,
And even in your wildest dreams,
You never thought I'd be back.

So you thought you'd seen the last of me,
Now ya better think twice,
You can't fool me that easily, Now baby,

Don't look now cause I'm comin' around,
Baby don't look now cause I'm comin' around.

BRYAN ADAMS One Good Reason

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BRYAN ADAMS One Good Reason Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

I've got one hand on the door,
One hand in my pocket,
The world is on my shoulders,
And I'm tryin' to get to you.
I'm gettin' pretty worried,
Now that Ronnie's in the office,
I shouldn't let it get to me,
There's nothin' I can do.

Think that you should know by now,
You've done the damage now it can't be changed,
So give me one good reason,
One good reason to stay.

Well I knew that you were sleepin'
And I didn't want to wake you,
Cause this troubled look I got,
Might make you change your mind.

There's no need for compensation,
There's no reason to foresake me,
I was looking for the answers,
But there's nothin' here to find.

BRYAN ADAMS Lonely Nights

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BRYAN ADAMS Lonely Nights Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

Will you risk your reputation?
I don't know.
You just don't know what you're sayin'
Anymore.

You know beggers can't be chosers,
And that's fair.
When we win we may be losers,
I don't care, no no no.
Baby, I just can't stand another lonely night,
So come over and save me,
Save me from another lonely night.
I hear every word you're sayin'
They're all lies.
But with every breath you're takin'
You're thinkin' of ways to say good night.

BRYAN ADAMS Try To See It My Way

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BRYAN ADAMS Try To See It My Way Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

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Ooh ... Try to see it my way.
Ooh ... Try to see it my way.

Well, I know you cover up
From all the things you did
That tied you up.
Just wanna let you know
That I wanna keep you warm
Until the sun warms up the dark.

So move in a little closer,
Then you can think it over,
Just try to see it my way.
Think it over,
Just try to see it my way.

Well, you said you needed time
for all the things
That run around your mind
How can I let you know
That I wanna keep you warm
Until the sun warms up the dark.

So move in a little closer,
Then you can think it over,
Try to see it my way.
Think it over,
Try to see it my way.

Think it over.
Think it over.
Try to see it my way, my way.
Think it over.
Just Try to see it my way.

BRYAN ADAMS State Of Mind

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BRYAN ADAMS State Of Mind Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

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I know that you're curious,
So don't be serious,
You know there's no cause for alarm.

When you're down - out
Left here in doubt,
All the things that are right will go wrong.

Love is a state of mind,
It's keepin' us both alive,
Sometimes it's hard to find.
Love's in a state of mind.

Wait just a minute,
You know that it's finished,
So don't you go carry it on.

Cause I'm down - out
Left here in doubt,
Well, we try but we can't get along.

Love is a state of mind,
It's keepin' us both alive,
Sometimes it's hard to find.
Love's in a state of mind.

BRYAN ADAMS Remember

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BRYAN ADAMS Remember Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

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Pardon me,
Have you got the time
To let me say hello.
Couldn't help but see
That you look like a lady I used to know
A long time ago.

Remember the time we spent together.
Remember the days I dreamt forever.
Remember the nights we stayed together.
Whatever I do I still remember.

It's hard to believe
That I held her up
And then she let me down.
Someone's sayin' to me
That she broke my heart and left me
Spinnin' round and round and round.

Remember the time we spent together.
Remember the days I dreamt forever.
Remember the nights we stayed together.
Whatever I do I still remember.

BRYAN ADAMS Don't Ya Say It

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BRYAN ADAMS Don't Ya Say It Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

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Things you said to me
Sentimentally
Are always on my mind.
Seems you haunted me
But you set me free
Long before you gave me time to escape.

The next time
I'll be on my way
'Cause it's time, it's true
I'm turning my back on you.

Don't ya say it,
Don't say you need me
You don't need me,
Don't even try.

Don't ya say it,
Don't say you want me,
You don't mean it,
Don't say good-bye.

You threw love at me
Indispensab'ly,
But you never could give it away.
And it seems to me
That you'd never be,
That's why I'll never stay with you.

You can't hold me down
'Cause it's my life too,
So this time it's true,
I'm turning my back on you
.
Don't ya say it,
Don't say you want me,
You don't mean it,
Don't even try.

Don't ya say it,
Don't say you need me,
You don't mean it,
Don't say good-bye.

Don't ya say it,
Don't say you need me,
You don't need me,
Don't even try.

Don't ya say it,
Don't say you want me,
You don't mean it,
Don't say good-bye.

BRYAN ADAMS Wastin' Time

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BRYAN ADAMS Wastin' Time Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

Lazy day you got it all to tell
Rest your weary wings come and sit a spell
And talk to me for a little while
Wastin' time, wastin' time

Yesterday as a child at play
I didn't think so hard, took it all in my stride
Wastin' time, wastin' time

People rushin' round, going nowhere fast
Talk about, oh first or last
Got one there, ain't got no class
Wastin' time, wastin' time

Lazy day you got it all to tell
Rest your weary wings come and sit a spell
And talk to me for a little while
Wastin' time, wastin' time
Wastin' time, wastin' time
Wastin' time, wastin' time

BRYAN ADAMS Give Me Your Love

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BRYAN ADAMS Give Me Your Love Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

I can fool myself for a night
Goin' on
Like I don't need you any more.

That's like walking in the dark.
Tel me now
That you'll give me all your love.

Oh, give me your love give me your love
Or nothing at all nothing at all.
Oh, give me your love.

I've been everywhere and here I go again
Looking out for me and
Leaving you behind.

But let me hold you just one time.
So will you give me your love,
I'll know that you'll be mine.

Oh, give me your love give me your love
Or nothing at all nothing at all
Oh, give me your love.

BRYAN ADAMS Wait And See

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BRYAN ADAMS Wait And See Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

There you go looking cool,
Writing rules
For your theories of romance.

I know that you doubt me,
But without me
You'd be tearing off your one chance.

Wait and see,
This could be the last time for me.
Baby, just wait and see.

All the times
I came running back
Down the path of the least resistance.

I felt my body
Was just a hobby
For your heart's indifference.

Wait and see,
This could be the last time for me.
Now baby, can't you wait and see?
Just you wait and see.
Just you wait and see.
Wait and see.

I've been trapped by your innocence,
Haven't seen you since
You caught me, baby.

Shot down by the one I love,
Now I'm taking off
With the things you taught me.

Wait and see,
This could be the last time for me.
Now baby, can't you wait and see?
Just you wait and see.
Just you wait and see.
Wait and see.

BRYAN ADAMS Win Some, Lose Some

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BRYAN ADAMS Win Some, Lose Some Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

Now you know
That I stood outside your window
Just a little too long.

What you're gonna do
When the hours pass away
And you know that I'm gone.
Well, it may be a week,
It may be a day,
I'm six blocks over
And I don't know what to say to you.

Jokin' 'bout your mama
Went a little too far.
But you caught me
Out with the others
Till the early dawn.

There may be a time
If we played it right
I'm six blocks over
And you wanna spend a night with me.

Now the hours and the minutes
Just fly away.
You win some and you lose some,
You gotta get it right
Or I'll be saying
Bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye.

Thinkin' back to
The way you're holdin' me down,
I'd be better off dead.

Now you know
That the time is running out
Of the things we said.

Well, it may be a week,
It may be a day,
I'm six blocks over
And I don't know what to say to you.

Now the hours and the minutes
Just fly away.
You win some and you lose some,
You gotta get it right
Or I'll be saying
Bye bye bye bye ...

BRYAN ADAMS Hidin' From Love

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BRYAN ADAMS Hidin' From Love Lyrics, singer by BRYAN ADAMS

---

I'm riding in the middle
Halfway into you
And halfway into something else,
I dont't know what to do.
You said you'd make it easy,
You said you'd take the time,
But you call it off
Before I change my mind.

'Cause you're not decidin'
You're only hidin' from love.
You can't deny it,
You're only hidin' from love.

Well, I've been makin' changes,
But you've been changin' too.
You were hopin' love was somethin' else,
I was hopin' it was you.
You said you'd make it easy, babe,
You said you'd take the time,
But you call it off
Before I change my mind.

Cause you're not decidin'
You're only hidin' from love.
You can't deny it,
You're only hidin' from love.

I know you're tryin',
But you're only hidin' from love.
You say you're shy,
But you're only hidin' from love.

ADAM SANDLER The Chanukah Song, Part 4

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ADAM SANDLER The Chanukah Song, Part 4 Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Put on your yarmulke, here comes Chanukah
So much fun-ukah to celebrate Chanukah

Chanukkah is the Festival of Lights
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree,
Here�s the fourth list of people who are Jewish, just like Jesus, Olaf, Punky Brewster, Scott Rudin and me!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt enjoys eating kugel
So does Stan Lee, Jake Gyllenhaal, and the two guys who founded Google
Adam Levine wears a Jewish star
So does Drake and Seth Rogen
Goldberg has a gold yarmulke to match the belt he won from Hulk Hogan

We got Scarlett Johansson, talk about a Kosher crush
And if you need a higher voice to turn you on, how about Geddy Lee from Rush?

We may not have a cartoon with a reindeer that can talk
But we also don�t have polio, thanks to Dr. Jonas Salk (smart Jew!)

Put on your yarmulke, it�s time for Chanukah
Harry Potter and his magic wand-ukah, celebrate Chanukah

Jared from Subway: God dammit, a Jew
But guess who�s Jewish and can fix him? Loveline �s Dr. Drew (get on it doc!)

Princess Leia cuts the challah with Queen Elsa from Frozen
David Beckham is the king of soccer studs and also a quarter chosen

Ron Jeremy is fully Jewish and so is his foot-long buddy
Shia LaBeouf is half a Jew but a 100 percent nutty

It�s cool that Santa Claus makes Christmas so merry
But we get two jolly fat guys: ice cream�s Ben Jerry (both Jewish!)

From New York to Iran-ukah, get up and celebrate Chanukah
Don�t mess with us, oh Chanukah, let�s all get along for Chanukah
So drink your Jaegerbomb-ukah and smoke your medical-chron-ukah
If you really, really wan-ukah, have a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah

ADAM SANDLER The Chanukah Song, Part 3 (Radio Version)

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ADAM SANDLER The Chanukah Song, Part 3 (Radio Version) Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Drei-Dels:] Put on your yarmulke, it's time for Chanukah...

[Adam:] Sounds good, guys!

[Adam:] Give it up for the Drei-Dels, everybody!

[Drei-Dels:] Once again, it's Chanukah. The miracle of Chanukah!

Chanukah is
the festival of lights.
One day of presents?
Hell no, we get the eight crazy nights! (Oh, boy)
But if you still feel like the only kid in town
without a Christmas tree,
I guess my first two songs didn't do it for ya,
so here comes number three!

Ross and Phoebe from Friends
say the Chanukah blessing,
So does Lenny's pal Squiggy and Will and Grace's Debra Messing!
Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mixed meat with dairy,
Maybe they shoulda called that show
Little Kosher House on the Prairie!
We got Jerry Lewis,
Ben Stiller, and Jack Black,
Tom Arnold converted to Judaism,
but you guys can have him back!

(Just kiddin' Tommy!)

We may not get to kiss
underneath the mistletoe,
But we can do it all night long
with Deuce Bigalow!

[Rob Schneider:] I'm Jewish!

[Adam:] Oh, my God. Sweet Robbie Schneider is here!

[Drei-Dels:] Put on your yarmulke, here comes Chanukah...

[Rob Schneider:] The guy in Willie Nelson's band who plays harmonica celebrates Chanukaaah!

[Adam:] Ah, good job, Schneider!

[Rob:] What are you talkin' about?!?

[Adam:] All right, now.

Osama bin Laden...

[Audience:] BOO!

Not a big fan of the Jews!
Well maybe that's because he lost a figure skating match
to gold medalist Sarah Hughes!

(Her mama's Jewish.)

Houdini and David Blaine escape straightjackets
with such precision,
but one thing they could not get out of...
Their painful circumcision!

Gwyneth Paltrow's half-Jewish,
But a full-time Oscar winner,
Jennifer Connelly's half-Jewish too,
And I'd like to put some more in her! Whoo!
There's Lou Reed, Perry Farrell,
Beck, and Paula Abdul,
Joey Ramone invented punk rock music,
but first came Hebrew school!
Hey!

Natalie Portmanika
It's time to celebrate Chanukah,
I hope I get an Abtronica
On this joyful, toyful Chanukah,
So get a high colonika
And soil your long-johnnakahs
If you really, really wannakah,
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy,
happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah!

Buckle up for safety, everybody!

ADAM SANDLER Somebody Kill Me

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ADAM SANDLER Somebody Kill Me Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Spoken]
Ok, I just want to warn you that when I wrote this song I was listening to the
Cure a lot.

[Sung]
You don't know how much I need you.
While you're near me I don't feel blue.
And when we kiss I know you need me too.
I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true.

But it all was bullshit.
It was a goddamn joke.
And when I think of you Linda,
I hope you fucking choke.

I hope you're glad with what you've done to me.
I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy.
You left me here all alone, tears running constantly.

Oh somebody kill me please,
somebody kill me plee-ase,
I'm on my knees,
pretty pretty please kill me.

I want to die.
Put a bullet in my head.

[Spoken]
[Girl:] I liked it.
[Guy:] He's losing his mind... and I'm reaping all the benefits

ADAM SANDLER Santa Song

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ADAM SANDLER Santa Song Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

So many presents,
so little time,
Santa won't be coming around my house this year,
'cos I tried to drown my sister and I pierced my ear,
Oh mama made it perfectly clear,
Santa don't like bad boys...especially Jewish ones.

Gnip-gnop and lego blocks are all that I desire,
so why did I have to set the pizza guy's hair on fire,
I told him I was sorry,
I'm a liar,
so no toys for me...I don't deserve them.

I couldn't wait for a big wheel as the holiday neared,
but then I told my grandma that she had a beard.

Dear Santa,

I know what my problem is, why I can't be good, it's a fear of intimacy.
You see my whole life whenever I've met someone really great like you and
I keep feeling like I'm getting close to them, something inside me makes
me want to screw it up. So in a weird way the reason I'm so bad is because
I love you santa.

Rock-em Sock-em Robots is what I was hoping for,
but then I made a death threat to vice president Gore,
oh santa won't be knocking on my door,
'cos he's a big fat whore...what made me say that?

Chutes and ladders would be so good indeed,
so why'd I have to sell that cop a bag of weed,
so Santa please give me that easy bake oven,
I swear I thought billy goats we're made for lovin'.

So Santa won't you accept my apologies,
Santa can't you see I'm begging you please,
oh Santa next year I'll do you right,
Live from New York it's Saturday night...

ADAM SANDLER Mother's Day Song

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Mother's Day Song Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Mama was the one who reached down and tied my shoelace.
Mama spit on her fingers and used it to clean dirt off my face.

Brush your teeth, Q-tip your ear,
take off your sister's new brassiere.
Watch PBS, not Deputy Dawg,
don't you eat that Lincoln Log.

Oh mama I still don't believe
it's true: The tooth fairy was you.
No Way!

I love you maaaaaama,
more than than paaaastrama,
way more than Jeffrey Daaaahma,
even more than my NFL paaaaajamas.

Mama always calmed down dad when he got too mean.
Like the time he almost hit me for stealing his Juggs magazine.

Stop your jumping,
you'll break the bed.
Don't you fill up
on the bread.
Take those
Take those
(trying to read cue card)
Take ... carrots out of your nose,
that's not a hat that's pantyhose.
Don't play baseball in your suit,
that Magnum PI's very cute.
Don't forget Vick's Vapor-rub,
stop masturbating in the tub.
Thanks for making corn beef hash,
and putting powder on my rash.
(So much better.)

I love you maaaaaama,
more than golf with Arnold Paaaaalmaaaa,
more than yellow moons in Lucky Chaaaaamaaaas,
Def Leppard's drummer only had one aaaaaaamaaa.

Oh, Mrs. Nealon, yes it's true,
Kevin's gonna sing to you.

Come on Kevin.

I love you maaaaaama

Come on, keep goin'.

More than films by Brian DePaaaaalmaaaa.

Thanks for being my date to the praaaaamaaaa.

Thanks for writing that note to the draft
board that said I was gay so I got out
of Vietnaaaamaaa.

Mom your way better than the World Trade Center baaaaamaaaa.

Who's name by the way is Mohamed Salaaaamaaa.

I love you even more than Richard Gere loves the Dali Laaaaahmaaa.

And Richard Gere was also good in Sommersby ,
which was a melodraaaamaa.

Oh, all you moms out there oughta know,
we kids love you so.

Have a Happy Mother's Day.
Thank you very much!
Thank you!

Adam Saaaandlaaa.

ADAM SANDLER Medium Pace

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ADAM SANDLER Medium Pace Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Put your arms around me babe,
Can't you see I need you so?
Hold me close against your skin,
'Cause I'm about to begin
Lovin' you.

Spit on your hand and stroke my cock at a medium pace.
Play with my balls and tell me how big they are.
Honey rub your beaver up and down my face.
Now sit on the corner of the bed and watch me whack off.

You see that shampoo bottle? Now, stick it up my ass.
Push it in and out at a medium pace.
Talk about your old boyfriend's dick and how big it was.
Now shave off my pubs and punch me in the face.

Darling, make me push my dick and balls back between my legs.
Call me an ugly woman and take my picture to show all the people
you work with.

Now pull up my scrotum and take that shampoo bottle out of my ass.
Pretend I'm the pizza delivery guy and watch me whack off.
Strap on a dildo and make me give you head.
Now tell me slow down and do it at a medium pace.

I feel so humiliated. I'm about to blow my load.
You tell it's time to make love but I can't 'cuz I spewed all over myself.
Then you look into my eyes, then you realize
How much I enjoy loving you. oh.
I'm so sorry I spunked all over my stomach.
Maybe next time I'll be better at loving you.

ADAM SANDLER Grow Old With You

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ADAM SANDLER Grow Old With You Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Billy Idol (Speaking):] Good afternoon everyone.
We're flying at 26,000 feet, moving
up to thirty thousand feet, and then we've got clear skies
all the way to Las Vegas, and right now we're bringin you some in-flight
entertainment. One of our first-class passengers would like to sing you a song
inspired by one of our coach passengers, and since we let our first-class
passengers do pretty much whatever they want, here he is.

[Robbie Hart (Singing):]
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you
Feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

ADAM SANDLER Girl

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ADAM SANDLER Girl Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Arsenio (Chris Rock):]
Now don't leave us hanging with just that.

[JP:]
Yeah, I hear that, Arsenio.
Yo guys, lets kick it!

[Music starts playing]

[JP:]
Yo now, before we start singing,
You also want to know in addition to writing our own songs,
we also do our own choreography.

[JP:]
Girl, I can't stop thinking of you girl,
Y-O-U, spells girl.
Woke up this morning, put on my own clothes,
cause the ladys' not here, to help us no more.
Went down to the store, I got myself some juice,
its tasted good and fresh and I love you.

[All:]
Girl, you are wicked awesome.

[DC:]
I buttoned up my own shirt, whew!

[All:]
Because, you girl...

[RS:]
Whenever I make my own plane reservations...

[All:]
I think of you girl, cause girl you are wicked awesome!

[AS:]
My name is Donny, and I'm here to say
They call me Donny, cause that's my name.
Banana's are good in every way,
An apple a day, keeps the doctor away,
Purina Cat Chow -

[All:]
Chow, chow, chow.

[AS:]
If my friends could only see me now,
I'm walking, I'm talking, McCauly Caukin,
Roger Clemmons was called for walking.
Word, Sister!

[All:]
1, 2, Dosey dow, dosey dow.

[All:]
You are... wicked awesome!

[AS:]
Peace.

ADAM SANDLER The Mule Session

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ADAM SANDLER The Mule Session Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

My girlfriend left me for a seven foot Indian
My grandma hung herself on a tree in the Caribbean
My sister's on the dope and my brother always picks his nose
And Daddy's only happy when he's wearing Mama's pantyhose, yeah
I just lost my job to a God damn robot (Good times!)
Then my dog got in the freeze box, he ate everything I got

But I've got my mule
He's a very, very nice mule
He walks with me home from school
Cause he's a very, very nice mule

When he was a baby my mother fed him gruel
But now he prefers to dine on his own stool
He always philosophizes with the rabbis after shul
Cause he's a very, very pious mule

When he sees a picture of a carrot he has a tendency to druel
On Halloween he tries to scare me by dressing up as a ghoul
He once challenged someone who stole my hat to a duel
Cause he's a very, very Old school mule

A needle-nosed plier is his favorite tool
He lifeguards on a volunteer basis and the Rec. Center pool
When I break down on the side of the road he shows up with unleaded fuel
He's a devoted fan of Ms. Paula Abdul

And also approves of the recent makeover of former folkie Jewel
[coughing]
When I told him Halle Berry's husband cheated he just shook his head and said to himself 'what a fool'
Cause he's a very, very monogamous mule

[snoring] Porkchop! Wake up, man, the session's not over!

After several well-publicized arrests for public urination he now drinks exclusively O'Doul
And every year he puts on a presentation at the Boys Club to show kids smoking isn't cool
His favorite Elvis song is 'Don't be Cruel', no it's 'Hound Dog'
I was just kidding you

ADAM SANDLER Best Friend

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ADAM SANDLER Best Friend Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

When I'm at the bus stop and you drive by in your mom's car
You tell me the bus already left
Cause you're my best friend!
When I'm at the locker and my shirt's buttoned wrong
You tell me to fix it
Cause you're my best friend
Best friends tell you you got boogers on your nose
Best friends don't laugh when you wear your grandpa's clothes
You're my best friend!
When those guys ripped up my ticket for the Mariah Carey show
You told me it wasn't that great
Cause you're my best friend (You're my best friend!)
When those guys gave me the wrong directions to Mark Hagen's party
You told me it wasn't that great
Cause you're my best friend! (You're my best friend!)
Best friends tell you when you got Cheetos in your teeth
Best friends dont ring your doorbell then punch you in the chest
You're my best friend!
(Best friends!) Dont call you Pit Stains or Marphy
(Best friends!) Way back when you waved hello!
(Best friends!) Don't hold their nose and point at you
(Best friends!) Help you find your hat
Oh, you're not just a friend
You're my best friend
(Take it!)
When those mean girls stole my pants and tied me to the front gate of the school
You told the teacher I was out there
Why? Cause you're my best friend! (You're my best friend!)
When Mr. Koocher's dog ran at me and bit me in the stomach
You were playing football so you couldn't help but I know you would've
Cause you're my best friend (You're my best friend!)
(Best friends!) Don't kneel behind you while the other guys push you
(Best friends!) Don't step on your sandwiches!
(Best friends!) Help you out of the caf. garbage can
(Best friends!) Don't tell you that Tracy Garner wants to dance with you
Oh, you're not just a friend... you're my best friend!
Oh, you're not just a friend! You're my best... friend!
Call me back!

ADAM SANDLER The Boss And The Secretary

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ADAM SANDLER The Boss And The Secretary Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Louise?

Yes, sir?

I want ya in here right now!

I'll be right in.

Damn straight you'll be right in

What do you need, sir?

What do I need? You know what I need

Uh, no I don't, sir

I want you to come on over here, fish my cock out of these
trousers, and suck on it for a while!

Sir, I don't think I can do something like that!

Oh, you can and you will, bitch! Kneel down, now!

What if someone comes in?

You think I give a flying fuck about that shit? You get over
here and you start suckin it!

Well, alright...

Yeah! Yeah, that's it! Reach in there! Reach in there and get
yourself some candy

Okay...

Okay, a little lower, though...

Umm... alright...

Little... little lower...

Yeah?

No, to the left!

Left?

Damn, bitch, do I gotta do everything? Pull down my pants!

O.. Okay...

Now the tighty whities, pull that shit down too

Mmmm....

Watch out now, here it comes! Boing! Now what you think of that?

What do I think of what?

This! My ding-a-ling! Come on, play with the shit a little

Uh, okay...

Lower, baby! Gettin warmer...

Okay...

Let me pull the fatty rolls apart, spring that shit out for ya

Yeah, that would help

Whoop, there it is!

Haha... What the fuck is that?

Play with the shit

Okay...

That's right, jack it up and down

Well...

Up and down!

Well, it's hard to grab onto!

Keep tryin, you thick fingered bitch! Use your pinkies!

Oh, okay... I'll try that

Yeah, now we got it goin on...

Yeah?

Let me fuck those pinkies...

Okay...

Yeah...

Okay...

Keep pressure on the sides of it, baby, keep it sprung! Yeah!
Tell me how much you love it

Ooh, I love it

Tell me it makes you horny

Ooh, I'm gettin real horny

Tell me it's bigger than a Tic Tac

But it isn't!

I don't give a shit if it is or isn't! Say it is!

Alright! Your dick is bigger than a Tic Tac!

Damn right, Tic Tac, cashew, thumbtack, half a grape, it's
bigger than all that shit!

All that shit put together!

Now don't get crazy on me, bitch, let's keep this shit semi-real

Aw, I like a man who shaves down here!

I don't shave that shit, bitch! I'm still waitin on them weeds to
bust out and grow and what not!

What? You mean you haven't reached puberty?

I guess the only way to get you to shutup is to throw a dick in your mouth!

Okay...

Well, then suck on that shit!

Uh, okay... Mmmm... yeah, I'm suckin... suckin away here

That's a pimple, you dumb twat!

Ugg...

Move your mouth lower!

Mmmmm

Oh, oh yeah, now you're on it! You're on it!

I'm on it?

That's it!

Okay!

Oh, that feels nice!

Okay!

Oh, hell yeah!

Yeah, there you go!

Oh, oh, shit, fuck, ow!!

What's wrong?

It's caught between your teeth! Get it out! Get it out!

I'm sorry, sir!

Don't be flossin with that shit, you gap-toothed bitch! Be careful!

Look, maybe I should just lick it then, okay?

Do somethin!

Im gonna lick it! Cause I love to lick that thing, okay?

Yeah...

Yeah, baby...

Yeah!

Yeah, you like that, baby?

Oh, yeah!

Whoah, whoah, whoah!!! Somethin just spewed all over my face!

That was the pimple again!

Oh, uh uh...

Let me reiterate. Down. Lower. Bitch!

Okay, you fat fuck!

What's that?

I'm just playin with ya, haha...

Oh, you better be playin! Oh yeah, that's it, now you're on it!

I'm on it?

Oh, oh smoke that roast, bitch...

Okay...

Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, slow down, not so fast!

Oh, okay

I got shit I wanna do to you, woman!

Oh boy...

Time to pull your dress off... You're gonna get fucked!

I don't know, sir, I mean... is that... is that really possible?

Don't give me no lip, bitch! You want me to smack you in the
face with this shit?

Hahahahaha

Hahaha you laughin now? Get the fuckin dress off!

Well, alright, but you have to promise me you're gonna use a condom

You know I can't wear that shit!

I do, I'm just playin! Hahahaha

Condom! You've been watchin too many of those XXX movies,
seein that fake dick shit those actors have hangin off their real dicks

Those aint fake dicks, those are real big dicks!

Bitch, I suppose you think Star Wars is real, too! That they
really got space ships and Chewbaki and all that shit! Stupid,
colorful bitch! Hahahaha!

Alright, my panties are off... You gonna try to fuck me now, or what?

Try? I'm gonna fuck your eyes crossed, you apathetic bitch!
Wham, wham, wham! How you like me now, bitch, how you like me now?

Is it seriously in?

In? You gotta stop fuckin all them rhinos and blue whales! Not
only is it in, but the shit's about to blow! Ooooh! Mmmm...
Hope you're on the pill, bitch, cause I blew that wad all up in ya

I.. I got it, it's right on the end of this hair, here

Shit, yeah, clean yourself up, bitch. There's a beach towel in
my bathroom

I'll just use this Q-tip

Whatever, just do it and get the fuck back to work!

Okay, BB Dick!

What's that?

I'm just playin! Bye!

Shit, what a life I've got... It's good to be Mr. Peter Bodd... Damn good...

ADAM SANDLER Secret

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Secret Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

There's something I know
That no one else does
You want me to tell you what it is?
But if I did that then it wouldn't be, a secret

I've gotta move my body tonight, I'm gonna go dancin'
Dreamin' bout the nights at the club, with the fun and romancin'

Mommy sees the look in my eyes, she can tell something's different
Daddy doesn't understand why, but he can tell something's different

I've got a secret, my own little secret
No one knows my secret, cause it's a secret. Secret.

Shhh don't tell, Shhh don't tell
I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell
I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell

And nobody knows that my bush is cut low as I dance and I sing and I put on a show
And i'm feeling so free, nothing hanging off me while the bass gets stronger, I'm a half an inch longer

And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it
and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin
Fuckin and suckin, Fuckin and suckin!

Music if fillin my body from my head to my toes
The DJ gives me a smile, maybe he knows
I hear whisperin from my left to my right, all over the party
i'm the super-star of the night, I did something naughty

I gave myself a haircut, don't tell
I'd like to tell you where but, don't tell
I've got a secret, don't tell
It's my own secret

I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell
I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell

And I feel so special and so beautiful
As I reach down and give my new friend a quick pull
I'm scratchy and itchy and a little bit bitchy
and if I find scissors i'd trim my friend Ritchie

And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it
and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin
fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin!

I can wear my pants extra low tonight

My secret's gettin out of control, it's burstin out of me
Gotta drop my pants to the floor, so the whole club can see
The special way I trim my curlies, so fuzzy and soft
Cause when my shrub is short and tight my piggie won't get lost

I had a secret, don't tell
But now you know my secret, don't tell
I gave my bush some haircuts, don't tell
To emphasize my bare nuts

I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell
I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell

And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it
and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin
fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin!

ADAM SANDLER The Mayor Of Pussytown

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ADAM SANDLER The Mayor Of Pussytown Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Yo it's 2004 and all you candy asses thinkin ya'll real pussies
ya'll ain't seen shit yet
eh yo man let em know

Oh yeah, guess who's back
it's the mother fuckin pussy with the little nutsack
don't care about cheddar or the paper chase
i'm a fuckin grown man with zits on my face
a straight up chicken shit
a pansy ass punk
If i'm if i'm guarding your ass it's an automatic slam dunk
while thugs are at the party bustin all ya'lls asses
I'm hidin in the corner wonderin where the fuck's my glasses
Can't afford no rims my
my fuckin dick's so small no bitch can suck it
I don't pop 9's i got weak rhymes
back in 9 duce i got pissed on 10 times
I roll solo i ain't got no clue
i said please don't hit me more than a cow says moo
afraid of heights i'm a-scared in the dark
i walk an extra 3 miles to avoid crazy fucks in the park
denied by the bloods, turned down by the crypts
my fuckin auntie kicked my ass and she got 2 plastic hips
when i step to the club feel free to stare me down
because I just got re-elected the mayor of pussytown

May-or-of-pus-sy-town

When bangers hit the street i stay home and watch tv
slumped out on the couch so no one can see
unless I hear somebody knockin on my door
then you'll see me crawlin cross the mother fuckin floor
i've been a fuckin coward every day of my life,
that's why I pretend I don't know everyone's banging my wife
i won't sit on the porch, i don't want no trouble
i'm more afraid of goin out than the fuckin boy in a bubble
when the shit goes down i make a break so fast
look like a mother fuckin rocket goin past
searchin for the sneakiest place to hide
straight into the ladies room, ain't got no pride
slippin slidin, runnin hidin
you know damn well it's a scooter i'm ridin
oh no here we go, out come the glocks
i take off so fast i pop out my socks
you gonna fuck with me, i'll cry then run
i called the cops when i got shot with a fuckin squirt gun

He clams up he shuts down
His pants he almost shits
He'll even look the other way if you grab his grandma's tits

well I had a little poodle but neighbor's stoled her
i'd shoot her with an ak but the kick hurts my shoulder
i can't pop no gun and i can't fist fight
hell i'm afraid to take out the fuckin garbage at night
I use the steps in the pool cause i'm terrified to dive
don't fuck with my floaties they's whats keepin me alive, bitch
never drank remy never delt crack
one time I smoked weed i had a panic attack
if you're looking for my dick in the mens locker room
just bring your binoculars with a fuckin super zoom
naw i'm just playin i don't fuckin change in there
the one time I did got my bush sprayed off with nair
but did I stick up for myself no fuckin doubt
i did what i do best, i broke the fuck out
i ain't lookin at you i ain't tryin to front
it's aight with me you called my jimmy a cunt

freakin sneakin crawlin creepin
when the gangs are bangin i'm in the basement sleepin
i'm straight from the streets seen trouble in every side
when the shit hits the fan i throw on a fuckin disguise

fake nose fake wig fake beard
it all worked pretty good
sometimes I just use a map and a funny accent
and pretend I got lost in the hood mother fucker

now all you coward mother fuckers out there
walkin round with your head hangin low
just cause you ate one dick
just know
my man the mayor, had to suck off his whole high school
case closed

May-or-of-pus-sy-town

ADAM SANDLER Creepin' On The Mayor

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Creepin' On The Mayor Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Oh, shit, is that them crazy fucks from across town? They
didn't see me, did they? Fuck it, they headin this way! Damn!
Gotta be somewhere to hide around here! No bushes, no
trees, what the fuck!? I'll just hide my ass in this garbage can!
There we go, safe and sound... No motherfucker's gonna find
me here! Shit, I'll just wash my clothes later!

[Gangsters]
Where'd you run to, you candy ass motherfucker?
You can hide all you want, but when we find you we still gonna
fuck you up! See you tomorrow, bitch!
[gunshots]

No you won't, cause I'm gonna stay in my basement all day...
I sure fooled them stupid fucks, hehehe...

[Woman]
I'll be right there honey! Just let me throw these dirty diapers out!

[Man]
Okay, baby

[Woman]
Man, they stink! That baby couldn't stop shittin today!

[Man]
I know, baby

I don't care, baby shit don't mean nothin cause I'm safe and
sound! Shit, no one can fuck with me in this tin can! I'm a
motherfuckin untouchable! Yeah, yeah!

ADAM SANDLER Pibb Tries The Skateboarding

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ADAM SANDLER Pibb Tries The Skateboarding Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Alright, Mr. Pibb, those kneepads on tight enough?

Snug as a bug in a rug playin Dig Dug, my friend!

Uh huh...

I'm all set to give this skitchboard a whirl!

Okay, we should really put a helmet
on you first...

Well... helmet has the word 'hell' in it, and I don't know about
you, sonny, but I ain't no sinner...

No, you're not...

When my time comes, I'm on my way to heaven, so I won't
be puttin one of those demon contraptions on my head!

Okay, Pibb... Just remember that the half pipe ain't the easiest
thing to do...

Never mind all that, boy! It's only half the pipe! Let's be concerned
when they got the whole thing here!

Right...

Now can we get to the skitchboardin?

Okay, okay... How bout we just get you on the board?

Can do!

Make sure you keep your knees bent...

Can do do!

Good job...

Now how bout a little pushky to get me started?

Okay, but go easy

Hell, this is simple as a pimple!

Yeah, yeah, you're doin pretty good there buddy!

It's quite similar to my youth when I'd sprinkle my brother's
marble collection all over the basement floor, glue a plank to
my feet, and skim around all the live long day!

Is that right?

Oh, how my father detested that sound!

I'm sure...

Ho, ho

Ha, yeah... you better take it down a notch there, Pibb... you're
startin to pick up a little too much speed...

Nonsense, check this out! Whoo, hoo!

You got some air there, Pibb, lookin like a natural!

It's all about the balance, and I'm darn good with that! Just
ask my banker! Hahaha

I'll get right on that...

Say, what's the record for loop-de-loos on one of these things?

Uh.....rotations?

Well, ain't you fancy?

Yeah, Tony Hawk did a 900 once, that's two and a half rotations...

Oh, I can stick that!

Don't try that, Pibb....

Here we go!!! Ahhhh!!!!!

(smack!)

Shit! Oh, shit! Are you alright, Mr. Pibb?

Is there a doctor in the house?!

ADAM SANDLER Gay Robot

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ADAM SANDLER Gay Robot Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Pass the fuckin ball!

What an idiot!

Fuck it, I'm gonna go get another beer. You guys want one?

Alright...

Two Please!

Oh boy...

Hahahaha

[phone rings]

Hello?... Yeah, yeah, cool, we're all just hangin out... Alright
Bye-bye...

Who was that, some chicks?

Nah, it was my neighbor, his robot's comin over

What?

Yeah, he built a robot a while ago and the robot came out gay

Yo, we're out of Hunnyduffers so I grabbed a couple of Gooseheads...

Okay, that's cool...

Wait, so the robot's gay?

Gay Robot's comin over?

Yep...

Oh, dude, you gotta see this, he's insane with football stats

No way!

[doorbell rings]

It's open!

Hey guys... what's up?

Hey, good to see ya Gay Robot...

Gay Robot in the house!

Word up... what's the score, fuckers?

Giants are eatin shit in the third quarter, it's 24-8 Miami...

Don't worry, the Giants have phenominal fourth quarter numbers...

Really?

They'll come back and win by three

Alright!

I love it!

Fuck you guys!

Sorry, buddy...

Who's the new guy?

Oh, that's my friend John.

Hey John... sweet hat!

Uh... thanks... what's goin on?

You know... just chillin... can I suck your dick?

What?

No, no, no, no, he's okay, Gay Robot...

That was funny...

The Gay Robot gets a little horny cause he doesn't know any
gay guys around here...

Oh, I see...

Sorry!

hehehe...

Oh, I can't believe you dropped that! Do something, Henderson,
you fat fuck!

Hey! That was very offensive to me!

Why? You're not fat...

I thought you said fag!

No, i wouldn't say that, I said fat...

Oh, sorry!

hahaha

I guess if you fist fuck me, we'll be even!

No, I'm not gay, Gay Robot...

I thought you said you were?

No... You know I never said that...

I know, I was just rousing you! Good times! Good times guys!

Hahahaha

Hey, Gay Robot's havin a good time!

So how do you think the Eagles are gonna do this season, Gay Robot?

Let's find out! [whirring, beeping noises] Says here, due to injuries
and irratic weather patterns, the Eagles will finish a dismal 7-9

What? No way!

Deal with it

The Gay Robot knows his shit, man

Now will someone blow it on my face?

Nobody's gay here but you, Gay Robot, so let's just watch some
football, alright?

Look, I'm not here to bring the party down... It's just... I run
on semen... Without it, I could die... Help me to live fellas...
Jerk off in my mouth immediatly... Please, my circuits are
shorting... Starting to fade already... See a light... Going
towards it....

hahahahah

You're makin this up, Gay Robot!

My bad! You got me! Hahaha... good times!

Hahaahaha...

So does he eat food like us... human people?

Yeah, he can eat food...

Ya want some tortilla chips, Gay Robot?

Sounds great, John. Can I dip them in your ass?

Ooh...

I'm all set, thanks

Hehehe...

What the fuck?! The reception's all fuzzy!

Are you kidding me?

Don't panic... I can fix it

Oh hey! That's right! I love it, work your robot magic, fix that shit!

Okay, here's the problem!

My man! What is it?

Your cock's not in my asshole!

Aww.... Maybe you should go home and take a cold shower, Gay Robot...

Alright... I'll go... We'll just whack each other off and I'll bail

Not gonna happen

Please?

Goodbye

Fuck you

Later Gay Robot

[fly unzips]

Oh no! Look what happened! My robo-cock fell out of my pants!

Oh, shit, he's got a boner!!

Taste it!!!

[spraying sounds]

Oh, oh!!!

Fuckin asshole!!!

Come on, Gay Robot!!!

Aww, man!

Later fags!

[Door opens and closes]

[Distant voices]

Hey Gay Robot

Hey Mr. Chasen... Can I suck your dick?

ADAM SANDLER The Amazing Willy Wanker

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ADAM SANDLER The Amazing Willy Wanker Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

When I was just a little wee lad
I hopped on the lap of my dear old dad
Something jumped and poked me good
'That' he said 'just me morning wood'
A little tin soldier's marchin by
Sergeant major unzips his fly
Pulls his weapon from his camouflage pants
Slaps away til it starts to dance

A shootin star's above my bed
Changin colors of my mushroom head
A rainbow jizz flys across the room
Little white spermies meet their doom

(Ah!) The amazing Willy Wanker!
(Aaaah!) The amazing Willy Wanker!
And my scrotum sack he says
Lalalalalala, tickle me!

Little green men from outer space
Here to exterminate the human race
Drop their ray guns and retreat to their ships
When marshmallow sauce squirts from me tip
Like a knight of olden Camelot
The goo takes off like an arrow shot
Gwynevere drops to her knees and begs
For the spittin dragon between me legs

I'm using my thing for what it's for
Gentle knock upon me door
Mumsy drops her cup of tea
When she sees my wank standing tall and free

(Ah!) The one and only Willy Wanker!
(Aaaaah!) Here comes Willy Wanker!
And my marble sack he says
Lalalalalala, tickle me!

Rasberry scones and marmalade!
Squeezing my squid in the evening shine!
Visions of mermaids in the sky!
Shooting my load in me own left eye!

Gramps was a hero in the first World War
But he ain't got no dick no more
Comes home smokin from the corner pub
Makes poor old Gramsy kiss his nub
The world spins around like a big bass drum
Nanny pops a pinkie in the generals bum
The Irish dance and the Scotsmem howl
Time to clean up with the washroom towel

(Ah, yeah!) It's only Willy Wanker, yeah!
(Ah!) The lonely Willy Wanker!
And my wrinkled sack he says
Lalalalalala, tickle me!

ADAM SANDLER Pibb Goes Surfing

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ADAM SANDLER Pibb Goes Surfing Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

You were cruisin along there, Mr. Pibb

It wasn't too painful a paddle out here to the big waves as you like to call em, Sonny!

Didn't look it

Actually, it was a nice wake-me-up for my laticerace muscles

Water's pretty nice, huh?

Boy, oh boy, the Hawaiin sea's like a warm cup of java!
Temperaturo perfecto as the Africans might say!

Yeah, yeah... So listen to me for a sec, when the set comes in, just stay flat on the board, pointed towards the beach. I'll tell you when to start paddelin, and keep paddelin til the wave grabs you

I hear ya! Let Mother Nature do her duty!

Right on...

Right now!

Yeah, right now...

Yeah!

Then when I say stand up, hop up quick like I showed ya and ride

Affirmative, captain!

But don't go too far right, there's a lot of nasty coral over there

Well here comes a triple overheader right now! Let me tear into that sucker!

I dunno, that's comin awfully steep, Pibb

No steeper than that tsunami I rode back in 1928 on my grandpappy's TV tray! Let's do this!

You're the boss, Pibb... Start paddelin, now!

Will do!

Paddle! Paddle! Paddle!

Paddle, paddle, fiddle faddle! I love it!

Okay, okay, you're in it, baby! Stand up! Stand up, Pibb!

I'm standin! I'm standin! Whoo hoo, I'm up!

Yeah, man! Way to go Pibb!

I'm speedin along here!

[different man] Hey, old man, you better pull out before you hit that reef!

Well, thanks, amigo, but I didn't come out here for no six second ride!

Bail out, Pibb!

Not until I get the tube! Aaaah!!!

[crashing and cracking noises]

[different man from before] Oh, nasty brudda!

Hang on, Pibb, I'll be right there! Oh my God, that was sick!
You okay, Mr. Pibb!?

Is there a doctor in the house? Oooooh!!!

[another wave hits, more cracking and crashing]

ADAM SANDLER Sid And Alex

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ADAM SANDLER Sid And Alex Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[telephone rings]

I'll be up in a few! Hello?

Hey, Sid, it's Alex. Just callin to wish ya a happy birthday, man.

Alex, Alex, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you
for remembering, thank you.

My pleasure. Did you do anything fun today?

Nothing special. Amy made lasagna, we had cake, the kids
gave me a tie and some socks, terrific.

That's awesome, man. Hey, I got a gift comin your way too. I
Fedex'ed it so you should probly get it tomorrow.

[Gasp] Thank you, thank you, Alex, thank you. What is it?

It's pretty cool. You'll see tomorrow.

Aww, come on, give me a hint at least. Can I ride it? Can
I eat it?

Nope.

Can I fuck it?

Ahaha, no.

Can it fuck me?

No.

Is it hairy? Is it something I can shave?

No.

Can it blow me?

No....

Is it something I can blow?

No...

Can I fuck it?

You already asked me that...

If I take it apart, are there individual parts that I can fuck?

I don't think so...

Fair enough... If I sit on it for a while, will I cum?

Noooo....

Is it something Amy can strap on and fuck me with?

Sid! No!

If I get jizz all over it, will it be ruined?

I think...

Does it sweat?

Noo...

Is it something that can be used like... a pussy?

That's just another way of asking if you can fuck it...

My bad... Does it get big if you touch it?

No...

Does it get hard if you touch it?

Nooo...

If my Amy catches me blowing it, will she be mad?

Look, you can't blow it, man, we already talked about that...

Right, okay... let's say I'm stranded on a desert island with
just this item... am I getting a rim job?

NO!

Can I fuck it?

NO, it's a toaster, man, just a toaster!

Oh! So I can fuck it? In fact, two people can fuck it at the
same time! Alex, ya wanna come over and fuck my toaster
this weekend?

Don't mind if i doo doo....

Hahaha, oh, Alex

Hahaha, oh, Sid...

ADAM SANDLER The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie

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ADAM SANDLER The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Holy shit, this boat is sweet uncle donnie.
It must be fast and shit.
This fucking boat's got more balls then the fuckin celtic's lockeroom.
Yeah but it musta cost you like 50 Gs or something.
One might think that but guess what? It didn't cost me jack shit.
What do you mean?
I stole it out of a winter storage parking lot.
No fucking way! You shitten me?
Yeah, paintjob, change of the license and bingo here we are sunny times.
Oh yeah, the sun is extra fucking hot, I had to stop drinking or I was gonna pass out.
I didn't eat all day, I'm extra fucking buzzed.

ADAM SANDLER Welcome My Son

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ADAM SANDLER Welcome My Son Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Welcome my son to your very first day
So proud to be the one who brought you this way
I love you with all my heart
And my love is here to stay
But I can't help worrying will you eventually smoke weed?

Soon enough you'll be walking
You and me hand in hand
The silly words you'll be talkin'
Only daddy can understand
We'll go out making snowmen
Building castles in the sand
And all the time I'm thinking, will this kid end up smoking' weed?

But time keeps on going
And you keep on growin'
You're now six years old
You're getting so good at your spellin'
But my mind is always dwellin'
On the fact that you could be the kind of guy
Who grows up and needs to smoke weed on the couch
All the time
All the time

So answer me this while you're lying in your little bed
Why must you insist on bein' such a fuckin' pothead?
There's other things in life
That can make you feel good
But you just keep on smoking' your herb
You can't get enough of your precious, precious reefer
Where you getting all this money
To buy so much Hawaiian dope?

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 5

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ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 5 Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Sean pulling up in his car to a hooker]

[GIRL #5:] Hey, honey.
[SEAN:] S'up baby? Looking all smooth, standing on the corner at 3 in the morning and shit. You cold, baby? You want to use me as a blanket?

[GIRL #5:] I'm just doing my thing.

[SEAN:] Well, does doing your thing mean your tricky? 'Cause I'd like to invest some of my hard earned money towards loving you, if you know what I getting at.

[GIRL #5:] Well, how much you got, big man?

[SEAN:] Well, I'm willing to drop 50 dollars on your ass, but there's a condition going on.

[GIRL #5:] What's that?

[SEAN:] You're going to have to put those lucious lips of yours on... my... slub-a-dub.

[GIRL #5:] Ooh, I can do that.

[SEAN:] You can?

[GIRL #5:] Mm-hmm.

[SEAN:] You mean, you ain't going make fun of the fact that I called my gizza-gazza a slub-a-dub ?

[GIRL #5:] Honey you can call your thing what ever you want to as long as you got 50 bucks.

[SEAN:] Oh sna... well, alright then here's the 50 dollars, [unzips pants] and here's my flip stick, now start wetting that thing up.

[GIRL #5:] [Opens his door] Sir, you are under arrest.

[police car pulls up]

[SEAN:] You got to be fucking with mind here.

[GIRL #5:] No, I'm not.

[COP:] Good job, Denise. We'll take him from here.

[Cop hand cuffs Sean]

[SEAN:] WHAT?!?! You going to arrest my ass for trying to get a ride on my slip 'n' slide? Fuck that shit.

[GIRL #5:] Hey honey, when you get to jail, you're going to be on the other end of a slip 'n' slide, and I hope you enjoy yourself.

[SEAN:] WWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT?!?!?!

[cop throws Sean in back of police car]

[COP:] Just get in the back, asshole.

[GIRL #5:] [from outside] You sick fuck.

[SEAN:] Damn!! [crying] This is a bunch of bullshit!!!

[PEEPER:] Piss on me. [also in the back of the police car]

[SEAN:] WHAT?!

[PEEPER:] Please, piss me.

[SEAN:] NO!!!

[PEEPER:] Just a tinkle.

[SEAN:] Fuck that, keep him away from me.

[PEEPER:] Urine.

[SEAN:] Keep this man away from me.

ADAM SANDLER Inner Voice

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ADAM SANDLER Inner Voice Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

I'm happily married with a house and three mistresses
Even with the beard I'm not as hairy as my sister is
Got a new Hummer, two Ferraris, and some Lexuses
And all the girls I know got the big big breasteses
I got a ten story mansion on the beach
With a swimmin' pool filled up with the drool of Robin Leach
Richer than a Twinkie, I got so much cash
That to me Paris Hilton is poor white trash
I take forty-seven weeks of vacation a year
If people piss me off I can make 'em disappear
Every time I sneeze I get a feature on the news
The reporter says gesundheit and hilarity ensues
And how did I get to be the man that I am?
A god among men, only without the tan
It's simple, every time I have to make a choice
I just listen to my little inner voice, and he says
Shave all the hair off your butt and glue it to your nostrils
OK
Steal all the milk from all the supermarkets and put it
back in the cows
Alright
Find out which species of rodent is the most flammable
OK
Let's see what fun crafts we can make using only a chainsaw
and Regis Philbin
Yeah!

So how do I explain my little cranial expressions
Intuition, premonition, or demonic possession?
It could be God, an angel, or my dead uncle Paul
Or that nasty purple fuzzy thing that lives in my wall
Doesn't matter, and to be honest I don't wanna know
'Cause thanks to him I've never had to deal with an HMO
And I can go show off my rocket powered solid gold Benz
I tell ya life is no much nicer with invisible friends
Record an all-banjo Falco tribute album
Done, and done.
Put on a tutu, glue two live wiener dogs to your face, and
prance around the subway terminal screaming 'Stop looking at me!'
OK
There's no reason not to have sex with a cheese grater.
Hmm, no, I suppose not.
Set up a stand outside of K-Mart with a plate full of frozen peas
and a sign reading 'Take one!' If anyone asks you what the hell
your doing, give them a button that says 'I asked about the peas!'

He's become my best friend, sticks with me to the end
Thanks to him I'll never live on Ramen noodles again
And he's always by my side, every minute, every hour
Though it does get kinda creepy when I'm trying to take a shower
Still I can't complain 'cause he made me rich
And figured out it was the opossum milk that made me itch
If it seems weird remember the voice made me do it
I don't question what he says I just get up and get to it
Itemize everything in your cat's litter box for the next seven years
and mail a report to the President with a note saying 'Here!'
Good idea
It's time to find out what urinal cakes taste like
If you say so
Get a black and white horizontally striped suit, a mask,
and a bowling ball with a small length of rope hanging from it,
and tiptoe around the airport.
Sounds like fun
How old does a baby need to be before it's too big
to fit down the toilet?
I don't know. Let's find out.
Keep swallowing magnets until your farts can erase video tapes.
Will do

So to that guy in my head I just wanna say thanks
For removin' my angst, so I'm no longer shootin' blanks
And now I own several banks, plus an inflatable watch
And paid Justin Timberlake to let me kick him in the crotch
I followed his advice and now I'm makin' major duckets
If it wasn't for him I'd still be processing McNuggets
So when life makes you feel like you should've stayed in bed
Just listen to the voice in your head, and he'll say
Fat people are full of toys. Go get some!
Yeah!
Build a 20 foot tall nude statue of Tony Goldmark licking
warm margarine off a malnourished dolphin out of onions,
pez, and lint.
With pleasure!
If Yanni didn't want to be set on fire and shoved down
a flight of stairs, surely he would have said so explicitly by now.
Yeah, I guess so.
Go to a McDonald's Playland, tie that big Officier Big Mac
thing to the back of your car, and drive away at 90 mph. When a
cop pulls you over, roll down the window and indignantly ask 'WHAT?'
You got it!
Move to New Jersey and become a comedy rap artist.
Oh... do I have to?

ADAM SANDLER The Chanukah Song, Part II

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ADAM SANDLER The Chanukah Song, Part II Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Put on your yarmulka
Its time for Chanukah
So much funnaka
To celebrate Chanukah

Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We get eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here's a new list of people who are Jewish
Just like you and me

Winona Ryder,
Drinks Manischewitz wine
Then spins a draydle with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein

Guess who gives and receives
Loads of Chanukah toys
The girls from Veruca Salt and all three Beastie Boys

Lenny Kravitz is half Jewish,
Courtney Love is half too
Put them together
What a funky bad ass Jew

We got Harvey Keitel
And flash dancer Jennifer Beals
Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish
And yes her boobs are real

Put on your yarmulka
Its time for Chanukah
2 time Ocsar winning Dustin Hoffmanaka
celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson
Still not a Jew
But guess who is,
The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo

Bob Dylan was born a Jew
Then he wasn't
but now he's back,
Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish
'Cause we're pretty good in the sack.

Guess who got bar-mitzvahed
On the PGA tour
No I'm not talking about Tiger Woods
I'm talkin' about Mr. Happy Gilmore.

So many Jews are in the show biz
Bruce Springsteen isn't Jewish
But my mother thinks he is.

Tell the world-amanaka
It's time to celebrate Chanukah
It's not pronounced Ch-nakah
The C is silent in Chanukah
So read your hooked on phonica
Get drunk in Tijuanaka
If you really really wannaka
Have a happy happy happy happy Chanukah!

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 4

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ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 4 Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Sean on the phone with a call-girl.]

[SEAN:] What's your name, baby?

[GIRL #4:] Desiree.

[SEAN:] Ohh, what a nice name for a nice girl, such as your self.

[GIRL #4:] What's your name?

[Sean presses 'play' button on tape player]

[SEAN:] My name's Sean, I want to get it on.

[GIRL #4:] Ooh.

[SEAN:] You know what I'm talking about, honey, I want to drop some serious loving on you, mama.

[GIRL #4:] Oh Sean, you sound so strong, like you really know what you want.

[SEAN:] Yeah baby, I'm strong as a bear, I want to wrap my big arm around you...

[GIRL #4:] Oh my.

[SEAN:] You want to be spinning around for some more lovin' I got for you?

[GIRL #4:] That's sounds nice, sean.

[SEAN:] You know what else sounds nice, the sound of your clothes slidding off and hitting the floor. that's music to my ears.

[GIRL #4:] I'm already naked, how about you?

[SEAN:] Well, I'm half way there, baby, just let me slip out of these silky boxer shorts of mine.

[GIRL #4:] You must look good you stud, are you hard?

[SEAN:] Baby, my tally-whacker's all revved up and ready to go.

[GIRL #4:] ... Tally-whacker ?

[SEAN:] No, no, no... I said the sweet-meat.

[GIRL #4:] Oh my god.

[SEAN:] What?

[GIRL #4: {To other call girl}] I just heard some fucking idiot call it a tally-whacker.

[Sean groans]

[CALL GIRL #2: {To Girl #4}] Your kidding?

[GIRL #4: {To other call girl}] And his sweet-meat.

[CALL GIRL #2: {To Girl #4}] That's so gross.

[she hangs up]

[SEAN:] No. She did not just fucking hang up on me for 4 dollars a fucking minute.

[hangs up]

what the fuck is happening

[weeping]

... I'm horny, goddamn it. Oh, shit. Fucking, this is so un-chill.

ADAM SANDLER The Champion

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ADAM SANDLER The Champion Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Donald:] Welcome back on this glorious sunday afternoon for the final round of the Enbuary classic. The legendary Champion is now approaching the 18�th tee off with an insomauntible 8th stroke lead.

[The Champion:] Well let�s wrap this thing up

[Donald:] The gallery lets the champion know what a fine three days of golf he has had. The always charming Champion is now taking time to high five a young spectator and the boy, the boy is awestruck. Haha, the gallery erupts into delight

[Random person in the gallery:] Go get them champ!

[Donald:] Yes Yes. I think it would be hard to find in any sport a champion who is as beloved as this one. And the encouraging gallery goes silent. Eight strokes ahead of the pack, the Champion slowly starts his back swing.

[Honking car horn]

[Champion:] Four! (Hit the golf ball.)

[Donald:] Oh no no! Apparently the honking horn had some sort of concentration effect on the champion�s usual monstrous drive.

[Champion:] Is that Greag normen�s kid or something?

[Gallery begins to laugh.]

[Donald:] The Champion shakes it off and makes some sort of humorous remark about the horn to the gallery and they eat it up.

[Champion:] Let�s get the ball back on the field.

[Donald:] Yes Yes, well now the Champion, his Caddy, and the elendent gallery make their way to the Champion�s ball, which is unfortunately larged next to a very thick tree route. The champion and his caddy talk it over. He s going to play it safe and punch out with a 7 iron with a 8 stroke lead this is simply smart play by the legendary Champion. He approaches the ball.. let�s watch.

[Champion:] Take a swing at the ball hitting the tree route in the process

[Donald:] Oh,well I.. I don�t think that�s what the Champion had in mind when he took that swing. The ball is now 10 yards.. um into the woods after ricoshaying off the tree route, and ther�s a look of pain on the Champion�s face. He is shaking his hands as if to say I did not have a strong enough grip on the club when I hit the tree route, and my hands are stinging quite badly.

[Champion: (Start Grunting)]

[Donald:] The Champion is starting to mutter some obscenities about the car horn, which if you just joined us blew earlier during the champion�s back swing at the 18�th tee off. Well now his caddy and friend of 25 years, Mr. Skipijankings, is doing every thing he can to get the champion�s mind back on track.

[Skipijankings: (Say line during: is doing every thing he can...)] Forget about the car horn, let�s just win this thing!

[Champion:] Hahah, you�re right.

[Donald:] What wonderful veteran words of wisdom. The Champion nods in agreement, and heads into the woods to set up for his third shot which he will have to play out of a dreadfully muddy lie. He�s sticking with his 7 iron closes the club face a little. He starts his swing.

[Champion:] (Swing at ball)

[Donald:] And the ball did not move, um if anything it�s a little deeper in the mud.

[Champion:] What is this fucking quick sand?!

[Donald:] The Champion is now conferring with coarse marshal, David Canner.

[Champion:] What do I do next?

[David:] Gonna have to drop one.

[Donald:] And yes i.. it has been ruled that his ball is unplayible, he will take a drop and a one stroke penally.

[Champion: (Start laughing a bit too hard as if you where drunk)]

[Donald:] and the Champion is now laughing very hard, uh one might say a little too hard, but none of the less, he drops his new Areo Fly Ball and resumes play.

[Gallery: (Start to clap)]

[Donald:] Back with his trusty 3 wood, the Champion lines up his shot. He starts his back swing.

[Champion: (Fart)]

[Donald:] He flatuates. Stops his swing, and steps away from his ball, and whispers something too his caddy, Mr. Skipijankings.

[Skipijankings:] Wha? What do you mean you got to take a Shit?

[Champion:] I�ve got to shit.

[Skipijankings:] Finish the fucking hole, we�ve got to win this mother fucker!

[Random man in gallery:] Jesus Christ man!

[Donald:] Well now the Champion is staring angrily at his caddy. He continues to star for quite some time, and then abruptly walks back to his ball not taking much time set up at all he swings,

[Champion: (Swing at the ball.)]

Connects, a Smash of a hit!

[Gallery:] (applaud)

[Donald:] Starting to slice, oh no it goes directly into the center of a man-made water hazard!

[Champion:] You�ve got to be fucking kidding me!

[Donald:] The Champion slowly walks over to his golf bag, unzips it, and pulls out, hmm what I believe is a 16 oz silver beverage container and starts drinking in large gulps. Why don�t we take this time for a word from our sponcers, and then we will return to our final round coverage of the Enbuary Classic. (Whispers: Well I have no idea what he was thinking)

[ANNOUNCER GUY:] What do 17 major championships, over 6 million dollars in prize money, and the complete domination of the sport of golf have in common? Two things: The Champion, and Areo Fly Balls. Areo Fly Balls, they just seem to go further. If it�s good enough for the Champion, don�t you think it�s good enough for you.

[Donald:] Well welcome back to our final round coverage of the Enbuary Classic.

[Random Man: (Say this during the beginning)] PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!

[Champion:] I�ll tell you one thing. no one�s fucking up me in my hole.

[Donald:] As we join the action,

[Champion:] Because thay are fucking ugly

[Donald:] We can see his caddy and long time friend, Mr. Skipijankings, trying to cox the Champion out of the sand trap where he is presently on his back making a snow angle.

[Skipijankings:] Get up! GET THE FUCK UP. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!

[Champion:] All right (get out of hole)

[Donald:] Well the Champion is now ceasing his softmories behavior and is climbing out of the trap onto the green.

[Champion:] Yee-Haw! (Charge at Skipijankings and Tackle him)

[Donald:] The Champion has just tackled long time friend, Mr. Skipijankings, I�ve never scene any thing like this.

[Skipijankings:] That�s it! I�m getting the Fuck out of here! You�re fucked up dude, you need some help!

[Champion:] Ya I need help fucking your wife!

[Skipijankings:] Fuck you! (Kick the Champion very hard!) Don�t you EVER TALK about my wife! I�ll FUKING KILL YOU MAN!

[Donald:] Hear Hear! Generally Tempered, long time friend Mr. Skipijankings now storming off the forced hole, not with out hearing some expletive words hurled at him by the classless lord of the lace. Tears streaming down his face, the Champion is now alone on the green left with mainly a 12 foot put. (Police sirens are going off) Who would of thought that a horn honk could bring about such disaster and disarray in one ma�s life. The Champion, now lining up his put, using the flag stick as his putter for some odd reason. He takes a few steps towards the hole, unbuckles his belt, The CHAMPION is defecating in the cup, and the gallery has scene enough! Not a moment too soon the police have arrived, and are advancing towards the champion slowly. In a last desperate act, the Champion holds the flag stick as if it were a large lance from medieval times, and runs full kilt in rage in his eyes towards the Officers.

[Officers (Begin firing guns)]

[Donald:] They Open fire. The champion has been shot. He is down on the green, he�s not moving, walking inching their way towards the champion, the officer checks the champion�s pulse, and signals to the other police that the Champion is sure enough dead. If you are just joining us Sunday May 7�th at 2:42 P.M. perhaps the greatest golfer of our time is diseased at age 39. My God have mercy on his sole. This has been Donald Hefington saying good day, and good golf.

ADAM SANDLER She Comes Home To Me

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ADAM SANDLER She Comes Home To Me Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

Though I have been a fool for love
I have finally made my score
I got a girl, and I don't mean to boast
But she loves me the most
Even though she's a highly paid whore
She'll give head to a sheep
She can stuff three cocks in her cheek
But she comes home to me
She'll do the groom and the best man
She'll slap your ass in the back of a van
But she comes home to me
She could fuck nine guys in a row
But still have a tenth for me
And I'm the only one who gets to kiss them lips
Unless you pay an extra fifty
So mister, don't you fall in love
Cause I'm the only cat who doesn't wear a glove
Since her heart belongs to me
She has a throat that just won't quit
She can take all of it
And still have room for your balls
but she shops in the malls for me
She'll say twelve then call back and say one
But I don't care I know it's just work not fun
When she blows you, Jack
Don't you think she's not thinking of me
She'll go down on a yack, lick a horse's nutsack
But strictly for the cash
And it's only me who doesn't pay a fee
to watch her put a water bottle in her gash
(Put a water bottle in her gash)
She'll let you suck her nips till they're leakin'
But don't you dare try to go antique-ing
Cause she does that with me
Her pussy's sweet as honey
But when she moans, it's just for the money
Unless she's sittin' on me
She'll cram your asshole with a mouse
But she won't do it in our house
Tough luck, Jack
She knows that don't fly with me
She might eat your wife's box
But she won't tell ya where you left your socks
She rolled up and down your fat prick
But it was me who took her to the Meg Ryan flick
She's got a face full of nuts
And a mouth full of cocks
She's done Seal, Larry King, four New Kids on the Block,
She blew the Winnepeg Jets right after a game
But they never got to know her actual name
On your face she will piss
On your chest she might poop
But she won't prepare her famous vegetable soup
That's simply reserved..
Oh she'll bite ya, she'll spank ya
But she'll never thank you for free
Cause baby... comes home to me.
Comin' home!!

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 3

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 3 Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[Sean pouring champagne]

[SEAN:] Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Baby I have to tell you, you looking unbelievably delicious laying there.

[GIRL #3:] Oh Sean, you're so sweet.

[SEAN:] Not as sweet as your silky thighs mama, I think I want to taste'em.

[He presses the 'play' button on his tape player]

[SEAN:] I going to start with your scrumptious toes as an appetizers, then I'm going to move up your body with my tongue, 'til I reach those lucious icecream sundaes.

[GIRL #3:] Mm, sounds nice. What else?

[SEAN:] Well, then I'm going to work my way back down, 'cause it's time for the main course. I'm like a bee heading down to your honey pot. But I won't be flying away soon, no I won't.

[she laughs sensually]

[SEAN:] Ooh, zippity, dippity.

[she takes a sip on the champagne]

[she laughs sensually]

[GIRL #3:] Tell me, what do you want me to do to you?

[SEAN:] Yeah, baby, I got a lot on my menu, but if I could recommend something, it would have to be tonight's special: My pud.

[GIRL #3:] What did you just say?

[SEAN:] I said you going to like tonight's special...

[GIRL #3:] And that's your pud?

[SEAN:] Yeah.

[GIRL #3:] You got to leave.

[SEAN:] Mm-hmm. A'ight. Just let me find my pants and I...

[looks for pants, finds them, struggles to put them on]

[SEAN:] I'm leaving.

[zips up pants, stops tape player, pulls out tape]

[SEAN:] Could you at least tell me the best way home?

ADAM SANDLER Dee Wee (My Friend The Massive Idiot)

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ADAM SANDLER Dee Wee (My Friend The Massive Idiot) Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

He said he'd be here at seven
The clock just hit 7:22
It's too cold outside
To wait for my ride
Watching mama try out a new doo (Bruins)

He said he'd be here at seven
But it just hit 7:35 (already?)
Here in Brockton, Mass.,
I got my thumb in my ass
Mama's combing up a big beehive (Celtics)

Where the fuck is he?
Where the fuck is he?

The bitch doesn't even bother calling
Even though it's 7:44 (I fell asleep, pally)
I'm feeling kinda antsy
Mama's getting fancy
Slicking back a wet pompadour (Red Sox)

He said he'd be here at seven
It's closing in on 8:01 (Trimmin' the �'stache, kid)
Me lookin' like a sap
In a wool knit cap
Mama's next move is a bun (fuckin' Patriots)

Where the fuck is he? (My pants are still in the dryer, dude)
Where the fuck is he? (I couldn't find my fuckin' snowboots, pal)
I wish I had a car (Huge, huge hangover)
Oh, no (Massive hailstorm, massive hailstorm, massive)

That stupid little punk
He's probably fuckin' drunk
I bet he drank a case
Wanna pop him in the face right now
Mama's eyebrow

Wicked good
Wicked good (Oh, GOD)
Wicked good
Wicked good (Fuck yeah)
Wicked good
Wicked good (Pisser?)

Well my friend is still a no-show
And I'm getting' fucking pissed (Why?)
'Cause I could've gone with Charlie
In the side of his Harley
Mama's on the phone with a stylist (Fuck Charlie!)

So I guess I ain't going out tonight
'Cause the digits say 12:09 (Shit-faced)
But call the operator
'Cause one perm later
Mama's hair sure do look fine (Heffenreffer!!!)

Where the fuck

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 2

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER Cool Guy 2 Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[The Sounds of waves crashing]

[SEAN:] This is quite the chill night. kicking back on the beach with a fine girl such as yourself.

[GIRL #2:] Yeah, the waves are so calming.

[SEAN:] So, is your body looking like michaelangelo made you or some shit.

[GIRL #2:] Thanks Sean, that's so sweet.

[Sean presses 'play' button on tape player]

[SEAN:] Let's see what's going on under this velvet top of yours.

[GIRL #2:] Uh-oh.

[SEAN:] Oh calming, your coming off strong with some beautiful waves of your own there, baby.

[GIRL #2:] Oh Sean, you're so cute.

[SEAN:] Why don't we leave the summer skirt on, but let's take those fine panties passed those long, strong legs of yours, hmm?

[GIRL #2:] Oh my god.

[SEAN:] Yeah.

[GIRL #2:] And how about you take off clothes, Sean.

[SEAN:] Oh, oh is that right, baby? You want me to show my stuff, too?

[GIRL #2:] My god, you look good, Sean.

[SEAN:] Yeah, yeah baby I keep in shape, you know.

[GIRL #2:] Ooh.

[she starts to unbuckle his pants]

[SEAN:] Yeah, unbuckle my pants, move hands on my wet weiner and let's get it swingin'.

[GIRL #2:] What's that?

[SEAN:] Let's get it swingin'.

[GIRL #2:] No, the other thing you said?

[SEAN:] ...The wet-weiner?

[GIRL #2:] [gasps] You know what?

[SEAN:] Yeah?

[GIRL #2:] I'm going to go throw up, now. See you.

[SEAN:] Hmm, leave me all horny here. How... how you going to get home there, baby?

[GIRL #2:] I'll walk. [She begins to walk away]

[SEAN:] Mm-hm. I'm-a call you.

[GIRL #2:] Don't. [She's gone]

[SEAN:] A'ight, A'ight. I'm go in for a swim anyways, you know that baby. [to self:] Going to get this swing-ding wet somehow. Salted off the rubarbs, ain't that a bitch?

[THE END]

ADAM SANDLER The Peeper

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ADAM SANDLER The Peeper Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

[singers:] The Peeper, The Peeper, whats goin' through his head? woah!

[Leaves rusteling]

[Peeper:] Climin' the tree. slowly. quietly. lookin' for next branch. found it. got it. windo high. great view. settelin' in. keepin' it quiet. hidden. heart pounding through chest. waiting. lookin' around. nervous. lights on, jackpot, here she is. oh my. no pants. classey. not to tight. walkin around the room. no idea Im here. lovin' it. Rubbin her feet. tough day. relaxin'. hops off bed, goin twards bathroom. shuttin' the door. alone again... waiting. lookin' around. board. pullin' out nippel clips. Painful! ow... but these are a bit.

[door opening]

Bathroom door opens. lovin' it. oooh my.... hairs in a pony tale. she picks up the tv clicker. click

[tv makes noises]

sittin' back. watchin. watchin' her watch. lovin it.

[giggling]

she laughs. ha ha ha. I laugh. oh yea. sharin a moment.

[dog panting]

theres a dog. not good.

[sniffing]

he can smell me. should've shoured.

[barking]

barkin. wont leave. oh no, here she comes. stayin motionless. fuckin' dogs loosin it.

[window open]

[girl:] Bud! you be quiet and go home like a good boy.

[dog stops barking and walks off]

[Peeper:] dosnt see me. she's gorgous. Im grotesque.

[knock]

[Peeper:] knock at front door! she goes to answer!

[door opens]

[Peeper:] Its him.... chizzeled features.. they kiss. Im fuming. also hard. hatin' myself. sniffin fingers.

[woman:] ohhh...

[Peeper:] she moans! ohhhh! I moan. He looks up. busted. should not have moaned...

[footsteps]

[Peeper:] he walks toword windo. muscular

[man:] this guy. gotta be fuckin kiddin me

[Peeper:] full of rage. looking right at me.

[man:] theres a guy in the tree out here.

[Peeper:] full of shame.

[woman:] are you serious?

[Peeper:] completely worthless. hard as a rock.

[man:] I see you shit head! well the cops are comin you sick fuck! and if you even think of runnin away Ill bash your fuckin' skull with a lead pipe!

[Peeper:] stayin still. motionless. pretending to be a squirrel.

[squirrel noises]

[dialing]

[Peeper:] not working. shes calling. dreams shattered

[talking]

[Peeper:] ultimate humiliation.

[squirt]

[Peeper:] ejaculating.

[man:] AWWW!!! YOU GROSS PIG! YOUR A PIECE OF SHIT YA KNOW THAT!

[Peeper:] yes I do... cant help myself.

[car pulling up and door opening]

[cop:] L.A.P.D. get down from the tree buddy.

[squirrel noises]

[Peeper:] trying the squirrel thing again. looking for a nut.

[cop:] I said get down from there!

[Peeper:] down I go...

[Slam, slam, slam, slam]

[Peeper:] Oh!

[woman:] I hope they put you im for a long time! you need some serious help you ass hole!

[Peeper walking away:] I know I do... Its an addiction

[cop:] lets go big guy, c'mon

[Peeper:] wifes going to kill me.

[cop:] dont be doing this shit mr... nippel clips.

[Peeper slamming into cp car seat]

[Peeper:] handcuffed... cant sniff fingers...

[door slams and engine warms up]

[Peeper:] please piss on me...

[cop:] yea, this is officer Tyler, everythings under controle.

[Peeper:] PLEASE piss on me? If somebody could piss on me, that would be great.

[singers:] The peeper, belly eaper, hes goin off to jail! WOAH!

ADAM SANDLER 7 Foot Man

welcome to whatlindysays.blogspot.com

ADAM SANDLER 7 Foot Man Lyrics, singer by ADAM SANDLER

---

We just wrote this song on the bus the other day so just sit back and relax

I'm the 7 foot man,
I've commited no crime,
Bumping my head into doorways,
It happens all the time,
I'm 7 feet tall,
And I repeat,
They dont make a ski boot that can fit my feet,
I'm 7 feet tall,
And I dont play basketball,

I'm 7 feet tall,
But I'm still just a man,
So of course it hurts me a lot,
When I walk into the ceiling fan,
Small people say I wish I was him,
But its been nine years since I've had a trim,
The barber says,
I cant reach the top of his head,

7 foot man,
(ha ha)I cannot hide,
7 foot man,
I know cause I've tried,
7 foot man,
My last girlfriend died,
Because my penis,
Is 7 foot wide!!!!!!!!!

So the next time you see me,
Walking around,
And my head is right about to hit a tree branch,
Tell me to duck down,
And I'll pay you back ,
Soon you will see,
By getting you frisbee down from that tree,
I do what i can,
I'm the 7 foot man,

7 foot man,
7 foot man